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Thursday, April 29, 2010

All Thunked Out

The TT questions are brought to you by Bud, the color of KC's hair and the number 33.

1. Robins have red breasts. Why are their eggs blue? The better question is what colour are human eggs.

2. The doorbell buzzes at the same moment the phone rings. Who was on the phone? My mother.

3. It seems that there are several very popular memes each day of the week. Which meme did you first become a regular of? But ThursdayThunks is my fave fave fave!

4. It is about time that Berleen and Kimber meet in person. Should we start a collection to fly one of them to the other, or just hope Thom's bus and get from Hawaii to Kimber in Arizona and take her to Berleen in Minnesota? I'm confused.

5. Tell us about your pets. Do you have one that you wish would run away? I have the sweetest cutest fluffiest kitty in the whole world and I don't want here to run away.

6. What was the last thing colored red that you wore? Underpants

7. I have a train that runs by where I live several times a day. I actually find it peaceful. What's the longest journey that you have taken by train? Rensselaer to Penn Station.

8. If Kimber threw a five dollar bill off a building that was five stories high, and Berleen threw a twenty off a build that was six stories high, who do you think would find the money? Me

9. If reincarnation really happens, whose life would you like to know that you have already led? Beatrix Potter, amazing illustrator and story teller and she had a pretty bitching cottage as well.

10. What are your three favorite possessions? iPhone, fire opal bracelet and my car

11. A lot of people still believe that Elvis is alive. Have you ever worn blue suede shoes? Nope

12. Do you have siblings? If yes, are you anything alike? 2 older brothers. We all have awesome sardonic wit.

13. Has anyone ever asked you to strip naked and cluck like a chicken? What I do on Friday nights is none of your business, thank you very much.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hair'em Scare'um

Oh Top Model, thou art killing me slowly and painfully.

I missed the beginning of the episode including the challenge, something w/ drag queens. Dang! I want to be friends w/ a drag queen, 'cause God knows I cannot walk in heels or put on makeup. Pandora Boxx, if yr reading this, let's be friends!

For the photo challenge, the chicks had to model dresses made from human hair. I'll say it again because it bears repeating. HUMAN....HAIR. Ugh! Blech! Ew! And the other hamsters get to heckle whomever was getting their picture taken. Seriously, what kind weird, alternate, psycho universe does this ever happen? Winning photo went to Krista, she's not bad. Attractive but nothing special. She is definitely a lucky bitch though, because TA-DA it's time for the Top Model trip to another country. This season the chicks are going to New Zealand. Awwwww, man! I wanna go :( Krista gets to fly first class on the 22 hour flight w/ Dragula, I mean Anglea. And going home was Anslee. Really? I'm surprised, she could do no wrong for the 1st several weeks. But the judges felt she lost her spunk. I always thought she had a Pekingese looking face. You know, really squished together.

And we're off...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Extra Meme-ness

If you could write your own bill of rights, what would you include? Stupid idiots have to take tests to become parents, the flunkies will be exiled to Oklahoma.

What is going on in the world today that affects you the most? The shitty state of the economy

What do you think is the secret to a good life? A full belly, good friends, books and a sexy beast.

Maybe You Understand Me

Does this make any sense?

It's in the basement. It's waiting for me. I'm petrified, however, I am morbidly curious about what will happen when we meet. I sense my love drifting away from me.

The scene changes: We're in a pool the size of the state. We don't have to swim, we're walking over the heads of people stacked like pennies. Our friend is w/ us. I touch his bearded face. Everyone is swimming to a concert. There are less and less people as we walk on. Then we ride on the backs of them like dolphins. I wake before we reach our destination.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Maybe Monday

1) How often do you whisper? Not very. I'm very loud, actually.

2) When was the last time you called a help hotline? Did it solve the problem? Never. I'm a DIY kinda gal.

3) How much time do you spend on yourself daily on average? Doing what exactly? Grooming, possibly an hour or two, cumulatively of course. In my head, probably 6 hours.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "My baby got going as the train kept a-rolling"

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Stuff and Nonsense

Last week, the future in-laws threw an engagement party for me and the Beast of Sexiness. You what the best part of being engaged is, free loot and pigs in a blanket. Hot damn! We scored a bunch o' Lowe's gift certificates. We high 5'd and visions of a new patio set danced merrily before my greedy little eyes.

Unfortunately, most of the outdoor furniture sold @ Lowe's costs about $1200. D'oh! *shakes fist angerly at retail gods* I did a little research on craigslist (hey, it worked in finding a boyfriend!) and the pickings are slim. And time is a ticking away as we are having a spring party in a few weeks. I want to name the festivities "The Wrongs of Spring" but SB doesn't like it.

Bright side, the picnic tables at Lowe's are pretty reasonable. We'll see....

I've been rewatching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. God, I fucking love that show! I want to kiss Spike's scarred eyebrow. Holy hotness! And I prefer non-gay Willow w/ Oz the werewolf. Why oh why did Anya and Spike have to get destroyed in the last episode? Willow's stupid girlfriend should have bit it.

But back to pigs in a blanket. I always thought pigs in a blanket were sausages wrapped in a pancake. A nummy brunch time treat. Alas, I am wrong. Pigs in a blanket are cocktail wieners wrapped in a crescent roll and not called "wieners in a roll". Doesn't that just conjure up images of a Tomie De Paola picture book of a cute pink piggies all snuggled up cozy in bed?

Annnnnnddddd I'm done. Later.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Thunks for the Memories

The TT questions are brought to you by Berleen, the color of peanut butter cups and the number 10.

My oldest demon (aka Demon #1) is in Oklahoma! The musical this weekend. Yep, my kid is a drama geek. Have you ever been in a play or musical? Were you in the drama club in high school? Hells YEAH! I was in an adult production of Aladdin's Magic Lamp when I was 9. They were only 3 other 4th graders chosen besides myself. And I was also in the chorus of The Emperor's Menagerie at faggy art camp.

You are walking down the road and the cops fly by you and stop at the house just a little ways down the street. It's the way you were going to go... do you take a detour to avoid it or do you just keep walking because, hey - you had the idea first! or do you walk by out of complete curiosity? If I'm already headed in that direction, why veer off course?

I drop a green crayon from the roof and Kimber drops a yellow one - which one will grow wings and fly before it hits the ground? Trick question! The crayons are actually dynamite.

What is the first section of the grocery store you go to? And I know that sentence doesn't sound right, but I don't care. Produce, to get my veggie on.

Do you like questions that have a yes or no answer or do you like to actually think for yourself and come up with something original? I like putting my flair and sexy personality into each question.

The wall directly in front of you... whats on it? Nothing. We still have to put the kitty cat clock up.

Sea salt? Sea pepper

420. You know what it is. It's a time, it's a day, it's a way of life. Did you celebrate yesterday? Nope, I don't indulge.

Can you read a tape measure? Yeah, I'm not totally inept.

The city/town/village that you live in... it's population is.....???? 25,000

If a laptop fell out of the sky do you think you could catch it? And if you did, do you think it's Finders Keepers? Only if it was the MacBook. Fuck you, Bill Gates!

Driving down the highway, driving down the interstate, driving down a dirt road that you are sure goes absolutely nowhere... whats the longest distance you have ever driven in one trip? Upstate NY to Vermont to NH to Maine. All in one day. I am awesome!

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I don't lick, I bite ;)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Ruh Roe!

Y'all, I am so sorry but I was not able to see the entire epi of Top Model last week.
I missed a hell of a cat fight though. Whomp whomp :(

To be honest, I didn't feel like it was worth to rewatch the episode on-line. But reading the recap on was a riot.

I did tune in time for judging. The chicks were portraying cliches of NY women (whatever that means) schilling crappy Cover Girl cosmetics. And winning photo went to Angelea. To quote Gob Bluth, "AW, C'MON!" She looks so manly and unattractive. Blech! And getting das boot was Brenda because, honestly, her picture were never that good.

Seriously, peeps, it's becoming difficult to root for any hamsters this season

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Rui Chiu

I had a great opportunity to go white water rafting this Saturday. I was incredibly nervous that my underdeveloped muscles would not be able to keep up w/my fellow rafters. I'm notoriously wimpy and very pussified that way.

Here's a little FYI, you cannot, under any circumstances ever, wear cotton whilst paddling down a river. Which meant I had to wear bathing suit bottoms instead of underpants, no bra & a GIGANTIC synthetic fiber shirt of Sexybeast's. After putting on the wet suit, I resembled a black marshmallow.

After a quick bus ride and even quicker tutorial, we were on our way. Couple things I learned, never take yr hand off the T-grip of the oar. My hand resembled a claw by the end of the day for fear that I would accidentally knock the teeth out of my head.

We headed out on our 20 mile journey. I started out in the middle and then like any good game, we rotated. I needed up in the front w/ Sexybeast. Our awesome tour guide, Madd Pup, decided we needed to have some more fun. I ended up leaning far out of the raft to paddle paddle paddle like a crazy chick. Which was all well and good and righteous except there were ginormous waves. I got smooshed, choking and coughing and trying to paddle. But I did remain in the raft. And I kept the pace the entire time.

Then I ended up in the back and Sexybeast pig piled w/ 3 other people on the front of the raft. And unfortunately, the back of the raft got sucked back into an eddy we were trying to raft over and Sexybeast and company flew into the drink. I got knocked about in the raft pretty hard but I did not fall out. Woo hoo!

Then came the hard part, the last 3 1/2 miles there were no rapids and that's when I really felt the cold and wind and did I mention the snow showers? You paddle to keep warm and I had to make a decision if I was more exhausted or cold.

The best part was the end of the trip, we landed near the rafting center & I had a nice cup of hot chocolate waiting for me. Of course, I had to wait until my hands stopped shaking to drink it but still....

And I found out that peanut butter and granola sandwiches taste really awesome.

Monday, April 19, 2010


2 weeks worth of

How has your life been different than you imagined? I thought I would be a successful writer by now, maybe possibly some kids. Thankfully, I'm incredibly happy in the life I'm living.

What lessons have you learned from your relationships? Don't be a sucker.

If you had to move to a city besides the one you currently live in, where would you move? London or Seattle

Are you doing what you really want to do? No, not really. More on that later.

What is your biggest fear? How can you conquer that fear? That I'm going to be a big fat porker for the rest of my life. Boot camp work out 2x/week.

Have you settled for mediocrity in your life? I abhor mediocrity!, I have not.

1) Where is the best place you know to get a cup of coffee? What makes it so good? Uncommon Grounds on Western Ave. has the best chai in the history of the universe.

2) Do you draw happy faces, or use emoticons online? Or not? I draw, I guess, if you want to call it that.

3) Did you have a lunchbox as a kid? Do you use one now? I had an awesome Smurfs lunchbox w/ food stickers all over it. Then in 2nd grade, I decided I wanted to be more like my older brothers and switched to brown bags. I've regretted it ever since. Which is why I am now a lunch box collector.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thunked Out

The TT questions are brought to you by Berleen, the color of daisies and the number 0.

Got your taxes done? Ages ago, Turbo Tax all the way, babies!

What do batteries run on? Pink bunnies

What do chickens think we taste like? Poo, chickens don't like human flesh.

What do they call a French kiss in France? Kissing cousins, tres erotique!

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real
lemons? I don't know, why is it that they can make artificial lemon flavour and they can't cure AIDS?

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? I don't say "what", it's rude. You say "sorry" or "pardon". 3 times usually.

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? Huh? When does that ever happen?

So Mel Gibson left his girlfriend - think he's finally heard of me? Obviously

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? HA! Nice.

Are you bothered that I didn't number these? Not really.

There's a Froggie Treasure Hunt going on... winner wins a $20 Amazon gift certificate ~ Why haven't you joined ICForums and started playing yet?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Faking Bacon

Top Model recap time!

Holy crap, you guys! The chicks had to learn about posing w/ a male model in photo shoot. They practiced 1st w/ judge/hottie Nigel Barker. Oh, Nigel! I want to marry yr shaved head! It was pretty hi-larious especially when Jessica, the Christian mother, tried to molest poor Nigel. Hee! For the Challenge, the chicks got dolled up in lingerie and had to act out a private moment w/ Ross the Intern from The Tonight Show. He's a gay chubby guy. Does the fun ever stop around here? And the wiener was Jessica the Molesta. Actually, she does have a smoking hot body.

For the photo shoot, the chicks were in over the top couture fashion, hair and make up. It looked like John Galliano on acid. Top photo went to Angelea. SAY WHAT? She's very manly/draggy. Blech! And getting da boot was Tatiana. Again I say WHAT? She was flipping adorable, however, she was not consistent enough in her film.

Whomp whomp! I don't have anyone to root for this season.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Meme Madness

1) Does being on the road at rush hour annoy you? Terrify you? Have no effect whatsoever on your emotions? It depends, on the way to work I'm like a fucking possessed maniac. On the way home, I'm fine 'cause I gots me iPhone.

2) What do you do when you find out there is a big storm on its way? Snow storm: cry Rain storm: jump for joy

3) What past event still never fails to make you weepy? The death of my grandmother.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Bark!"

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Stay Positive

I love date night!

This Wednesday amidst the 86 degree weather, Sexybeast and I went out for a night on the town. Since I work in Albany until 5 pm, we agreed to meet at a restaurant near my office. We decided to check out Salsa Latina. We've never been and I've heard many many good things about the place (Thanks Albany Jane & Mr. Fussy!)I liked Salsa Latina immediately, big bar, cheerful yellow walls, a VERY clean bathroom. Sexybeast had run 6 miles that afternoon and was STARVING, I, myself, had light lunch. SB started w/ the Colombian style beef empanadas, I didn't try because I don't like the texture of shredded beef. I had the tortilla soup which was very flavourful but there was rice in it. Why? Completely unnecessary. SB had the special, chicken mole enchiladas, the sauce was fab, though sweeter than I've ever had. Not that that's a bad thing. I had chili colorado, chopped steak in a very SPICY sauce. Both plates looked like serving platters, lots of food. And, as per usual, there was the usual suspects of beans topped w/ cheese and rice. The margaritas were also a nice addition on super hot April evening.

If some of you might remember, I wrote a post some time ago about The Hold Steady. Last March, they played to a sold out audience at Valentine's. I was incensed that weren't able to go. But fate smiled upon me, as I scored tickets to see The Hold Steady at The LINDA. Lots and lots of hipsters were there. Seriously, is there a factory somewhere cranking out clones of apathetic looking guys w/ beards, glasses and an ironic sense of fashion?

The opening act was The Orange Band, they were OK. It just seemed like all of their songs sounded the same. So, about 2 songs into The Hold Steady's set, their amps died, right in the middle of my fave song, "Sequestered in Memphis". W/out missing a beat, they did a mini acoustic set.

I bought these super cute new black sandals. But after a full day of hiking up the uneven sidewalks on Central Ave, my tootsies were tired and blistered. Standing room only meant I sat my little butt on the cold tiled floor. And as it was a weekend night, we left at about 10:45, before the show ended.

Good times, good times...

Friday, April 9, 2010

Bite Me!

I'm a little behind in my Top Model recapping duties this week. My apologies, peeps!

And apparently, Brenda's hair wasn't edgy enough. So celebrity hair stylist, Sally Hershberger, cut Brenda's hair w/ a woodchipper into a Mohawk, sorta. Meh.

Now, again, you must forgive me because I was preparing dinner during the challenge. There was crappy Covergirl makeup involved in it.

For the weekly photo shoot, the hamsters had to pose as vampires in a bathtub of blood w/ a very cute, male model. He seemed very mod, it was hot. And, aw c'mon, Alascia for a second week in a row has best picture. Uh nuh, I don't get it. Not at all. And packing it up was Simone for being too stiff. Rats! She was gorgeous. Oh well.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Mother Thunker!

These questions were inspired by the late George Carlin. His quotes are in bold. They were gathered from his routines. The TT questions are brought to you by Bud, the color KC's eyes and the number 3.

1. Why do they ask you to get on the plane? Shouldn't you get in it? When was your last flight? You get asked onto the plane? I didn't know that. I flew to Acapulco February last year.

2. Why do they call two planes getting too close a near miss? Shouldn't it be a near hit? Have you ever been on a plane that was in trouble? Personally I think all those "Greatest Hits" CD's should be called "Greatest Misses". Does turbulence count as plane trouble?

3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? What have you done when your child sweared? Yes, the little smut mouth totally gets his filthy hands washed. I don't have kids, foul mouthed or otherwise.

4. How about a restaurant for anorexics? What would you call it? The Empty Plate? When was the last time you went out to a fancy restaurant? Hmmmm...... maybe Skinny Atlas.....maybe. We went to a fancy restaurant for our 2 year date anniversary, The Stockade Inn. Which will also be the site of our wedding next year.

5. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'? What to you do to get away from it all? The Los Angeles Freeway. I go to the Adirondacks, I ususally get great writing inspiration up there.

6. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? What do you do to get a know-it-all to shut up? It is the classic inverse ratio of size of brain versus size of mouth. I say, "Hey, Know-it-All! Yeah you, Mr. 3 Word Hyphenate! Shut it!"

7. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? Men: does your woman (or most recent) think that you are always wrong? Women: Do you believe that men are always wrong? Ugh I fucking hate, gender stereotypes!

8. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless? Tell us about a time when you were caught naked. Naked and homeless, both. Stupid turtle! I've never been caught nakee.

9. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk? How badly do flies annoy you? No, it would be called mutilated fly. Insects are pretty fucking annoying, yup.

10. Why do they report power outages on TV? When was the last time that you went without power? So people who do have power can laugh at the powerless. Tuesday night, we lost power for an hour and a half.

11. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Have you ever been or considered to be a vegetarian? I've never heard of a humanitarian. I was a veggie head for about 3 or 4 years.

12. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Tell us about a time when either you were arrested or came close. Mimes still have their Miranda Rights even if they don't speak. I'm a good girl, I've never come close to being on the wrong side of the law.

13. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Have you ever owned a cat? There should totally be mouse flavoured cat food!! I've lived w/ Squeaky for 10 years. My sweet little fluffers.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Bonus Post

What are you grateful for today? The simple things: word games, tasty food, a loving boyfriend & friends

What's missing in your life? Having that writing passion, a flat belly

Has the conflict and harm religion has caused outweighed the good it has produced? Honestly, I don't think that God is too happy w/ the bullshit people do in his name.

Oh Hoppy Day

I realize I haven't been treating my blog as I should. I haven't had the drive and I'm feeling conflicted about whether I should keep on keeping on or pack it in.

For now, here's the run down of my weekend.

We had Seder dinner on Friday night. Unfortunately, we missed the opening prayers because we had to return some mouldy ginger to Gabriel's Market. Anyways, all the usual players were there: Ms. Brisket, Mr. Kugel (BLECH!) and Miss Latke, made my fave way w/ white and sweet potatoes. And a personal fave that we haven't seen in a very long time for dessert, RICE PUDDING. Nom nom nom!

Saturday the weather was gor-ge-ous! Sexybeast went for a 6 mile run and hopefully next month he'll be competing in his 1st race. We went to the park for a grilling feast w/ Albany Jane and her husbear. HMMMM, jerk pork, plantain fritters, beef short ribs and tortellini salad. The park was had a fair amount of people there but it wasn't overly crowded. Good food and good company. Next time, Sexybeast & I need to remember to bring water. Oops, heh heh!

I wasn't feeling that hungry later when we went to my parents but Sexybeast will eat Chinese food at the drop of a hat. However, I did manage to walk to Bumpy's for an ice cream treat, after I roused Sexybeast out of his food coma. Plus, I figured the walk to Bumpy's would negate the calories from the ice cream.

Sunday, there was sooooooo much food w/ SB's family. Just miles and miles of starches, meats and sugar. Sadly, we were forced to bring home a doggie bag. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It was really nice have a simple salad for dinner last night.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


1. It's the first of April, do you play April Fool's jokes on anyone? Nope, fucking waste o' time.

2. Do you like to eat sardines? I'd rather eat my fist.

3. Have you ever played racketball? No but I still have plenty of time to do it.

4. If eating at a fast food joint that has a dollar menu, do you order a bunch of different dollar items or just go ahead and get a regular meal? I rarely eat fast food, idk does Taco Hell even have a $ menu?

5. Have you ever taken a brand new pencil and sharpened it in an electric sharper until it was almost gone just because you were bored? Nope, not a pencil waster.

6. Do you have any old broken computers still sitting around your home? Yes! Lots of stupid cables & pieces of computer junk. Grr!

7. Ricky Martin came out this week stating he is gay. Were you shocked, had a feeling, "who?" or just didn't care? I knew & yet did not care.

8. If marijuana is legalized, do you think it should have a luxury tax added onto it? Ummm.....maybe?

9. What's the oddest thing you have sitting on your computer desk right now or where ever it is you may be sitting with a laptop (you could be sitting at a Starbucks with an alien from Mars for all we know)? A purple glitter heart glued to a monster's head.

10. Have you ever bumped into a former lover and found out they were now gay or straight depending on your relationship with them? Thankfully no!

11. Have you ever held a tarantula? Nope.

12. Shower- curtain, door, walk-in, or do you just roll around in the dirt to get the stink off? Shower, have yet to try the bathtub out & we've been living here since October.

13. Which commercial is the most annoying to you on TV or radio? Fucking Flo, that stupid insurance bitch!

Dance Dance Dance

Sorry my Top Model post is so late, I got behind on everything.

For the Challenge, the hamsters are split into 2 teams for a fashion quiz. And look who's our hostess w/ the leastest, Toccara from season 3! So it's neck and neck, and Brenda fumbles on the last question. The winners get discounted items from and the losers get to do inventory. Whomp whomp!

Then there was all kinds of whiny bitchery going on in the house. People talking shit about Brenda, saying she looks like Cynthia Nixon from Sex and the City fame. What's wrong w/ that? I think Cynthia Nixon is gorgeous. And then Brenda is all boo hoo-ing and Anslee snarks at her for some unknown reason. It was super annoying!

For the photo challenge, the hamsters had to personify a genre of dance. Me personally, I like this type of photo shoot. And winning photo went to Alasia, even though she wore a tacky silver lame bathing shoot as a shirt, for working it as interpretive dance. And packing it up was my girl Ren for losing her mind and being a bad disco dancer. Plus she was only on the show because she was trying to please her mother. Guess I'll have to root for someone else, Brenda is kinda lame. Possibly Tatiana, she has a wicked cute face.