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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

In ya Tall Bitches Faces!

Top Model time, y'all.

Whoo whee! There was a lot of back biting and triangulating in this epi. And I ate that shit right up!

To humiliate the hamsters even further, they were forced to walk in a fashion show w/ a partner an Amazon sized model. It looked so freakin' weird! And the winner was snooty tooty Brittany. She seems so uptight and un-fun. Brittany and 2 of the other hamsters get to appear in a Seventeen magazine photo spread. Seventeen ain't no Sassy!

For the photo shoot, the hamsters had to appear and pose tall. Pshaw! All you have to do to make yr self taller is sleep for 12 hours, wear pin strips and platforms and walk a tiny dog. Right, Bart? And photo o' the week, went to manly Kara. Damn! She looks like a cave woman. Ugh! And taking the bus back to mama was Lulu 'cause she was resting on pretty.

Stay tuned for more misadventures...

Deconstructing Suzi

Top Chef recap!

And I'm still mourning Mattin. As a tribute to their fallen homie, all the cheftestants wore his signature red scarf around their necks. AWWW!

For the Quickfire, the cheftestants are greeted by Top Chef guest judge and semi-regular Michelle Bernstein. Everyone must make a duo representing temptation and restraint. And sucking it hard were Ash and his unfinished custard (ew!), Bryan and his poorly executed light and dark desserts and Laurine and her crap chicken. I like Laurine but yeah chicken 2 ways. Kinda lame. And the winning immunity was Robin and her duo of apples, one salad and one apple crumb desserty thang. Robin is annoying but hey she won. And dick Eli was bitching that she won 'cause she played the cancer card. Douche!

For the Elimination Challenge, the KNIFE BLOCK O' DOOM. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Hee, haven't you guys always wondered how much fun it would be to wear a black stove pipe hat and handlebar moustache? Some day, friends, some day. Anyways, the cheftestants picked a traditional dish and had to create a deconstructed dish out of it. Not a fan of deconstructionism in literature, after watching this epi, it seems like it could be fun to use in cooking. The winner was Kevin and his deconstructed chicken mole negro. Holy God! Chicken mole fucking rules anyways! But to reinvent it, fuck yeah! And packing it up was Ron and his not really deconstructed paella.

And we get a break from Top Chef next week. See ya in 2 and 2.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Our House" Part I

As some of you may or may not know, Sexybeast and I purchased a home of our own. And by "we", I mean Sexybeast 'cause I make 2 cents an hour. And if I may go off on a tangent, why the hell did The Man remove the cents symbol from the keyboard? I love that symbol! Fuckheads!

Anyways, we own a modest 2 bedroom home in a quiet suburban neighborhood. I love it, it's a great 1st house. But it was a looooooong road to get there. Here's a journey down memory lane of the dogs we had peruse before finding THE ONE.

1. (I'll be talking about places in my area, hope y'all don't mind)A 3 bedroom in Delmar. Hmm, that sounds swanky. That's kinda of posh area, wonder why it's so reasonable? Oh, right! It's in a shared driveway behind a bank on a busy main street. The acreage around the back of the house was basically an embankment that may or may have been used by the mob to dump bodies. Well, maybe the inside is workable. Hmmmm..... no, not so much. As Sexybeast cannot stand upright in the 2nd floor of the house. Not to mention all of the bedrooms were so tiny they looked they were furnished w/doll house furniture.

2. We thought #2 would be our new home. It was perfect, in a remote part of Albany County (West Berne), lots of usable acreage and the right size to the interior of the house. Sexybeast, "Hey, what's this crack in the foundation?" Upon closer inspection, we saw that in the basement, there was buckling and bowing on the walls. And lots of lots of wet spots. Sexybeast took that one hard : (

3. Lake front property in Schodack. This was rental being sold. And the renters were hanging around while we were looking around. It stank like an ass tray! There was an 8 y/o Down Syndrome child running around nude. The older kids were smoking weed in the upstairs "bedroom", which was just a larger sized loft. And the basement looked like a make shift crypt.

4. Another Berne home. Gorgeous property. And there's a VERY large hole on the back side of the house.

5. 1 1/2 bedroom in Rotterdam. If they had taken out the walls, it would have been a very large studio apartment.

#6 was the charm!

More to come....

Monday, September 28, 2009

Late Meme

1) Do you wear fur? Leather? I'd rather go naked than wear fur. My Docs are made of leather. Yes, I contradict myself.

2) What are your favorite museums, galleries, or theaters in your area? Fave museums: NYS State Museum in Albany, The Clark Institute in Mass and that place in Glens Falls that I can remember the name of! I don't have a fave gallery. Fave theatres: Bowtie Cinema in Schenectady and Spectrum Theatre in Albany.

3) Do you think it’s important to keep traditions? In regards to holidays, definitely. In some ways I'm a creature of habit and I'm a trifle OCD. In some aspects, (i.e. love, marriage, career) I say fie on tradition!

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Pilot to co-pilot! We're going down!"

Manic Meme

Would you be willing to have horrible nightmares every night for a year if you would be rewarded with extraordinary wealth? Well, I'm half way there as it is. I keep having this reoccurring nightmare that someone is standing over me and I wake up screaming. I'd put up w/ that for a year.

What was the most recent movie that made you cry? Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Michael Gambon's death scene was indescribable.

Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate? Someone I hate. Anger is good fuel to want to live and make every effort to get rescued.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Win, Place, NOOOO

Top Model recap, bitches!

This week was topsey turvey! The hamsters had interviews w/ the head of casting w/ Wilhelmina modeling agency. And surprise surprise, one little hamster is being set free before the photo shoot and bullshit challenge. Rachel was sent a-packin' because she's kinda dumb. And by kinda, I mean dull/normal.

And oh no! Tyra's trying to act again. Save us all! And it's a smiling w/ yr eyes (not yr mouth) lesson or "smizing". There was a smize off and 6 lucky hamsters got to wear designer duds to a party and the 6 losers had to work at the same party passing out hors d'oerves.

For the photo shoot, the hamsters were "nude" on horses. They all wore underpants and one chick had on a body suit so BOO. We want naked pixelated bits! And best photo of the week went to single barely legal mom Erin. I just realized I made a mistake for last week, Rae had the winning photo. Sorry. Rae and Erin look eerily similar. And going home was Courtney. WHAT? ARG! The chick w/ the lazy eye gets to stay? Bullshit! I'll miss you Courtney and yr cute spunky red hair.

What's up w/ not having a 4th judge this season? We end up w/ a "guest" judge each week. Bit disconcerting. I miss having a bitchy judge.

Slow and Low

Top Chef recap time!

For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants were greeted by Top Chef Master alum Tim (Boy do I ever!) Love. Oh that southern accent! Anyways, the chefs had to create a dish using cactus. Yum! I love cactus, I had a cactus salad once when I lived in Mexico. Plus, cacti are cool. See? They have a cool plural version of the word. And, ay chihuahua, the winner does not get immunity or special recompense. But they do get 15 g's. Hmmmm IDK, I'd rather have immunity than money. For the bottom of the heap, there was Ash and his thick, gummy bad tortilla not tasting like a grilled cactus sandwich, Ron because he used his cactus in a sauce over rancid crab and Mike V. and his train wreck of cactus ceviche. Really hating in ceviche in this episode but more on that later. And the big winner was Mike I. the douchebag 'cause he knew the secret of making non oozy cactus. I call bullshit! Tim Love hated his relish. Bah! I blame the show's producers.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants had to cook a high end lunch for ranch hands on a real working ranch using only barbecue pits. Kinda reminds me of Season 2 when the cheftestants had to cook breakfast on the beach for surfers using charcoal pits. This week's best dish was roasted pork loin, corn polenta, dandelion greens, and rutabaga made by Bryan. Sounds earthy. And that makes the 3rd Elimination Challenge in a row Bryan has won! The man to beat, ladies and gents! And packing their knives and heading home was Mattin. NOOOOOO!!!! What the fuck? One bad dish and he's going home? Lame especially since he got top marks in the Quickfire Challenge. I guess having shitty raw, chlorine tasting ceviche would send anybody home. Au revoir, Mattin!

I'll be seeing him in my dreams.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I was going to post about my new lifestyle venture but it wasn't coming out right at all.

So here's what's new w/ me:

1. I started a new diet plan. I purchased some books from the "Eat This, Not That" series. It's shocking to see how many "healthy" foods are filled w/ sugar and fat. And Egg McMuffins are actually good for you (provided you don't add sausage!) I'm more aware of what I'm shoving down my pie hole. I feel shitty 'cause I'm dragging Sexybeast through this lifestyle change w/ me. So far his patience is holding up...

2. The house is taking real shape and we're hoping to move in sometime at the beginning of October. I'm hoping sooner but the best laid plans of mice and men....

3. I got my 1st rejection letter from a literary magazine and I feel OK about it. After we get settled into the house, I can start sending my story out via snail mail. Would you believe that most literary publications will not accept electronic submissions? LAME!

4. Listen to Andrew Bird. He's creepy and textured and lovely. Buy all his CD's today!!

OK off to work now

Monday, September 21, 2009

Bonus Monday Post It's a super sized meme Monday!

1) What time do you usually go to bed? And what time do you usually get up? Depends, usually 11-ish. Week days I'm up at 6 to work out, weekends are up for grabs. Even if I'm not sleeping, I don't get out of bed before 8:30

2) List 5 people you know. Then describe each of them in 5 words. 1. Chris: sexybeast, hilarious, uncompromising, industrious, lovable 2. Michelle: sarcastic, adorable, laid back, patient, aggressive 3. Cris: courageous, stunning, pragmatic, understanding, loyal 4. Lydia = honest, beautiful, dependable, intelligent, witty 5. Jason: genius, reliable, funny, empathetic, fabulous

3) What was one of your life-changing moments? I put a personal ad on craigslist and I found SexyBeast

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "He's the one they call Dr. Feelgood."

I Wish it was Funday

The weekly post at is not up yet and I am. This week's meme is brought to you by Comment and play along!

What's one new thing you tried this summer than you've never done before? Oh so many things. Twas the summer of Sue. The 1st new thing I tried was going to the batting cages w/ my work wife.

What is the one thing you miss the most about summer when it is over? Swimming and wearing shorts skirts and sandals. That's more than one thing but so BE it.

If you could eliminate one source of anger in your life right now, what would it be? The bullshit that comes w/ my job, namely my immediate supervisor.

Friday, September 18, 2009


Well, it appears that I am participating in the Half Nekkid Thursday posts. (Even if I'm a day late!) I'm not a joiner usually but it's important to be accepting of my body and who I am. And I feel by photographing myself, I'll be more comfortable in my own skin.

So this week's unofficial theme was body parts you love. I was having a difficult time deciding what, if any, physical parts of myself I REALLY loved. So I asked SexyBeast and w/out skipping a beat he said " Yr eyes and yr smile".

Here I am, in all my glory. Feel free to criticise.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Where my Shorteez at?

Double recap Wednesday. Top Model came back this week. Hurray for the cheese! And this season Tyra(nt) decided to just feature short models (chicks 5'7" and under).

Total weirdness, they did make-overs on the 2nd day. I have no comparison for the before and after. Fie on you, Tyra(nt)! And she went crazy w/ the ice blonde hair and bleached eyebrows on the chicks. Huh?

For the photo shoot, the hamsters had to recreate a snap shot from their childhood. Best photo of the week went to single mom and ice princess Erin for her highly stylized ballerina shot. And getting the boot was sad clown Lisa.

Early faves, spunky redhead Courtney, charming southern belle Laura and lion maned redhead and kookster Nicole.

Whew! It's gonna be a fun season : )

Jessie's Girl

Sorry Lion, still recapping Top Chef ; )

And it's the French episode! For the Quickfire, the cheftestants had to create a dish of escargots (snails or cockles if yr British) for this week's guest judge Daniel Boulud. The winner was the bearded Kevin and his escargot fricassee with mushrooms, Brussels sprouts, and candied bacon jam. But damn that looked looked a plate of grossness. And for winning he got to sit out this round of the Elimination Challenge. And there was a twist! The three worst cheftestants had to go to Sudden Deathround because somebody was getting the boot. And unfortunately, Lady Luck was no longer smiling upon Jessie, she made yucky snails and her her sudden death amuse bouche had no seasoning. Famous last words "Hopefully everyone knows, I don't really suck." Sad for me because now I have no one I'm really rooting for. Well, at least Mattin looked hot in his underwear and Kevin doesn't seem like a bad egg.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants chose from the Knife Block o' Doom! Some cheftestants got classic French proteins (read: animals) and others got classic French sauces. And everyone paired up accordingly. However for the judging, they picked a sole winner, instead of a duo win. And the big winner was Bryan for making some kickass trout and his partner Mike I (the lame-o) looks on w/ his deconstructed Bernaise. And also going home was Hector because he didn't know how to cut and cook Chateaubriand.

Adios, Hector. Lo Siento Lydia.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

At Last

SexyBeast and I went to a wedding this weekend of some really close friends. We live in Schenectady, the wedding was in Harriman/ Central Valley, NY. We decided to get up early from our place to get to the groom's house (sexybeast was groomsman!) instead of spending Friday night at the after party locale (stinky hunting cabin). I fucking forgot my straightening iron hence the stupid curls.

The ceremony was at a Catholic church and the priest seemed to have trouble remembering what he was doing "We are here today for Phil and...... Melissa. For the rite of....... matrimony". Communion was offered, I did not partake.

See that cop car, barricades everywhere for the cheese festival and a crap fair at one of the local schools. Lots of turning around and confusion but we all got to the reception in one piece.
It was an open bar for the entire length of the reception, I had about 5 malibu rum and pineapple juices. It was most excellent. There was antipasto nibbles and waiter staff wandering around w/ bacon wrapped scallops, fried ravioli, mozzarella sticks, mini quiches, steak teriyaki, salmon puffs (which i didn't have) and baked brie.
First dance was a Beatles song. Awesome!
I cried when Sexybeast and I slow danced to "At Last" by Etta James. I'm a sap.
Dinner was buffet, I had all the meats except for the stuffed sole and both starches and bread. This was good because it was the 1st meal I had all day.
We took the limo back to the afterparty. It smelled like a wet dog and looked like a bad strip club w/ a mirrored ceiling and changing lights. Sexybeast was pretty obliterated by this point and stuck his head out of the window shouting Metallica songs. The driver discretely put the child safety locks on the windows.
I put Sexybeast to bed at 7pm. He slept for 12 hours.
All in all, I had a fabulous weekend.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday Meme-ness

Yes, it's Monday again. I'm trying to be psyched but........ Feel free to comment or play along!

1) Have you ever been in a typhoon or hurricane? No, living in NY and NH, I've never had the privilege to live through those natural disasters.

2) When do you feel the most lonely? Laying in bed alone.

3) How many hours a week do you exercise? If it's a good week then, 2 1/2 hours. Not so good 1 1/2 hours.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "YEAH, fucking end it right now! Yr making me late for work!"

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Somebody's Miracle

Now usually I don't participate in Half Nekkid Thursday but I felt compelled as I liked the unofficial theme this week of photographer one's flaws.

I am a deeply deeply flawed gal. I'm jealous, hypersensitive and generally just a snobby bitch. I'm not proud of this and try to keep these facets of my personality hidden or tamed.

However, there are some things you cannot hide. I hate hate hate my grotesque tummy. It jiggles and sticks out too far and generally makes me feel miserable about my appearance.

Because I am big nerdball, I really enjoying watching those BBC America documentaries. Something really stuck w/ me from " My Small Breasts and I". This one woman was so distraught about her breast size, she flew from somewhere in England to NYC to work w/ a photographer type of therapist. This woman takes raw intimate photos of people's insecurities and fears.

Hopefully by posting this, I can see myself in a new light.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Odd Man Out

It's Wednesday Top Chef recap time!

For the Quickfire Challenge, we are greeted by Top Chef Masters cheftestant and now judge Mark Peel (who got his ass whomped by Anita Lo!) and a mountain of every potato you can imagine. Hmmmm wonder what the challenge could be? Hopefully, you weren't think seafood challenge. So sucking it big time were Jesse (aw man!) for being heavy handed w/ her cayenne on her sweet potato soup. I got you girl, I'd eat that spicy soup and love it! Along w/ Ron and his bland on bland fish and veg and Eli for too sweet sweet potatoes. And the winner and getting immunity was Jen and her essence of potato and mussels. And that fucking prick Mike I. was bitching about "favouritism". Dude, she did better than you in the Quickfire. Get over it. Methinks Mike I. is a lady hater.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants had to cook for the men and women of the U.S. Air Force and surprise there was only one burner available to use, no blender and lots and lots of canned foods. AND it was a big group challenge as the lunch was being served buffet style. To simplify things the cheftestants decided amongst themselves to pair off and work on one dish together w/ Jen acting as executive chef, which means she gets to boss everyone around. Wish I had that job! And I felt a pang of familiarity when no one wanted to work w/ Jesse. Aww! And winning this week was nice Michael V. who did a free form "taco" of lettuce and pork like bacony goodness. And packing their knives was Preeti who decided skating by would be good enough. Hmm that strategy didn't work out so hot, did it?

And WTF, Top Chef judges, you axed 3 ladies in a row. Lame!

Next week look out for double decker recaps as Top Model returns!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Labour Day Foodings

Summer is gone and I'm quite depressed about it. I'm going to miss the sun and late nights and great summer fruits. September always feels so disappointing, a huge let down betwixt summer and my favourite month, October.

Anyways, SexyBeast and I went for one last hurrah to my parent's log cabin home in the Adirondacks. After a 3 mile hike, a cold swim in the lake and narrowly losing to my parents at bocce ball, SexyBeast barbecued up some delicious pork ribs. I say he barbecued because the heat was slow and low and he used a dry rub and not a drippy sauce. Though the ribs themselves were a bit bony, they were so sweet and succulent.

Sunday we hung out w/ his family. SexyBeast found some skirt steak and caramelized some onions and mushrooms to go w/ it and sliced the steak fajita style. I was in charge of the sweet potatoes, I sliced them thin and seasoned them w/ salt, red pepper and Cointreau. You have to nuke them before they go on the grill and I guess I didn't leave them in there long enough 'cause they were taking soooooooo long to grill. And his family was being really annoying about the whole business. We had to finish them off in the microwave unfortunately. And might I just add this meal was just for us as everyone else had already eaten.

Monday I met up w/ my middle brother's old girlfriend at the new Moroccan restaurant in Albany, Casablanca. Now the decor leaves a lot to be desired but the food was plentiful and cheap. We were given free almond and coconut cookies and free tasters of Moroccan mint iced tea and Moroccan orange juice, I think they put seltzer in it. And a free salad/crudite plate of marinated beets, sweet carrots and diced almost pickled cucumber. A great way to start off a meal! We skipped apps 'cause it was lunch and we wanted to keep it light. My friend had the chicken kebabs w/ rice and beautiful fresh peppers and beans. The chef came out front to de-skewer her meat. SexyBeast had meatball tagine / fragrant rice. And I had chicken couscous w/ fresh veggies. And they gave us two baskets of bread. I highly recommend Casablanca, I'm going back there for my birthday.

At least today is Tuesday : (

Monday, September 7, 2009

Labour Day Meme

Happy day off to everyone!
Play along if you like.

1) Men go topless at the beach. Why not women? Because we have nicer tits. And this country was founded by crazy Puritans.

2) Do you live in the city or the country? Describe your neighborhood. Well, my lovely new home is in the 'burbs. It's not permanent. Someday we'll have an isolated home in the country. Anyways, typical neighborhood. Dogs, kids, nicely manicured lawns. Except for our disgusting neighbors that have left their laundry out to dry since the end of June and oil stains in the driveway and grass so high you need a machete to get to their front door.

3) Describe one of your bad habits? I have absolutely no patience for fucking idiots. I'm not going to hold yr hand and try to explain shit to you 30 times in a row! Fucking pay attention, you vapid whore!

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "X marks my spot"

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Moscow Mule

That's me in in all my chest-ical glory.

Top Chef time. This epi was tedious.

For the Quickfire, another lame Vegas schtick. The cheftestants had to roll the dice on a craps table, the total on the dice was the amount of ingredients they could cook w/. Anybody else associate craps w/ poo? Just me then. And on the bottom end of the things were Jesse (aww, I like her) w/ her mushy scallops, Eve and sloppy yuckiness and asparagus and Bryan w/ his raw poached fish. And the wiener was Bryan's brother Michael. That's gotta hurt! He made a barfy looking but tasty gazpacho . He gets immunity and 15g's.

And for the Elimination Challenge, it was a battle of the sexes as the boys and girls had to prepare a luncheon paired w/ an alcoholic beverage for a Bachelor/ Bacherlorette party. And Ashley, one of the lesbian cheftestants had a fucking cow over the challenge. The personal is political but sometimes you have to separate yrself from that shit. The boys won and the extra special winner was Bryan. Ah sweet redemption of the guacamole variety. And packing her knives was Eve. Apparently she doesn't know how to season food.

Eve is coming home, Cheeks : )

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

A Tale of 2 Kates

Originally at the beginning of this post, I was going to slap a cute photo of me in one of my fave shirts, (inspiration or plain ol' copying off of Amorous Rocker @ but stupid interweb connection was being a dummyhead.

Anyways, through some strange coincidence I ended up watching 2 Kate Winslett movies on Monday and Tuesday last week. She is hands down my favourite 50 kinds of awesome actor. AND that's say alot as I've never even seen Titantic. The boat sinks, end of story. If you want the real Kate and not the Hollywood version, rent Heavenly Creatures. Insanely provocative and beautiful wild imagery.

Lets start w/ the meh. I watched "Revolutionary Road" 1st. This film was directed by Kate's husband Sam Mendes, of "American Beauty" fame (not to be confused w/ "American Booty"!), so I knew to expect bleak and lots of juxtapositions. The acting was intense and fantastic. Loved the sets and costume design, Kate looks awesome in pedal pushers. But the story itself left me feeling cold and wanting to pull a Sylvia Plath. Plot: the summer that a young couple in the 1950's decides it's time to re-evaluate their values and examine their crumbling marriage. It was unfulfilling. My disappointed ass is going to read the book. Perhaps I might feel better about the whole deal.

And now for the wow. "The Reader". I don't even have the words to describe my viewing experience. Plus I could get lost in Ralph Fiennes eyes forever. This movie hit me like a anvil! Plot: Ralph Fiennes reflects back on his affair as an 15 y/o boy w/ 30 something Kate in post WWII Germany. I watched Wednesday night w/ SexyBeast, he's a fan of Nazi history. And Kate Winslett's ass is soooooooo hot! I just wanted to give it a good long squeeze. I was completely captivated.

Insert snappy ending sentence here.