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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Suburban Eats

Last week I decided to check out the fancy new Fresh Market located in the sorta snooty village of Latham.

First impressions, HOLY ALLAH does the parking suuuuuucccckkkkkkkk!

The inside reminded me of Whole Foods, soft lighting, classical music. Great produce selection. The bakery was divine, I bought us some raisin cinnamon bread. Sweet & fluffy...NOM NOM NOM. The butcher counter is HUGE, 2 thumbs up on the cracked pepper bacon. There's lots of happy surprises on the shelves, they even sell Bacon Salt there. There's even a spot in the grocery cart for flowers so they don't get crushed by yr other purchases.

Oddly enough, they don't sell cottage cheese....anywhere in that piece. And the aisles are too tiny for my liking. Plus, it was elbow to elbow at 11:30 am on a Tuesday, I'm chalking that up to the newness of the place.

The prices are somewhat comparable to P-Chops, kinda pricey-ish.

Here's the best part, not only did they load my groceries on a dolly like grocery cart, THEN they brought the dolly to my car. My car! It was awesome.

I'll report back to y'all next month to see if there's any changes at Fresh Market.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Sad Summer Meme

1) What sound makes you grind your teeth and want to scream? So many! Dentist drill, vacuum cleaner, weed whacker.

2) Hardwood floors, or carpet: which do you prefer? Hardwood! It's vibrant and smooth & you don't have to vacuum it

3) What was the last magazine you finished? Bitch, excellent article about Ursula K. LeGuin in it. Go check it out!

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.

"What am I looking at?"

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Queen of the Reich

Morning pages morning pages! Mourning pages? I've got writer's block my beloved readers. My fabulous musician friend, Jason, suggested I start writing "morning pages" again. Basically, you sit and journal between 20 to 30 minutes every day. Yr pen does not leave the paper. It doesn't have to be linear or cohesive or make any sense at all. Just write. As Jason says, "Exlax for the brain"

Okie dokie.....

Last Sunday, we took a break from the camp site to go see Queensryche live. I saw them when I was 15! This time around, the show was a cabaret act. Half naked dancing chicks, drag queens, contortionists, trapezists. A great commentary about the artifice of celebrity, superficial love, style over substance. It was great! But it was not a show of their greatest hits. I only REALLY knew knew 5 songs and kinda knew 2 others.

One of the dancers, rubbed my back. Can't blame her, I looked smoking hot in my black shorts, black pin up tank top and green Doc Martens.

I also thought SB was gonna have to knock a motherfucker out! Some weirdo older guy (and by older I mean about 10 years older than myself) kept staring at me & called me a little sweetie. Then babbled about us being "oldest people in the club". Huh? What kind of pick up line is that? Plus, why hit on me at all? Pretty obvious SB and I are a couple.

Never dull moment in the life of Phairhead

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Last Thunk of August

1. To whom did you last give the finger? An insane driver! Stupid aggressive jerks!

2. If you had 1,000 dollars and HAD to spend it, what would you buy? Books, music, clothes. Especially clothes from modcloth.

3. What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Water, stupid leaky water bottle

4. When was the last photograph you took? What was it of? Tuesday of my shopping cart.

5. Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? One of my fellow campers over the weekend.

6. What animal did you last pet or hold? My sweet little Squeaky kitty!

7. What was the last superstitious thing you did? I don't have the time to list all the weirdo stuff I do.

8. What was the last text message you received? Matt spammed me!

9. Berleen has decided to buy twelve goats. If she trades three for some awesome pot, loses one while she was stoned, what do you think she did with the rest? Send them to Chobani factory!

10. What was the last musical instrument played in your presence? Guitar, I think...

11. What was the last note that you wrote on your hand? I don't do that! I use paper.

12. Kimber announced that she was born on another planet. Which one do you think it was and why? Neptune because it was built on a funny tilt.

13. What are you wearing as you answer these ridiculously stupid TT questions? A hot jade green dress w/ a key hole on the back. AND it's a little big for me :D

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Master of Disguise

OMG, y'all! This week's episode of Top Chef reminded me of why I fell in love w/ the show in the 1st place.

Buuuuuuut, Kevin is still bitching that Alex didn't pull his weight last week. Sheesh! Give it a rest, already!

For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants were greeted by Padma & repeat guest judge and Top Chef Masters cheftestant, Wylie Dufresne. The cheftestants were given a mystery box of a fish, fava beans & canned hominy. Cook cook cook. And guess what?! Another mystery box arrives of squid and black garlic. Please keep in mind, the cheftestants must use all the ingredients in each mystery box that arrives. Here comes another one of ramps & passionfruit. And finally the last box arrives w/ jicama. And sucking it were Alex (learn to focus, dude!) and his rockfish & fava bean puree over ramp fondue & sauteed squid and also Amanda's oily mess of bass, squid fricasse, & leek and mushroom fondue. A bad day for fondues! And the winner was Tiffany's fish stew.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants had to reinvent ("disguise") a classic dish. Fun!

If I could just go off on a personal tangent for a moment.... Ed has a girlfriend! Hey man, maybe wanna ease off of flirting w/ Tiffany? Plus, I don't think she's gonna be that thrilled w/ you for saying she's a nag about wanting to go on vacation! Also, Amanda thinks she would make a good spy. still sniffing crank, Amanda?

Here's the breakdown: Ed = chicken cordon bleu. He made it inside out which I actually think this is a cop out. I think I might be prejudiced because I'm not a cordon bleu fan.
Kelly = Kung Pow shrimp. I wasn't aware this was an American classic. Anyways, Kelly did an awesome job of disguising it as a soup. I think I might be turning into a Kelly fan.
Tiffany = gyro. She made all upscale and not sandwichy. Kudos but I'm not feeling her.
Kevin = Cobb salad. He made a salad, good disguise , chumpy!
Amanda = French onion soup. She did a "Kevin" & made soup. And poorly at that!
Angelo = beef wellington. Soggy pre-made puff pastry.
Alex = veal parm. He had a great disguise, he even made his own pasta. But he over cooked the veal. Unforgivable!

Tiff won, Kelly got robbed! Alex was sent home :( Work on that technique, my friend.

Amanda yr days are numbered!!!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Hey, when did uploading photos on blogger become such a pain in the asshole?! I had a carefully planned, witty post all set and blogger is being a complete and utter asshole.

Here's some pictures of me and SB and his friends in Lake George. I'm crabby!

"Cheech" is SB's other nickname.

SB made brisket & ribs.

I'm really full of meat!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Vacation Meme

1) What does "devotion" mean to you? Never being caught w/ yr pants around yr ankles! I hate lame ass questions like this.

2) When was the last time you sat around and did nothing for a whole day? It's been a long time! I think some time during the winter....possibly.

3) How often do you struggle between what your brain tells you to do and what your heart says?I skip that fight and go w/ my gut.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Going to the chapel...."

Friday, August 20, 2010

Audi 5000

I'm on vacation right now! These will be my last words until Monday :D

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Vacation Thunk

The TT questions are brought to you by Berleen, the color of lightning bolts and the number 1.

A. If you see a tornado out your window, what do you do? Go to the basement. Seriously? What the hell else am I supposed to say?
B. A celebrity knocks on your door saying that their tour bus/limo/pedal bike broke down (you pick the transportation)... who is it and what do you do to help them? Moby and trap him the attic and make him be my sex slave.
C. Brett is back on the Vikings - do you really give a crap? Nope, I hate football
D. What side of the bed do you think Bud sleeps on? The middle, he's a bed hog
E. Cookie Monster eats vegetables now. Is this OK with you? No!!! Go back to eating cookies all the time.
F. All the TT's get together for coffee... which state do we meet in? Ohio
G. Is the town you live in famous for anything? Infamous for anything? Kurt Vonnegut worked at the General Electric here
H. Coffee flavored bubble gum - would you? BLECH!!! No
I. So Kimber lost her fight with a granite table.... what did you ever lose a fight with? My insecurity
J. Have you ever slept beneath the stars? I think so
K. School is starting up soon, or has for some, did you get a new pair of tennis shoes every year while you were in school? Nope
L. What two flavors do you love that you would never want to taste at the same time? Nacho cheese and mint
M. If you could shave a quote into a lions fur, what would it say? "I don't want the world. I just want yr half"
N. Did you ever accidentally walk in on your parents doing the nasty? Did you ever purposely walk in on them? I am not answering this question...... EVER

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

I Declare War!

Top Chef recap, biotches!

I think the Quickfire Challenge was completely bogus. Kevin and Ed got to chose teams and of course Alex was chosen last. Seriously?! Over Amanda?! From there, the two teams had a cooking relay, the first person starts the meal whilst the rest of the team is blindfolded & so on and so on. I'm sorry but I don't see the point of this. How could this turn out to be good? Kevin's team won and naturally Ed's team blamed Alex for their loss because he salted the fish and then it got re-salted. OK, here's my issue w/ that. He used big grained Kosher salt. How could everyone else that re-salted the fish not have seen that?

And finally, no more immunity for Quickfire winner(s)! I like it when they get compensated in other ways.

For the Elimination Challenge, its time for....... RESTAURANT WARS. Woo hoo! So, the teams are staying the same for the challenge. As you can imagine, Team Ed was very unhappy of still being w/ Alex. So, they relegate Alex to front of house so as not to fuck up their shit in the kitchen. But they do let him "plan" a meal. I laughed because the dish involved pea puree!

Predictably, Angelo took over as head chef. & UGH he christened the place EVOO ( Extra Virgin Olive Oil) When did he turn into Rachel Ray? Well, it's a moot point because they won.

Then Kevin had a shit fit because they said Alex didn't do jack shit. OY! I'm sorry you lost but, dude, the judges decide who's going home.

And WHAT?! Kenny was sent a-packin'!? Over Amanda, who had one dish and completely fucked it all up because she didn't understand the mechanics of a wood burning stove. The crack ho ruined beef! A fucking crime against nature.

Le sigh...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Q w/out a U

My depression is back w/ a sick sick vengeance.

I started feeling weird over the weekend, I don't have the best relationship w/ my sister-in-law and I'm not sure if I was being hyper-sensitive but it seemed like I was being alienated by my own family. Not to mention the usual aggravation from my mother.

Monday kicked my ass, do you ever get the feeling that yr getting less intelligent at yr job? 'cause that's me all over. Then SB's mother acted like she couldn't wait to get the fuck away from me after Zumba. Apparently it was more important to spend more time w/ her sister-in-law and niece than me. It was heart breaking to tell SB.

It's been a long time since I woke up from sleeping to weep uncontrollably. The sadness spreading throughout my body and psyche like cancer.

It boils down to me shutting out everyone. I've built up too many walls to make any friends.
Lost and lonely in the dark.

Monday, August 16, 2010

A Tori KInd of Monday

1) Have you ever been stung by a bee? Unfortunately, yes. The worst was when I was attacked by 5 wasps in my bathroom while I was trying to dye my hair.

2) Have you ever made a daisy chain? I don't even know what that is.

3) Have you ever owned a cap pistol? I tried to use my brothers' but no caps. They never let me have any fun.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "I get a little pain in my heart when I think of winter."

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Over Thunked!

The TT questions are brought to you by Bud, the color of Sarah Palin's bible and the number 333.

1. What radio personality bothers you the most? I don't know, the annoying wacky morning DJ's I guess.

2. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? Oh my golly, no! Send Search & Rescue please!

3. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she was married, And neither her S/O or yours would never know, might you to the deed? No never.

4. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? Being pursued

5. Use three words to describe yourself. Lovely, complicated, tempestuous

6. If Berleen was on a camping trip, do you thing she’d attract grizzlies? No, mongeese

7. Do you think more about the past, present or future? The future, more like an obsession

8. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing, other than family or pets, that you grabbed?

9. Was your mom a cheerleader?
Good heavens no! French Club & down hill skiing

10. Was your dad a jock?
Heh, no. He played Little League.

11. Bud’s been gone a while. Do you think he will return or shut down that Googled Warned blog?
He'll be back. They always come back.

12. What’s your favorite junk food? Doritos & raw cookie dough. Not at the same though, that would disgusting.

13. Do you believe in reincarnation? Nope, you get once chance in this lifetime

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

'bout Time!

Top Chef recap time!

Aww jeez, Ed is still bitching about the pea puree. Give it a rest!

And guess who's in the kitchen w/ Padma? Previous judge and winner of Top Chef Masters, Marcus Samuelsson. Marcus presents the Quickfire Challenge to the cheftestants, create an Ethiopian meal. He gives everyone a debriefing about the spices, ingredients, & the what not of Ethiopian cooking. And on the bottom: Kevin's non-Ethiopian creation, Alex's (awww) unspicy tongue & Stephen's dry balls. And winning the challenge & immunity is Tiffany's goulash. Tiff is kinda growing on me, sorta. I do think it's admirable that she didn't know a thing about Ethiopian cuisine and she winged it, then, BOOM, winner.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants drew numbers from the KNIFE BLOCK O' DOOM. In numerical order, the cheftestants picked one of the nine countries off the map. Good news for the Tiffany as she has first choice. And schlubby Stephen picks last, I almost feel sorry for him. Blechy Amanda chose France, apparently she studied there in between crank binges.

And for the first time in a long time, if ever, Tiffany's Mexican tamales also won the Elimination Challenge.

So, Ed's shitty Chinese green tea duck & Alex's unfocused plate of Spain landed on the bottom w/ Stephen's mess of Brazil. The man over cooked his rice and beans! So Ed finds it insulting he's in the bottom w/ Alex. Uh, Ed yr not as talented as you think you are, can it! And, at last, Stephen was sent a-packin'.

Restaurant Wars next week!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Magnets & Booze

Oh weekends, why are you so fleeting?

Check out my awesome octopus magnets. During Springfest, my dear friend Melissa, accidentally broke the cute little guy on the bottom. Unbeknowst to her, we glued the little guy back together as good as new. Unbeknowst to me, Melissa was wracked w/ guilt and went on-line to "replace" ol' Bluey. And now I have a fricking awesome pod of octupi on my fridge. WOO HOO!!

Sexybeast & I headed up north to the Adirondacks for Saturday/Sunday. We were tooling around Gabriel's trying to decide what we wanted for dinner. And bright light shone down upon me!

Check it!!! Gabriel's had Lindemann's lambics w/ a specially made lambic glass!!!! OH MY GOLLY!!! All for the low low price of 20 smackers! It came w/ apple & cherry flavours. Nom nom!

And I really fucking out did myself this time. I made summer rolls! I was really worried about using rice paper but it turns out it's incredibly easy. Just make sure you have plenty of hot water on hand. The filling is lettuce, sprouts, carrots, green onions, cilantro, mint & rice noodles. Simple, crisp & delicious. Not featured is the awesome dipping sauce to accompany the rolls, spicy and flavourful. However, you will note that I didn't roll the rolls in a very pretty fashion.

Monday, August 9, 2010

1) Did you ever run away from home? Ever want to? I tried to run away when I was four. I was planning on going to my grandmother's house (about 10 miles away), I even thought ahead to bring food (a green lollipop). I got as far as the front steps. My mother even snapped a picture :D

2) What time did you wake up this morning? 6

3) Can you do a cartwheel? How about a handstand? Cartwheel yes, handstand no

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "MY GOD!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST PICTURE I'VE EVER SEEN!!!"

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wishful Thunking

The TT questions are brought to you by Bud, the color of Judd Corizan's hair dye and the number 33.

1. Do you have any special talents? Tell us about them. I can pick up quarters w/ my toes.

2. What is your favorite sound? Water of any kind, ocean, brooks, rain.

3. What was your favorite TV show as a child or teen? The Facts of Life was my shit!

4. There are a lot of specialty TV networks now devoted to things like golf, gardening, shopping, game shows, sports, news and sci-fi. Do you have any favorite TV networks? Travel Channel or VH1 Classic. My 2 passions: going away and listening to music from yesteryear :D

5. What is your guilty pleasure TV show? I have a few but the big one is Teen Mom. I can't help watching that insanity!

6. Berleen is on the top of a mountain. How on earth did she get there and what was she doing? Dropped from a plane trying to get a cell phone signal

7. Have you ever dreamt that you made love to someone you haven’t yet met? Yes, quite a bit.

8. Berleen decides to run away and join the circus. What could you imagine her performing under the big top? Ring Master, obviously

9. What is your favorite sci-fi movie? Gattica, love the colour and cinematography.

10. What is your favorite reality show? RuPaul's Drag Race, it's so bitchy and colourful!

11. Bud says he is on vacation. What do you think he is doing? Hiding the evidence

12. When shopping at the grocery store, do you always return your cart? Always always always!

13. Do you take compliments well?
I'm working on it.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Pea Puree!

Watching last week's episode of Top Chef gave me a damn headache!

*Sigh* On the w/ the recap...

For the Quickfire, the cheftestants had to create a tasty meal that can fit on a toothpick. Awww itty bitty travel size food, precious! Sucking it BIG time were Kelly's tasteless watermelon & scallops (hmm maybe because watermelon doesn't have a fucking taste, dummy!), Ed's duo of teeny tiny tuna & watermelon (ugh, gross seafood & fruit again!) and yet again my poor Alex & his truly vile creation of scallops, strawberries and basil essence w/ bacon. Sounds like a massive train wreck of flavours. And the wiener was sketchy Angelo and his lame ass cucumber cup of cashews and spicy shrimp. Sexybeast was all kinds of grossed out, "Shrimp & cucumber?!". I sincerely question the guest judge's taste buds.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants chose proteins from THE KNIFE BLOCK O' DOOM & serve them up for lunch at one of DC's premiere restaurants, the Palm. So even though, there are 2 cheftestants for every protein and they served them together, they weren't being judged head to head. Then why bother to eat the lobsters together?

Hey look, guest Elimination Challenge judge Art Smith. Whom, some of you, may remember from losing Top Chef Masters. Looks like Mr. Smith lost about 50 lbs, he looked great.

Here's the part that was really cringe worthy, Alex drew the salmon & couldn't decide how he wanted to approach his dish. Ed decides he's going to make an English pea puree for his lobster. Whilst cooking the Palms kitchen, Ed cannot find his pea puree & Alex has a pea puree. Personally, I don't think Alex stole the pea puree because it would be incredibly difficult to do that w/ all the cameras. And what a weird fucking thing to steal. But all the cheftestants were completely sure of Alex's guilt.

Which really sucks dick for them because Alex won the Elimination challenge! And packing it up was Andrea & her overly sweetened vanilla bean beurre blanc couscous & poorly cooked sword fish. I am very surprised about this! Andrea seemed to be consistently good. Oh well, good luck., girl!

And Stephen lives to see another day. CURSES!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

What we do is What we do

Oh my golly, y'all! Sexybeast & I had the best time on Saturday night. We got to see DEVO live!!!!!!! They picked up exactly where they left off in 1989. It was fun and fast paced and engaging. Best of all SB didn't have to slap around any drunken assholes.

It was a great mix of new and old songs. They had on those ridiculous flower pot hats, the boiler suits & the syncopated technotic dance moves.

Here's the set list, you can't see the first few songs which were "Don't Shoot (I'm a Man)", "Peek A Boo" & " What we do". I was practically pissing my pants because they did some old faves of mine, "Uncontrollable Urge". It sounded amazing live!!! Also "Smart Patrol" which I didn't even know they perform live anymore.

Whoa! Booji (pronounced Boogie) Boy came out to sing the encore. For those of you that are not in the know (you pins!), Booji is a de-evolved human w/ the brain of an ape. He used to scare the hell out of me when I was younger. Do yrselves a favour, my awesome readers, youtube DEVO's old videos and check out the creepiness of Booji Boy.

The only issue I had the whole night was I got over heated and dehydrated. I thought I was going to pass out and sat down during the encore. Small price to pay to view greatness.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Bonus Meme

1) Have you ever had insomnia? Do you still, or did you find a way to cure it? I still, occasionally, have insomnia.

2) When was the last time you belly-laughed? Yesterday, the weirdness that is bio dad's life.

3) How many of your old phone numbers do you remember? Only 2 out of 6

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Wipe out!"

It's Monday?

1) What is the most relaxing music at the end of a rough day? Stereolab or Kimya Dawson

2) Have you ever considered starting your own business? What would you do? Yes, all over the place: sex toys, used music store, deli.

3) Did you ever go cruising on weekend nights? Not since high school.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "AH SPEEDO! MY EYES! MY EYES!"