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Tuesday, June 30, 2009

That Summer Wind

Well, amigos I am off for a 5 day vacation in Swan Lake, NY. Whereby I'll be drinking White Russians starting at 11 am until last man standing, interspersed w/ poker and watching movies and drinking games.

Back on Monday!! Happy Independence Day!!!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Manic Meme

Happy Monday, everyone! The loverly kitty cat over at is taking a wee break from the weekly blog. In the interim, I'll be memeing w/ Comment, question, enjoy!

Do you usually wear perfume/cologne? If so, what's your current favorite? Yes, I have this fear that I'm stinky. And as part of my OCD, I wear one perfume for an entire week. That way they all become part of the rotation. Current faves are Aqua Lily from The Body Shop and Grass by GapScent. Grass has been discontinued and I have to purchase it off of ebay.

What's the last book you've read that you thought was really good? If you don't have one, what looks promising on your to-be-read list? "This is not Chick Lit" a collection of short stories by female writers. It blew my mind! Plus, it had some many different styles of writing  in it that it  made my thirst to become published grow.

Fill in the blank: I wouldn't be caught dead having a screaming match in public.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Scrappy Doo

Hey, everyone. The gorgeous and awesome Lily at has tagged me to take part in the Honest Scrap award list 10 things about you that people don't know. I was tagged by Amorous Rocker not too long ago at but I love a challenge and Lily is the best, check her shit out.

1. I used to smoke alot of pot. I mean ALOT and my family still doesn't know.

2. If you wanna win me over, tell me I smell nice. I don't what it is, but that's just the nicest compliment ever.

3. I hate all seafood, except scallops. And you could tell me how wonderful lobster tastes, I don't give a fuck, I ain't eating it.

4. I once drove all night to Montreal from Schenectady, NY to have a drink at a bar.

5. I'm never going to have children and I'm really OK w/ that decision.

6. I had my left nipple pierced for 5 years.

7. And whilst we are on the conversation of tits, I had a breast reduction when I was 28.

8. I used to harbour a secret wish to become Axl Rose's groupie when I was in high school.

9. I always think people will hate me when they meet me.

10. I think I may have OCD, I have unusual repetative habits.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dharma Love

Ahhhh this week of Top Chef Masters had it all, vending machines, Lost and vending machines. Sorry, again there is a big discrepancy in my likes/dislikes, whilst I loves the fresh veggies and such, I ADORE junk food. Ah, well.

This week's cheftestants were Graham Elliot Bowles, a shoot from the hip tattooed guy, soft spoken Suzanne Tract, no stranger to Top Chef and molecular gastronomist Wylie Dufresne & hard ass lesbian pastry chef Elizabeth Faulkner. Interesting group o' chefs, game on!

For the Quickfire Challenge, I had a feeling of deja vu as they brought back the vending machine amuse bouche challenge from Top Chef season 2. I thought this a was super duper awesome to begin w/, so I was excited to revisit this scrum-diddly challenge. And guest judging and scoring the cheftestants were 3 former Top Chefers from season 2, lame ass winner Ilian, annoying Betty and stoner Artie Lange look-alike Mikey. And winning the most points for Quickfire was Suzanne w/ her fried shallot microgreen salad w/ Dr. Pepper aioli. I'm guessing she picked apart a vending machine salad. I don't know. The soda is the only thing she could have bought out of a machine. And coming in with the lowest points was Wylie cause he over reduced his Dr. Pepper sauce over his grilled onion and cheese sandwich. Not sure 'bout that one.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants had to cook for the writers and creators of Lost. AHHHHHH!!!!!! Love love love that show. However, the cheftestants could only use fresh foods that could be found on the island, mostly fish, boar and tropical fruits. AND everything else used on the plate could only come from a can or a jar. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA! Awesome, I love it. And making a clean sweep again was Suzanne, who made a ginormous plate of food of risotto uni, clams, prawns, boar w/ oyster beer sauce, and mango corn salad. Suzanne will be going to the final master round w/ Hubert Keller. And 1st eliminated was Elizabeth 'cause her mango pudding was really baby food.

Round 3 next week....

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

OUCH!!! My Eyes!

'k I have a confession to make. As much as I like to think myself pretty fucking cultured and all together awesome, I really like stupid VH1 reality shows. I have been sucked into watching "Daisy of Love". For those of you not in the know and have better sense than I, Daisy (not her real name) missed out on winning has been balding rocker Bret Michael's heart. I say, bitch dodged a bullet if you ask me.

VH1 felt it necessary that Daisy get her own show, 'cause she's just a lonely gal looking for love. Ummmmmm....... no not so much. She's a drunken whore that makes poor relationship choices.
And it doesn't help that the contestants are a bunch of skanky fame whore losers. There was a hot teacher on the show for about a minute. But she decided, they didn't have enough in common. Yes because he uses words that have more than one syllable. And further proof in her sub-normal intelligence is she gave all the jackass boys nicknames. Guess she's too busy w/ her music and posing to learn their real names.

But you know what really grinds my gears, she's not even that attractive! And I'm not saying that because I think she's trash. She is seriously hideous. Bleached out hair extensions, orangey fake tan, 50 ass tons of make up on at all times (even when she's going to "sleep"!) and pumped full of enough collagen and silicon to stun an ox.

And sadly, I will continue to watch this dreck until a winner is determined. God help us all.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Cat is Back

Hola, amigos. hhtp:// Enjoy, question, comment, etc.

1) If you could have any view in the world visible from your bed, what would it be? Acapulco Bay.

2) What's the first movie you remember ever seeing in a theater? Battlestar Galatica in 1978 at the Scotia Theatre. I cried because I thought the world was coming to an end.

3) What's the most difficult confession you've ever had to make? "Hi, Mom. I've overdrawn several hundred dollars from my bank account. I'm going to have to live w/you and Dad for awhile."

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Sexybeast updated Opera, it kinda sucks. Anyways, the photog is a kid in a park playing the trombone. "67 Trombones led the big parade!"

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Master and Commander

ARGH!!! FUCK!!! Blogspot has a hair across it's ass 'cause I have to rewrite my entire post. Fuckers!

Ok so, Wednesday recap awesome TV shows is back.

Top Chef has returned for a new season.... w/ a twist. Top Chef Masters takes 4 well known chefs that duke it out weekly for a place in Final Grand Master Championship. The weekly winner is determined on pointage and 10,000 bucks is donated to winning chef's favourite charity. My 9 y/o niece, Zozo Beans, asked me what donate meant. "Well, money is given to needy people." "Huh. That's weird." Heh heh.

This week we had Hubert Keller of Fleur de Lys and all around nice guy, Christopher Lee (wasn't he Dracula in the Hammer Films?) from a place that looked like Aerola, hottie Texan Tim Love, boy howdy!, and Michael Schlow.

For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants had to make an ultra creative dessert for a group of Girl Scouts. And highest scorer was my man Hubert w/ his mouse and swan mousses. Aww, too cute! And sucking it big was Schlow, his ice cream was soupy, his cake would not set. He ended up serving candy w/ a smidgen of cake slopped w/ chocolate ganache. Schlow, you cannot bullshit a Girl Scout.

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs had to make a 3 course dinner in a college dorm room using only a microwave, hot plate and toaster oven. Ouch, sucky! I don't know about you but the only time I use my microwave is to make popcorn or defrost meat. I've never actually cooked in it. And winning this round is Hubert Keller w/ Scottish salmon, sweet soup of carrot and pea and shrimp mac n' cheese. This is something I would never ever eat, as I am not a fan of sweet soups or seafood. Sexybeast would definitely love love the shellfish mac n' cheese though. And Schlow scored the lowest, his pork chops were overcooked.

Next week another 4 chefs step into the ring.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Happy Hands at Home

I've been feeling uninspired about the blog-o-verse lately. I believe it has something to do w/ procrastinating w/ my short story I've been working on. And trying to publish my completed story (which is still untitled!).

But I am making a much more concerted effort in becoming more disciplined w/ my writing efforts.

In order to keep my creative what-its going, I have decided to be a little more crafty. I've always been envious of peeps who can paint or sew or make purty stuff. When I was 5, I tried drawing a witch w/ my 64 box o' Crayola (jealous, bitches?) and it was NOT coming out right at all. My stubby little fingers were not doing what my brain had envisioned! My mother said to me, "Well, some people weren't meant to draw." Ow.

I spied a book entitled "Generation T" by that sexy crafty mama and editor of Bust magazine, Debbie Stoller. You can re-purpose yr old T-shirts and make them into awesome stuff for little to no money. Except for the outrageous cost of the book of course.

Pictures to follow....

Monday, June 15, 2009

I Wish it Funday!

So has not posted their daily meme and I was forced to cheat w/ another. I was driven to it, people! Today's meme is brought to you by Comment, question, enjoy!

What is the last song that was stuck in your head and how did you get rid of it? Ah, the infamous ear worm. Only 3 things can kill it: 1. Let it die out on it's own. 2. Get another ear worm. 3. Give it someone else. The last song would be Lady Gaga "Poker Face". Damn that shit is catchy and I don't even like house music. Do the kids still call it house music?

If you had to say what one thing in your life best represents your freedom, what would it be? My vehicle, which is getting a new transmission as we speak. Fucking shyster car salesmen!

If you were invited to the White House for dinner tonight, what would you wear from your current wardrobe? My perfect very cute Jones NY black and green size 11 cocktail dress that was regularly priced at 147.00 that I bought at an outlet store for 80!

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sisters in Sweat

I went to a cheesy Catholic school from Pre-K to 8th grade. We had no playground, instead I "enjoyed" playing in a parking lot. In the 4th grade, I played a vigorous game of kickball and and got some serious road rash on my upper back thigh (the underneath part of my butt) and the recess monitor did nothing! My grandma picked little stones out of my flesh. Thank sucked quite a bit as you can imagine. Combined w/ the fact that St. Paul's only had one girls' sports team, basketball. Currently, I'm 5'1", back then I was miniscule. Basketball out. It didn't matter, I was more of a book worm anyway.

I went to a public high school and quickly realized the cliques between the different sportos. Plus, my 9th grade phys. ed. teacher was a burnt out crusty old bitch. Seriously, that old cow was 90! No point in parading about my inadequacies.

When I got to college, chicks talked about going to the gym and working out all the time. Did real people actually do that? It seemed like only characters in inane early 90's TV shows exercised.

As I've gotten older and my metabolism, has slowed down to the pace of a cadaver. I power walk to keep my cellulite under control. And I hate it! I physical exercise, it's not fun and I get no pleasure out of it. 

Lately, I've been thinking about starting up an intra-mural kickball team in the Capital District. Kickball is the highlight of my sports career in middle school. Let's bring it back!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Free Wheelin' Phairhead/ Sue B.

As I have stated previously (and please note I don't know how to do a fancy clickable link to an older post of mine, so just pretend like you know what I mean), this is to be The Summer of Sue. I am going out of my way to put myself into uncomfortable situations or doing things I've been afraid of doing.

Last week my office had a staff retreat. It was bitter sweet as 2 of my co-workers are leaving and the 2 AWESOME nuns that run the Transportation for the Sick program are becoming part of the main branch of Catholic Charities. In addition, we all worked on our panel for the AIDS Quilt and spent a lot of time remembering clients we lost.

Good news though, eating vast amounts of food kills grief! Hmmmmmm......... grilled wieners.

The second half of the day was considerably more light hearted. I played a game of Frisbee, even though I suck and am horribly uncoordinated. I said to myself, "Self, nobody gives a fuck that you can't throw a Frisbee. Have fun!" Then we broke into our groups for a mini agency challenge. My team came in 2nd. And I was quite proud of myself as I volunteered to get into the freezing cold drink and kayak. When I was a kid, I went to Girl Scout camp and was pathetic at the row boat and never bothered to learn how to canoe. Seriously, what the fuck is the point? For the test, you HAD to tip the canoe over intentionally and then paddle back to shore w/ a flooded canoe. I pronounce thee, LAME. Anyways, I choose a kayak and a life jacket that fit over my boobs and got to paddling. To my dismay, we were in open kayaks. Basically, I was in a piece of teetering plastic, praying to God that I didn't fall out of the stupid thing. Then I remembered Miss J from Top Model, "grace and posture, grace and posture." I came in an admirable 2nd.

I am now addicted to kayaking. I love love love it. And thankfully enough, my parents have 2 kayaks and I will be forcing Sexybeast out on the lake every weekend this summer.

Monday, June 8, 2009

late meme

1) What sin do you most enjoy committing? LUST!!!!! I loves me some fornicatin'! Especially since we had to abstain all weekend while we were visiting family but when we got home WOOOOWWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

2) Describe your cookie jar, or the closest facsimile you have. I don't have cookie jar anymore. My cat Squeaky demolished the cookie jar I had. It was white and green and it had an Italian
16th century market scene etched into it. I took it from Bitchy Grandma, apparently it was a gift from my mother when she was dating my dad. And now it's gone and my mother is no longer into pottery.

3) If you needed to carry a weapon with you all the time, what would you choose? My sarcasm is a weapon. In yo' face!

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. On the lame ass Dell. Lots of broken brown egg shells. "You have to break a few eggs to make an omelet."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Chick Lit, EEWWWWWWW!!!!!

Part of my growth as an unpaid writer has been inspired in a large part by authors that I adore, specifically Melissa Banks and Curtis Sittenfeld. Two very different and 50 kinds of awesome writers who tell unconventional stories with grace and power. I get steam coming out of my ears when people praise scholockyness of so-called greats like Jennifer Wiener and Jodi Piccoult. Ugh! Talk about trite, unrealistic nonsense! Fie on chick lit and it's one dimensional bullshit!

I remember when "The Girl's Guide to Hunting & Fishing" was published in 1998, the year I graduated from college. I gave it to my sister-in-law for her birthday that year. When I inquired if she enjoyed it, she said "It was really different." 10 years later, I finally picked up the damn thing and was totally blown away. The protagonist, Jane, is a stellar example of woman trying and failing and triumphing over the modern day foibles in NYC. Banks followed the monster hit of "Girl's" w/ "The Wonder Spot". Both books begin the same way, pubescent girl getting a peek at the complexities of life and love and follows the trajectory of their lives. My only complaint is that of Sophie, the main character, of "The Wonder Spot". She isn't very sympathetic but I've grown to understand her. And that's a mark of awesome book, thinking of the characters as real people.

Conversely, when my birthday rolled around this past October 21st (hint hint), I was not super psyched to read the novel that my sister-in-law gave to me. "The Man of my Dreams" sounded like a gigantic piece of shit. Boy, was I wrong! The story was compelling and sad and amazing. I hunted out Sittenfeld's other works, "Prep" and "American Wife". "Prep" and "Man" are similar in that the protagonist is a minor character in the story of her life. "American Wife" is a fictionalized account of the life of Laura Bush. Wow! Why didn't I think of something like that?

I urge each and everyone of you, go to Barnes & (Ig)Noble, your libraries,, what have and get yr hands on the works of these extraordinary authors.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Awesome Update

Hey, folks! So you may have noticed as of late, that I have not had a proper post in a good long while. Lately, I've been feeling the pressure of adulthood and wistfully pining for the days when I rarely bathed and my worst problem was not being able to decide what to buy from the ice cream man (or as we call him around these parts "Mr. Ding-a-ling").

And what, you may ask, is so all fired important? Well, as I may have mentioned before, I am in the midst of trying to find a new and better paying job. I have been scouring job search engines and sending my resume out like a fiend. Also, I took the county civil service exam for a position at the Schenectady County Department of Social Service, or in lay man's terms, "welfare office".

And my Kia Spectra LS is kaput, I decided not to sink another penny into that dying piece of shit. Which then forced me to purchase a new, or new to me rather, vehicle. I am now the proud owner of a 2002 Honda Accord XL, navy blue leather interior sunroof and 6 CD changer. Swaaaaaanky!!!! Unfortunately, I now have a car payment of 160/month but at least I don't have to worry about breaking down somewhere.

Now I can devote more time to my fiction writing. I started a new short story but the way it's developing, it's now a novel. My publishing friend has encouraged me to send out my last short story for publication. Any pointers on how to go about doing so?

I also promise not to bitch and complain so much and return to my awesome grrly self.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Curious # 141

It's Monday Meme Day. Comment or play along.

1) Among the people you know well, who would you nominate for sainthood? Hmmmmm......... my boyfriend's great aunt. Great as in she's his aunt's aunt, his grandmother's sister. Her name is Sister Lucille. I'm not saying this 'cause she works for God but she's a really awesome lady.

2) What is the strongest opinion you hold? A woman's right to choose. I've worked for Planned Parenthood, I got to see the effects of unwanted pregnancies on many different types of women. Let's keep abortion safe and legal!

3) What sport do you wish had never been invented? Golf. I mean really, what's the point?

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Typing from my father's lame ass Dell. It's a black and white of a fern leaf. "I've come undone."