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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My Rockin' Weekend

My lovely friend Jess at invited myself and SexyBeast to come down this past weekend to Pennsylvania. After SexyBeast consulted his spread sheet, he determined we could go and get our Philly on.

It's a quick 3 and 45 minute sojourn to get to Horsham. Unfortunately some of the trip took us through New Jersey. Meh! And to get immediately acclimated to our surroundings we ate some Philly cheesesteaks. The miracles of Cheese Whiz! And we sat and chatted and drank some Krieg cherry lambic. And by some I mean an entire bottle.... by myself. I had to though. Poor Jess is pregnant and I had to drink for two.

SexyBeast and I had some company in the bed. Jess and her finance's 2 black kitties kept us company all night long. Whether we wanted them to or not. Heh heh.

The next day, the boys continued drinking and pontificating while us ladies went to have a pedicure. It 37 bucks for 50 minutes of pampering. Well worth it. I have "A Ruble for your Thoughts" on my tootsies and 3 days later the bottoms of my feet are still very soft.

The highlight of Saturday was going to Little Marrakesh, a very authentic Moroccan restaurant. (check them out at The decor was awesome, all jewel tones, comfy couches to sit at and candle light everywhere. Friday and Saturday nights Little Marrakesh offers their Sultan's Feast, a 6 course meal served family style. #1 Casablanca salad that included diced tomatoes, cucumbers and green peppers, hummus, eggplant (blechy) and cumin dusted carrots and steaming hot pita bread. #2 Atlas Bastia (you can see the photo in the previous post) phylo dough shell dusted w/ cinnamon and powered sugar filled with chicken, eggs and almonds. #3 Berber Tagine, a whole chicken served with green olives. You didn't even need a knife it was so moist and delicious. #4 Casbah couscous with onions, raisins and chick peas. I feel that couscous should be served with every meal. #5 Shish kabobs we had two beef and two veggie and all yummy-licious. #6 Moroccan baklava with hot mint tea. As many of you recall, I hate honey. For whatever reason, I found this dessert to be fantabulous. It was a great night, relaxing, lazy, decadent. Little Marrakesh also has entertainment, live belly dancers. 3 young ladies shook what their mamas gave them. There was one dancer in particular that was had a very big belly. But she looked amazing and when it came time for audience participation, I joined it. It was very freeing and I felt like a sex bomb.

Sunday we slept in and then gorged ourselves at the Cracker Barrel. We capped off our mini vacay w/ a trip to score some cheap liquor and quickie tour of the airplane museum.

Hopefully next month, I'll be regaling everyone with another mini vacation adventure.

PA Photos

Monday, March 30, 2009

Not so Perfect

Time to play, please comment and enjoy!

1) If you could train a person or animal to do one thing for you whenever you wanted, and then return to you, what would you have it do?  Iron. I hate ironing. I think I would have penguins iron for me. They're ready made as servants 'cause of their little tuxedos.

2) What kind of cowardice do you most despise?  In myself, I cannot stand my fear of failure, it's so hindering.

3) Did March come in "like a lion" this year, or leave that way? Or both, or neither?  The old adage held true this year, definately lion-o at the beginning and very lambesque on the way out. At least in upstate NY it did.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? The damn picture wouldn't copy and paste even on SexyBeast's MacBook. It's a drawing of a weird flower thing on a table against the back drop of a blue sky. My thought: "Mid 1980's computer animation does not stand the test of time."

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


I'm just gonna be honest w/ everyone. I missed a good chunk of Top Model 'cause SexyBeast and I were doing it. And I really don't regret that decision.

OK, the hamsters got their walking lesson from Miss J. This year he was dressed as a school marm. I like Miss J mostly, some of his made up supermodel language is super annoying though. And my alien Allison was the least graceful and was told to practice, practice, practice. And Natalie became a super asshat this epi. Apparantly, she has modeling experience and did nothing but deride the other hamsters and constantly remind me the viewer how fucking fabulous she is.

Then I watched the judging. This week for the photo shoot the hamsters were avant garde stereotypes of New Yorkers, i.e. stockbrokers on Wall street, tourists in Times Square, artistes in Soho, nannies Uptown and bored little rich girls. Why? God I hate putting people into groups and labels. It's infuriating! Not everyone fits into the same little box. And another thing, this is the 2nd week in the row where we've had group photo shoots. Enough! Top photo went to nanny wannabe Sandra, whom I dislike intensely. She's a one note, "fierce" look and she's a big meanie. And packing their bags and going home is Nijah for being pretty but not model pretty.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

If Only.....

Hmmm, it seems to have happened without me realizing it but Tuesdays have become my unofficial rant day. I kinda feel like the wet blanket since so many of my blogger friends have been writing about positive change and not being dragged into the abyss of negativity. However, I will write this as a disclaimer for the following post, it's just a teeny rant.

As I have mentioned several times, SexyBeast and I just celebrated our one year dating anniversary. I love talking about him 'cause he is simply the best man I've ever known. But I digress. We snuggled on the couch to watch Blindness, a movie I didn't get a chance to see in the movie theatre last year. The premise sounded intriguing, an entire city succumbing to a blindness plague and it starred Julianne Moore. I love her!!! She's a stunning older woman and she make freckles sexy. Thanks, Julianne!

WRONG-OLA!!!! This movie was terrible. The characters were flat and one dimensional. The pacing was waaaaaayyyyy off, I swear I aged another 5 years watching this fucker. Plus they had Julianne paired up with Mark Ruffalo, whom I normally don't mind watching. They had zero chemistry and all of their scenes together seemed unnatural. None of the characters in the movie had any 1st names and upon viewing the credits Julianne's character was "Doctor's wife." Why? So pretentious. All the imagery seemed really heavy handed. The whole thing just fell flat. Afterwards, I remarked to SexyBeast that I wanted to read the novel the movie was based on, "Why do you like torturing yrself?"

So as not to be a complete Negative Nelly, here are the good points: the sets were pretty damn amazing, like a cross between an Ikea catalogue and a state asylum of the 1950's. Also, the nudity was interesting, I viewed naked bodies of various ages and shapes. It was quite refreshing. Plus, Julianne Moore has tiny saggy boobs and she's not afraid to show 'em off. Good for you!

Please, do not see this movie.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Curious Cat #161

Hey, people it's ok to comment on my weirdness! : )

1) What is the most evil thing you’ve ever done (that you’re willing to admit online)? I don't have an evil bone in my body.

2) Of all the people from the Bible -- excluding Jesus, because that is too easy ;-) -- who would you most like to meet? Mary Magdalene. I want the truth, history has vindicated that woman to no end. Of course, I believe that a woman is neither a virgin or a whore. There's a gigantic area in the middle to fill in.

3) What is the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard? Gosh, so many. My cat's meow, when SexyBeast cums, my niece's laughter, my other niece singing "Holly Jolly Christmas", rain, the waves pounding on the shore, when my friends say my name, all my favourite songs.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. I'm on my Dad's lame ass Dell so no photo. It's a red votive candle, lit and prisms of light reflecting everywhere. "Light a candle for my sins."

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Plot to Kill

Spring has sprung in the Capital District and SexyBeast and I decided to take full advantage of the warmer weather. March 14th was our one year dating anniversary (also known as pi day to the ubergeeks out there!) and we planned to kick back and take it easy.

We got up Sunday to find the sky blue and the sun refreshingly warm. I had on my Merrill hiking boots, sturdy and comfortable. SexyBeast harumphed at them. I thought "Pshaw! What does he know?" We drove over to Plotterkill in Rotterdam, NY. FYI "kill" is Dutch for creek. Nothing sinister in the name at all. When I was in high school, the head bangers would hang out there and drink and fuck and fight. And put up nasty ignorant devil worship graffiti.

Did I mention that Plotterkill is in a higher elevation? We were surrounded my snow. I was now wishing my boots were water proof. We tarried on, carry not to slip on the ice. "I hear the creek! Let's check it out!" We made our way and  I noted this hike is not for beginners. And yes there was the creek but no bridge. We walked farther up to see if the creek head narrowed. No such luck. SexyBeast tried to fashion a home made pathway out of fallen branches. It looked too unsafe to try. Then we discovered a fallen tree. SexyBeast went 1st, shimmying on his butt. I took the cue from him and I FREAKED out. I made it but I was hyperventilating the entire time, worried about falling and breaking my neck. But we made it...... only to find more water. SexyBeast pole vaulted across. And my feet took a dip in the drink. One foot then the other. I thought I was standing on  a tree root. But we had our Shamwow w/ us so........

We finished our hike on higher ground until we were exhausted. I looked like a hot mess. It was the best part of my weekend.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Make Over?

This cycle on Top Model, Tyrant switched things up and make overs were this week's episode. To me, that seems like a waste of money. I like it when they hold off on that sorta thing. Kortnie w/ a bad tan looks super cute w/ auburn shoulder length hair. Too bad they can't do anything about her orange skin. Crazy eyed but still adorable Allison now has long blonde Barbie hair. Put her back, she looks like a prosti-tot! Honest to Pete, they make overs are especially horrible this time 'round. And yes we have a crier folks, it's Fo. She's half Mexican/ half black and all tears! Seriously, it's hair, it will grow back. And she looked great w/ her mod pixie cut.

Also starting this week, the crazy ass challenges. The hamsters meet up w/ their awesome make up artist Sutan. He's the bee's knees, people! Anyways, enough my my fag hagging, Sutan breaks the hamsters up in 4 teams of 3. The teams scour the streets of NYC to find a attention whore to bust a make over on w/ craptastic Cover Girl products. The weiners were Sandra (mean bitch), Aminat (meh) and Celia (big jaw but very good dress sense). Their photo shoot photo will be displayed on That's pretty sucky prize if you ask me.

For the photo shoot, the hamsters pose in their challenge groups and have to "light" themselves. They have to these penisy light sticks things that don't actually light. And the photographer for this week is none other Mr. Nigel Barker, one of the judges and a sexy bald man to boot. And the top photo for the week is Teyona of the face caught in a wind tunnel. Seriously, she's very odd looking. And hitting the bricks is Jessica who appearantly has never heard a lick of criticism in her pretty perfect life and it doesn't matter 'cause she's hotter than all the other hamsters. Way to be humble, jack ass!

After my writing about my poor self-image, watching thin tall women is not really theraputic. I at least take some solace in the fact that I can read a whole book and understand it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Mirror, Mirror

As I mentioned in a previous post, SexyBeast and I got into a fight over my poor self image.

Hmmmmmm..... I guess I'll start at the beginning. I was never a skinny kid, not fat but average. My mother has been every diet in the history of man. When I was 12, I was universally hated by every kid in my class. I ate 'cause I was lonely and was picked on constantly. Uh oh. I was a chubbo until I was 17. Even though I was smoking pot, I wasn't heavy. Then I played the yo yo game of gaining and losing. After I graduated from college it all went down hill. I only left my apartment to go to work and buy food. I was fat and disgusting. I cried alot. I moved to NH and went on Weight Watchers and I got thinner. I was happy but insecure and needy. I got treated like crap from many many men. I got fat again but I couldn't face it. I moved back to NY, I got thinner. I met SexyBeast and I've been struggling to stay thin.

He loves me. He thinks I'm the most beautiful creature he's ever seen. He constantly reassuring me I look great. I'm angry, can't he tell my I have a major muffin top or sometimes my double chin comes out to play? I'm constantly critical of every single photo taken of myself. Is that really what I look like? I hate the way my eyes squinch up when I smile. I hate my broad man shoulders.

I work out 3 times a week. I eat a well balanced meals. But then again I drink alot of alcohol. I don't care about portion sizes when SexyBeast cooks for me.

I don't have anything to add. I feel wasted.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Brain Vomit

Meme,, etc.

1) Describe your everyday dishes. Do you like them? When I lived alone, I had a creamy beige French provincial style Dalton set with a delicate light blue flower in the center. I don't like them. My mother gave them to me as a Christmas present one year and then preceded to buy the entire line to go w/ it 'cause it was being discontinued.

2) What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done on purpose? Trying to score pot.

3) Whose reputation would you like to ruin, and how would you do it? And whose would you want to enhance? I would never purposely ruin anybody's reputation. I prefer to let people destroy themselves. I would love to enhance my own reputation as a writer. Guess I better get crackin'!

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Buffet night at Taj Mahal.

Saturday, March 14, 2009


I have once again surprised myself. I have started a new short story. Bringing me up to a total of 3 stories! I have this fear that I'm not good enough. I'm get lazy and don't want to write. I'm afraid that my love of writing will abate, I will never want to be creative again. I have a good feeling about this and I am in love w/ my character. But then I get that nagging voice inside my head my head telling me I'm derivative, I'm a hack, I'm a one note. OK so what happen when I have a sufficient amount of short stories, what then?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

When they do the Double Dutch, that's Slam Dancing...

Well, it's that time for everyone's favourite show they love to hate and hate to love, America's Next Top Model. Whoot!

In the 2 hour premiere, we had 34 wanna be's whittled down to 21 semi-finalists and finally the lucky 13 hamsters going to New York to be ridiculed, tortured and belittled for millions of people's viewing pleasure.

For the 1st photo shoot, Tyrant Banks chose a cause that's very near and dear to her gigantic weave, young girls acting like young girls. 'cause girls these days want to go from 10 to 25. Thanks, Captain States the Obvious! That withstanding, I thought the wardrobe and makeup looked outstanding.

And the winning photo of the week goes to Allison for her awesome double dutch shot. And first sad girl leaving is Isabella for not being tall enough and not having an edge in her dodgeball shot. And personally I think her hairstyle is too old for her. I nearly choked when I saw her age listed as 19. 19! I thought for sure 25.

Early faves are Allison, 'cause she's bug eyed and creepy, and Kortnie the not quite plus size that used to date Dale Earnhardt Jr. with a super cute button nose. Jealous!

Good luck, bitches!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

And her Nautical Nuns.....

One day at the office, my work wife and I were stuck doing paperwork ALL day, no client appointments or home visits, nothing but bureaucratic bullshit for the entire day. I noticed Wifey had her ear buds in but no ipod shuffle. What gives?

Then one of the single greatest things happened, Wifey introduced me to Pandora Radio. Free streaming radio on-line. But what makes Pandora so unique is the user can plug in a song or an artist that they adore and Pandora not only plays said artist but it spins off music it thinks you would like as well.

There is a thumbs up/ thumbs down button that allows the user to rate the selection. If you give it a thumbs down, Pandora will stop playing the offensive piece of shit and states "We are sorry. We will never play this song again." There's even option to ban artists! And of course, if yr really digging something, you can bookmark the song &/or the artist. Which how I got entranced by Andrew Bird.

Wifey has aprox 7 stations going right now. I have 4, Stereolab, Vampire Weekend, Kimya Dawson and The Clash. A very eclectic range of musical styles and that's the charm of me.

And what you, my loyal readers, don't know is I'm listening to Pandora right now! Pretty sneaky, sis.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Un-numbered Meme

Happy Monday and enjoy!

1) If your parents were to confess to the most shocking thing you can imagine, what would it be? My oldest brother was born out of wedlock. It's certainly a possibility, though highly unlikely.

2) What was (or is) the best toy you’ve ever owned? Going by hours used and level of enjoyment, a 3 way tie between my orange and blue Sit N' Spin, Spirograph and Animal Bingo.

3) What one affordable gift, besides money, would you like to receive from everyone you know on your next birthday? Books or CD's (MP3's).

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. I won a soup eating contest!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Cha-Cha-Changes, Time to Change the Oil!

I've spruced up the place! I got a burst of energy and creativity. Hope you all enjoy


Finally we have reached the end of the Top Chef season! I think I'm burned out and I'm glad I don't have to recap it any more. Stick a fork in me people!

As per usual, for the final Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants get a sous chef. Usually it's somebody who's already gotten the boot. However, they mixed it up this year and the chefs chose from runners-up from seasons past. Marcel the Douchebag is with Stefan, Casey the Adequate is with Carla and Richard Fancy Gadgets is with Hosea. Can you tell what I thought of the second placers? Basically the chefs must make a 3 course meal, anything goes free style no holds barred balls to the wall insert yr cliche here.

During the frantic prep, the cheftestants get a wacky curve ball. They have to make an appetiser (SURPRISE!) using an ingredient synonymous w/ New Orleans cuisine: red fish, crab and alligator. In order to pick who gets what, the cheftestants have to eat a King's cake (a VERY sweet bread w/ bright purple and green frosting) and find the baby Jesus figurine. But they can't say it's Jesus on Bravo, so it's merely a baby. And the winner is Hosea! And he's sooooo cute hamming it up w/ baby Jesus. He picks the red fish and gives Carla the crab and Stefan has alligator. Stefan fumes and he's cranking in the kitchen that Hosea wasn't sharing this blah blah blah.

The cheftestants are all serving at the same time to a group of illustrious food notables and Rocco Dispirito is there too. Apps first and it's neck and neck and neck. Then 1st course, Carla edges slowly ahead w/ her seared salmon w/ saffron aioli on crouton. Not a fish fan but the it looks very nice. 2nd course all are even as Carla's sous-vide steak and potatoes is bland and smushy. 3rd course Hosea pulls ahead w/ his venison loin and wild mushrooms and Stefan's 80's dessert and Carla's missing souffle are panned by the panel. And Hosea is crowned the winner! I liked his stuff. He was assy for smooching another woman on nationwide television but he's a damn good chef.

Not an ounce of Tony Bourdain this season. No wonder it felt a little bland.

Next week heralds the triumphant return of the trashylicious America's Next Top Model.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Good, the Bad and the Snowy

Last month SexyBeast and I watched Fargo. SexyBeast had never seen it! And I had forgotten how much I enjoyed that film. Frances McDormand was definitely deserving of the Best Actress Oscar that year. And what I picked up this time was use of the negative space. The frigid Minnesotan winter, the expanse of the countryside. Desolate somber back drop to a hilarious and incredibly violent movie. The scene where Peter Stormere ruthlessly murders 3 people on the cold lonely road was hauntingly beautiful. When I see a really great movie, I never want it to end. Then I think of a million great scenarios for "sequel".

Conversely, the next evening we watched X-Files: I Want to Believe. Loved the title, loved the trailer. This was garbage and I'm really glad I never spent the money to see it at the theatre. There was nothing eerie, thought provoking or shocking about any of it. I don't know, there was a lot missing. The story felt half assed and worst of all David Duchovny shaved off his skanky sexy beard 1/4 way through the movie. Much as the snow and cold were characters in Fargo, as was in X-Files. Except like everything else in this piece of shit, this character was badly drawn and under developed.

SexyBeast now has many other Cohen brothers movies on his queue.

Monday, March 2, 2009

(Tell me Why) I Don't Like Mondays

It's meme day, everyone. As per usual, brought to you by Comment, question, enjoy!

1) What is the single most important moment in history for organized religion? 1963 Catholic Conference. It boiled down to women can have their heads uncovered in church, the mass would no longer be said in Latin and people could have meat on Fridays. I was raised in the Catholic church, went to Catholic school for 10 years. Now, I believe in God but not in organized religion. However, I believe this change in the Catholic church was an important one because somebody finally fucking figured out that the old ways were meaningless, out dated and discriminatory towards women.

2) What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done on purpose? I walked out in front of traffic when I was 14 because I thought I wanted to kill myself. A car missed me by an inch and I realized the finality of suicide.

3) Who is the one person you’ve hated the most in your lifetime? Mrs. Hartnett. A teacher from my Catholic school days. She lived to humiliate and belittle the kids that were not her "favourites". She was a dumb bitch that couldn't teach her way out of a paper bag. She actually had us correct our own test papers. Lazy cow! The one thing in therapy that I never worked out.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. I don't know where I'm going but it feels right.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Acapulco Day 7 (Last Day!)

We went to breakfast w/ SexyBeast's parents to 100% Natural. A Mexican version of a green cafe. You get a completely different perspective on recycling, clean air and ecology by being a 2nd world country. It's just not ingrained in the culture to put a plastic bottle in the garbage even. Anyways, 100% is one the few vegetarian eateries around. I had a spicy veggie omelet the size of my head w/ runny pinto beans and a strawberry vanilla pecan yoghurt smoothie. I left uncomfortably full but mentally healthier : )

SexyBeast is obsessed w/ Westerns, he even has the soundtrack to Django! A week before our trip, he said he wanted a sarape/poncho like Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. We ended up at one of those touristy open markets. I tried to adopt the "don't fuck w/me" look but I don't know if it was a success. We got the sarape (made from alpaca wool!), a knock off Hard Rock T-shirt and fire opal bracelet. Plus I got to pet the tiniest orange kitty. He was so small, his ears looked like a bat.

Then back to the beach, I wanted to remember every moment. I nearly cried when I got my last beach massage. I highly recommend getting a massage on the beach from the locals. She went everywhere! Well, not like that pervs!

Last meal, I got all dressed up in my Little Black Dress that I've never worn since I bought it. Mostly because of my yo-yo dieting. SexyBeast snapped some pictures much to my protest. Then I screamed about how fat and unappealing I looked. Then he screamed at me that my self-deprecation was getting old. I think I'll get more into this issue in a future post.

We went to Cabrito's (little goat) and SexyBeast had the best mole chicken in the universe. The sauce is secret blend of herbs and spices. I was gobsmacked! I chowed down on filet mignon. It was bloody and good and bloody good.

We sat out on the balcony, silent and pensive.

The trip home was uneventful. Hope you enjoyed my vacation as much as I did.