The Tools of my Future

To refresh the memories of my loyal readers (29 of you!), I went to a small Catholic school from pre-kindergarten to 8th grade. To escape the pain and awkwardness of youth, I escaped into YA fiction. I dreamed of how awesome high school would be, friends, acceptance, hot make out sessions w/ a groovy New Wave guy. Alas, it was not to be and here's the reasons why.

1. Though to be fair, this doesn't really count, as I didn't like this book when I read it in 1987. So, there was a series of books about a set of twins, I can't remember the title or the author. But one of twins was named Susan, which really tickled me because I rarely read anything where the main character had the same name as me. Anyways, the twins did all kinds of fun little twin tricks and it was all so saccharine and twee. I would read the stupid book just to piss myself off!


2. Now heres where the blame really lies, "The Girls of Canby Hall". A series of books about 3 chicks at a posh boarding school learning, living and loving. They all had bouncy hair and liked their parents. Plus, there was lots of talk about Doc Martens. No cuss words but there was a fair amount of plots devoted to loneliness and trying to fit in. And Doc Martens!


3. The woman, the myth, the legend: NORMA KLEIN. I still read Norma Klein. Norma Klein was part voyeur, part journalist, part awesome aunt that you just got you. Norma introduced me to the word "fuckingly". FUCKINGLY! Does it get any better? Oh wait! It does. Masturbation, drug use, the real realities of sex. All the characters seemed put together and multi-faceted. As an adult,I find her characters were primarily privileged white chicks living on the upper east side of Manhattan. I mean, who else wears Dior underpants? I don't and I'm 34. But still so awesome!

All this culminates in me being strikingly unprepared for public high school. I had to wait until college for friends, acceptance and hot make out sessions.