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Friday, December 26, 2008

The 12 Pains o' X-Mas

Doing Top Chef recap a little late because of all the merry making going on around these parts. And a very Merry Christmas and even better New Year to all of you!

Quick Fire competition seemed a little unfair to me. Martha Stewart, guru of perfect living was the judging the cheftestants this round. And as much I despise Martha as a person, I will say she does come up w/ some food and craft ideas. Anyways, the chefs had to make a one pot meal in 45 minutes. Talk about quick and "hot"! The losers were Eugene for adding corn starch to his stew. I've ruined many a meal by not thoroughly whisking my corn starch. Fabio because Martha couldn't taste the mushrooms in his polenta. Bullshit excuse if you ask me. And pretty boy Jeff because his potato risotto was a starchy mess. Duh, Jeff! Risotto is supposed to be luscious and creamy. Not a good fit for potato. Anywho, the wiener of immunity and this Quick Fire was Ariane. Really? Puree cauliflower and herb rubbed beef tenderloin is a one pot meal? Again, I call bullshit.

This week's Elimination Challenge was a redux of last week. Big catering event with an abstract theme. The cheftestants each had a "Day of Christmas" and were to make whore's ovaries (read appetisers) for 300 peeps at an AMFAR event. Woo hoo! One of my fave causes, AIDS research. The big winner was my lovely boyfriend Hosea who was assigned 11 pipers piping. He went with a smoked dish of pork loin over chipolte mashed potatoes with an apple jus. Yummy yum yummy. And it's pretty awesome he won 'cause there was all kinds o' drama in the Top Chef kitchen. The fridge door was left opened all night thereby making Hosea's pork and Radika's duck not safe for consumption. And in the spirit of giving all the chefs helped out our 2 wayward kitties.

Then an interesting turn of events happened, head judge Tom stated the top 3 dishes were good, not great. And everybody else's food was unacceptable. He's looking at you Ariane for serving 6 variations of deviled eggs. So nobody was sent packing and were basically given the old "step up yr game" speech.

How do you like them apples?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Q & A

Hey, everyone! I am exhausted from the holiday crunch but this has been good (FREE) therapy for me. Today's meme is brought to by Enjoy!

Are you ready? I was born ready.

First thing you wash in the shower? You know *wink wink*

What color is your favorite hoodie? Black. It's SexyBeast's old Mastadon hoodie.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes, it was my daddy.

Do you plan outfits? heehee I'm a bit psycho about it actually. I plan them out a week in advance.

How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired and silly.

What's the closest red thing to you? My lamp, I feel like I'm in the Red Light District.

Do you say Aim or A-I-M? Why would I spell that out?

Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I remember all my dreams. It was about feeling hopeless at my job. It was more of a nightmare really.

Did you meet anybody new today? Yup.

What are you craving right now? Chocolate covered pretzels.

Do you floss? Everyday.

What comes to mind when i say cabbage? Cole slaw (eeeeewwwww)

When was the last time you talked on aim? I don't know what that is.

Are you emotional?(Not emo) Overly emotional would be more accurate.

Would you dance to the taco song? What the hell is the taco song?

Have you ever counted to 1,000? I've tried but I get tongue tied.

Do you bite your ice cream or just lick it? It's a bit/lick combo. That sounds sexual ; )

Do you like your hair? Usually. Unfortunately, my flat iron is at SexyBeast's apartment.

Do you like yourself? I LOVE myself.

Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes, the last one was author Gregory Maguire. Check out his latest A Lion among Men.

Do you like cottage cheese? I eat it everyday. When I was 5, I lived on cottage cheese, hard salami and bananas.

What are you listening to right now? The TV. But Kate Bush "The Dreaming" was the last bit of music I was listening to.

How many countries have you visited? 4. Canada, Mexico, England and Scotland.

Are your parents strict? Yes.

Would you go skydiving? Not even if you paid me.

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Ugh! Never!

Would you throw potatoes at him? I wouldn't stoop that low.

Is there anything sparkly in the room your in? I don't think so.

Have you ever voted for an American Idol? Never ever.

Have you ever been in a castle? Yes, when I was in England and Scotland.

Do you rent movies often? If I could, I would marry the man that invented Netflix.

Who sits behind you in your math class? N/A

Have you made a prank phone call? When I was 11, it was THE thing to do.

Do you own a gun? Nope.

Can you count backwards from 74? Yes.

Who are you going to be with tonight? I'm staying home 'cause I'm old and tired.

Brown or white eggs? Brown. And you wanna know why? Brown are farm eggs and farm eggs are fresh eggs.

Do you own something from hot topic? Yes, I have the cutest T-shirt "Muffins are just ugly cupcakes"

Ever been on a train? Yes, the Ethan Allen Express.

Ever been in love? Yes. I am deeply in love with SexyBeast.

Do you have a cell phone? A brand new neato one.

Are you too forgiving? No, I'm a vindictive bitch.

Do you use Chop Sticks? Always, house rule.

What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Spending time w/ her mother-in-law.

Do you use ChapStick? I prefer Burt's Bees Medicated Lip Balm.

Ever have cream puffs? Only since I was born. Mom is a professional baker.

Have you seen the Butterfly Effect? No. I refuse to watch any movie w/ Ashton Kutcher in it.

What was the last question you asked? Where's the gift tags?

What was the first CD you ever bought? I think it was Queensryche, don't remember which one.

Boys or Girls? I can't be hemmed in by labels.

What is your bus # for school? I drive a car. To work.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Blue Christmas

As previously mentioned, I have not been feeling like myself at all lately. Hindered, stuck, overly emotional. I decided the best way to work through my bluckiness is to write about it.

Day one, I'm getting ready for work and I realize I really don't want to go. I work in case management in the HIV community and it's very demanding, esp. this time of year.

Day two, one of my clients really got under my skin. I'm hypersensitive anyway. I have to learn to become like a duck and let it roll off my back. But I like myself, do I have to change?

Day three, became agitated w/ SexyBeast. Communication breakdown and misunderstanding. I never explained to him how I get in the winter. My fault, I don't deserve such a wonderful man.

Day four, sleeping longer and longer. I feel at peace when I'm unconscious. Or most likely, hiding from what's troubling me. But I feel safe and pacified when I'm lying next to SexyBeast.

Day five, Christmas party at the office. Comfort foods and desserts. Great, now I'm depressed and fat. I hate my body, I feel like I've been abusing it.

Day six (today) sniping at SexyBeast and crying uncontrollably. I recognize that this thing in me is growing at a rapid rate.

Know this post is confessional but I need to let out the ugly. And from pain comes inspiration. Perhaps another story is on the horizon.

Friday, December 19, 2008

And a Sixpence in her Shoe

Hey, everyone! I'm in the midst of a crippling depression, so my posts may be sporadic. Bear with me, I'll be better when the snow melts. And by the by, I got a nasty-gram for last week's Top Chef recap. And I'd like to stress again, this is my blog. These are my opinions. I'm entitled to my opinions. I am proud of my opinions. I am snarky and judgemental. Having written that disclaimer, don't read this blog if you're going to tell me how lame I am.

Anywhoo, in Top Chef land, the cheftesants' Quick Fire Elimination, was to test their palates. They played Name that Ingredient, in face to face showdown, last man standing type o' thing. And my sexy secret boyfriend, Hosea proved that he has the chops and is incredibly smokin' hot. Lucky Hosea also won immunity in the challenge.

So the gang is divided up into for teams, Old, New, Borrowed, Blue. And they have to cater Judge Gail Simmons' bridal shower of 40 guests. Y-IPES! Tricky business, having a abstract theme and making food for that many people.

For the most part, the chefs performed well. As a side note, my friend Lydia and I have noticed that Gail really bulked up this season. Even SexyBeast made a comment and he only watched the show for the first time 'cause I made him. Here's a direct quote "Wow! She's about ready to pop out of her dress!"

So the winning team was Borrowed, who used the concept of borrowing from culinary influences and made Eastern spice lamb marinated in yoghurt with wilted kale (yum!), carrot puree and cucumber raita (not sure what raita is, Albany Jane and Mr. Dave help!) . And based off of that win, the judges picked a super duper winner......... Ariane. She looked dumb founded. I'm not an Ariane fan but she gets a half hearted pat on the back from me. Then Jaime, whom I know despise even more, gets her knickers in a twist 'cause she felt she should have been the winner. As my delightful SexyBeast said "She pureed veggies! The other chick made meat. Meat wins every time!"

And packing their knives and going is Daniel/Danny, thank God. A bad chef and even more obnoxious person. His crime, throwing shit on a shit pile that already has too much shit on it. Oh, and yeah, he undercooked some crummy mushrooms and threw them underneath Bug-eyed Carla's salad. Good riddance, ya yutz!

Monday, December 15, 2008


Welcome to Monday Meme day. And as a note side, today is my wonderful boyfriend's birthday. He got everything he wanted ; )

1) What one quality of your father’s would you most like to share? Patience. Seriously, I don't like waiting for anyone or anything. I don't even like putting stuff in the microwave 'cause it takes too long. My father has the patience of Job. It's an interesting story, people, check it out.

2) Among all the people you know, who would you like to have known when s/he was a child? My boyfriend. I'm incredibly curious what he was like as a little bratty kid.

3) If you wanted to meditate for a whole day, where would you do it? The dock on the lake near my parents' log home. I have done that actually. And I've gotten some great inspiration there.

4) What is your favorite thing to do in a city park? Hmmmm....... tough choice. It's a toss up between people watching and trying to stand up on the "merry-go-round" even though I'm so dizzy I might puke.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.

Red is the colour of passion and anger.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Burley Queue

The northeast has just survived a record breaking ice storm. Thankfully I've been w/ SexyBeast and mostly have power for 2 days. Now we have full power. Thank God! Unfortunately, my parents and kitty cat are still in the dark. And oddly enough, it's beautiful out there. Everything looks like it's made out of diamonds. And there's a lovely silence surrounding my world.

In the midst of the insane weather conditions, Bettie Page passed away this week. For those of you not in the know, Bettie was style icon and one of the most famous pin-ups ever. I adore Bettie Page and incredibly saddened by her death.

I became obsessed with pin-ups a few years ago after I saw an E! True Hollywood Story about Miss Bettie. (shameful I know)

Anyhoo, I have spent a lot of time, collecting books and lunchboxes and lots o' other fun stuff with pin-ups on it. And I really started to analyze why.

Beauty. Beauty is power. Beauty is mutable. Bettie Page was far from thin but that never stopped hoards of men from lusting over her.

My dream is to lose 15 lbs. and join a burlesque show. Someday......

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Lights, Camera, Watermelon

I did not post yesterday because I was EXHAUSTED. I guess I didn't realize how much I've pushing my self post-gallbladder yankin'.

Let me serve up a heapin' helpin' of Top Chef recap.

For the Quick Fire Challenge, the cheftesants had to make a breakfast amuse-bouche. For those of you not in the know, an amuse-bouche may sound like a sexual reference but believe me it SO not. It's like a tasty teaser of food. Something you munch on in one bite. And holy Christ look who the guest judge is, that douche bag Rocco DiSpirito. UGH! He is such a talentless chef whore. Anyways, at the bottom of the barrel are Daniel/Danny jerk face for his zucchini flower corn flake encrusted mess on a plate and Fabio because his banana brioche espresso cream dealie was too desserty. And in his interview he was bitter. Lame-o. And the winner was my girl Leah for a little tiny breakfast sandwich bite of egg, bacon and bread. Yummy ; ) Then Jamie gets her underpants all in twist and starts whining about how "it's not fair, Leah won the last Quick Fire, whah whah whah I'm a big baby!" Fair? Are you kidding? It's a competition, dumb ass.

For the Elimnation Challenge the chefs had to present a dish in 2 1/2 minutes on live TV. No one looked happy. Lots of flurry and people not finishing in time. It was insanity, people! The chefs got narrowed down to the 3 best and then surprise! Head Judge Chef Tom woke them up at 4 a.m. to tell them they were going on The Today Show to do a cooking segment w/ their dishes. I was expecting Al Roker (whom I secretly crush on!) or Matt Lauer but noooooo it was Meredith and Kathy Lee. Kathy Lee is fucking mental, she actually spit out pretty boy Jeff's middle Eastern concoction. But ultimately the winner was Ariane, whom I don't really feel is that a good of a chef at all, with her watermelon salad. Bleh. And going home is Alex for trying to do creme brulee for live TV under 5 minutes. Say what? And then he was bitching about "throwing me under the bus". Jesus Christ, I hate that expression. Bitch actually said his priority was his upcoming wedding and not the show. So how is it bus throwing by another cheftestant if you don't really want to be on Top Chef? Dink.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Satisfaction Brought me Back

You know the drill people. Monday is meme day courtesy of
Please comment : )

1) What one quality of your mother’s would you most like to share? Definitely her ability to not back down to people. I hate confrontation and I find myself not wanting to offend people.

2) If you promised never to lie about anything ever again, in what area of your life would be it the hardest for you to keep the promise? My spending habits. It's terrible. I'm a spend-a-holic.

3) If you found a fifty dollar bill in a vacant lot, what would you do with it? Honestly, I would pocket it. It's a vacant lot. What do you want me to do?

4) What good deed that you didn’t do when you had the opportunity do you wish you had done? I'm not like that. I have never felt regret that I didn't help out someone to the best of my ability.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. OMG! It's a blue Kitchen Aid mixer. I think "Wow that would look mind and SexyBeast's imaginary house!"

Friday, December 5, 2008


About 2 months ago I wrote about my frustrations with my writing. I finally fine tuned my story that I've been working on for the past 6 months and sent to a friend to edit.

I haven't heard back yet, so instead of hanging out in limbo, I decided to be more pro-active in my writing. Ick! I hate that buzz word "pro-active" but it fits.

The last time SexyBeast spent a weekend at my house, I was plagued by nightmares. ALL NIGHT. It was the pits. But from pain comes beauty. I put together a story based on my nightmares.

I've never had any interest in fantasy/horror but I figured it would be good for me to stretch the limits of my creativity.

I wasn't expecting much to come from it but as I was writing yesterday, I realized my throw away story has grown to 6 pages. Unfortunately, I am now stuck. So I'm sending it to HomerJ over at, he's an English teacher and has agreed to help me. Plus he's a great at being a "cheerleader".

And now I have a new perspective on writing and have lots of idea seeds busting out of my head.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Coochy Coo!

The nicest compliment anyone could ever give me is "oh yr skin feels so soft!" Let me tell you people, soft skin doesn't just happen, especially you if tend to be a bit more crocodile-ly in the winter.

I am very resolute in my lotion type products. I vacillate between the high end, Shea Body Butter from The Body Shop, it has a clean smell and goes on nice and thick, and the bargain buy, Olay Quench. I prefer the Ultra Moisture variety because of my extra dry knees and elbows.

And you know what goes well with soft skin? Freshly shaven legs of course! For a long time I lived in the shaving dark ages, using cheap disposable razors and ordinary soap. Then when I was spending a semester in Mexico, free from the constraints of my mother, I bought my first really nice expensive razor. But still I had red bumps and dry patches.

I started using girly shaving foams. But the smells were overpowering and I was going through them like mad. Then I saw the light. I went to a sex toy party and among the many fun things being sold was Coochy Shave Gel. It is a miracle in a bottle. It has a clean scent, you only need a little and in a pinch you can substitute it for hair conditioner.

Lucky for me, I had gone to a series of sex toy parties in a row. I didn't worry about when I could purchase my next fix. However, there were some lean times and I had to resort to my old ways. Until, my good friend Lydia at wrote a post on and I was overjoyed to read that my fave. shaving product could be easily obtained on the interweb. Thank you, Lydia!

And bonus, the Coochy line has expanded. You can get it all sizes, different scents and an after shaving mist (which have yet to try).

Enough, post. It's time to hit the shower!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Learn to Fly

Top Chef recap day is once again upon us.

I happened to really enjoy this week's epi, even if the lame ass Foo Fighters were on it. I am not trying to offend anyone, but my personal opinion is Foo Fighters are sucky.

For the Quick Fire Challenge, the cheftesants had to choose knives from the infamous randomizer butcher block o' doom. On the knives were random numbers which corresponded to page numbers in the Top Chef cookbook (plug plug plug by Bravo channel). The chefs had to do their own spin on the recipe they had "chosen". So everybody is doing their thing when Padma (hostess w/ the mostess and married to that dude that wrote The Satanic Verses) screamed "Stop Stop! Take yr stuff and turn it into a soup!" Say what? They won't have time to make stocks. Wait, silly Phairhead. Swanson has so generously offered up their line of stocks to aid the cheftestants. And also a surprise, they didn't call anybody out for their badness. Winning elimination is my girl Leah with chilled asparagus soup w/ tuna tartar. Not something I would chow down on personally but congrats anyway. Also, Leah gets a bonus prize, choosing a team for the Elimination Challenge. Yeah Leah!

So for the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants have to pack up and go to Rochester (Rock-chester!), NY and make Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters and their entourage. Plus, they have to follow the Foos rider to include their fave foods and quirks.

Heehee, so they get to the venue and they have to cook outside w/ one burner, microwaves, hot boxes and toaster ovens. Turkey in a toaster oven? HA! And oh yeah it started raining buckets too!

But as it turns out, both teams did a really great job. Except for the desserts. And the winners' are.... Leah's team. Woo hoo! Loser went before the Judges' Table and right away, weird beard Daniel/Danny starts shooting off at his Long Island mouth. He is such a mook! And seriously, why would any man shave stripes in his beard? But packing his knives and going is gay Richard for his spittle non-gooey banana S'mores. Awww. I call bullshit, pretty boy Jeff was the "leader" and he made a crap dessert and shitty side dish. Oh well.

Watch this space.....

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Fatty Fatty

My SexyBeast and I were not together for this past holiday. I was up north in the mountains and he went hunting in Swan Lake, NY. On Sunday we were reunited (and it felt so good!) and he was exhausted from the 2 1/2 hoursish ride in the truck and the snow and he was hungover from Charlie's patented martinis.

Being the wonderful girlfriend that I am, I made dinner. I just got the latest issue of Cooking Light and it is jam packed w/ lots o' tasty treats. Having last weekend partaken of some delish and cheap Indian eats at Taj Mahal, I decided to try my hand at making veggie pakoras. I even purchased some supermarket naan. I was nervous and much to our delight, they came out fabulous. SexyBeast made the rice, he learned a few tricks from his Vietnamese friend on how to make perfect rice. Please feel free to e-mail me or comment if you wants the recipe.

Yesterday, even though SexyBeast was feeling crappy because of his newly diagnosed acid reflux, he made dinner. Dry sea scallops and veggie tempura. It was fantastico! I never had a battered fried scallop before and it was soft and flavourful.

I think I needs a snack.....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday Funday

Happy World AIDS Day everyone! I went to Starbucks today, they are contributing today's profits to AIDS charities.

Also I have this week off because my surgeon has not cleared me to return to work. Bonus! That means I will posting daily this week. You guys are so lucky :D

Let's get on the w/ the meme! Brought to you by
And as usual comment, question and ridicule.

1) What is the most unbelievable thing you have ever witnessed? Ummmm....... SexyBeast giving a drunk the strong arm when he tried to molest me. It was awesome!

2) If you could change your identity completely (money no object), what would the new you be like? More confident and less self-deprecation and self-loathing. Oh wait! You mean physically. Flat tummy.

3) What would you do if you saw someone making fun of another person? Speak up. I hate people who get their kicks laughing at the expense of other people.

4) If you could go back to the Garden of Eden and talk to Adam and Eve for five minutes, what would you say? "You guys are nakee!"

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. As per usual I cannot cut and paste the photo. I am a dorkus mallorcus. It's a man in a large room surrounded by chairs. He's standing on a aqua blue tarp w/ pastel flowers. My 1st thought is: I'm going to get married.