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Friday, December 26, 2008

The 12 Pains o' X-Mas

Doing Top Chef recap a little late because of all the merry making going on around these parts. And a very Merry Christmas and even better New Year to all of you!

Quick Fire competition seemed a little unfair to me. Martha Stewart, guru of perfect living was the judging the cheftestants this round. And as much I despise Martha as a person, I will say she does come up w/ some food and craft ideas. Anyways, the chefs had to make a one pot meal in 45 minutes. Talk about quick and "hot"! The losers were Eugene for adding corn starch to his stew. I've ruined many a meal by not thoroughly whisking my corn starch. Fabio because Martha couldn't taste the mushrooms in his polenta. Bullshit excuse if you ask me. And pretty boy Jeff because his potato risotto was a starchy mess. Duh, Jeff! Risotto is supposed to be luscious and creamy. Not a good fit for potato. Anywho, the wiener of immunity and this Quick Fire was Ariane. Really? Puree cauliflower and herb rubbed beef tenderloin is a one pot meal? Again, I call bullshit.

This week's Elimination Challenge was a redux of last week. Big catering event with an abstract theme. The cheftestants each had a "Day of Christmas" and were to make whore's ovaries (read appetisers) for 300 peeps at an AMFAR event. Woo hoo! One of my fave causes, AIDS research. The big winner was my lovely boyfriend Hosea who was assigned 11 pipers piping. He went with a smoked dish of pork loin over chipolte mashed potatoes with an apple jus. Yummy yum yummy. And it's pretty awesome he won 'cause there was all kinds o' drama in the Top Chef kitchen. The fridge door was left opened all night thereby making Hosea's pork and Radika's duck not safe for consumption. And in the spirit of giving all the chefs helped out our 2 wayward kitties.

Then an interesting turn of events happened, head judge Tom stated the top 3 dishes were good, not great. And everybody else's food was unacceptable. He's looking at you Ariane for serving 6 variations of deviled eggs. So nobody was sent packing and were basically given the old "step up yr game" speech.

How do you like them apples?

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Q & A

Hey, everyone! I am exhausted from the holiday crunch but this has been good (FREE) therapy for me. Today's meme is brought to by Enjoy!

Are you ready? I was born ready.

First thing you wash in the shower? You know *wink wink*

What color is your favorite hoodie? Black. It's SexyBeast's old Mastadon hoodie.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes, it was my daddy.

Do you plan outfits? heehee I'm a bit psycho about it actually. I plan them out a week in advance.

How are you feeling RIGHT now? Tired and silly.

What's the closest red thing to you? My lamp, I feel like I'm in the Red Light District.

Do you say Aim or A-I-M? Why would I spell that out?

Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I remember all my dreams. It was about feeling hopeless at my job. It was more of a nightmare really.

Did you meet anybody new today? Yup.

What are you craving right now? Chocolate covered pretzels.

Do you floss? Everyday.

What comes to mind when i say cabbage? Cole slaw (eeeeewwwww)

When was the last time you talked on aim? I don't know what that is.

Are you emotional?(Not emo) Overly emotional would be more accurate.

Would you dance to the taco song? What the hell is the taco song?

Have you ever counted to 1,000? I've tried but I get tongue tied.

Do you bite your ice cream or just lick it? It's a bit/lick combo. That sounds sexual ; )

Do you like your hair? Usually. Unfortunately, my flat iron is at SexyBeast's apartment.

Do you like yourself? I LOVE myself.

Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes, the last one was author Gregory Maguire. Check out his latest A Lion among Men.

Do you like cottage cheese? I eat it everyday. When I was 5, I lived on cottage cheese, hard salami and bananas.

What are you listening to right now? The TV. But Kate Bush "The Dreaming" was the last bit of music I was listening to.

How many countries have you visited? 4. Canada, Mexico, England and Scotland.

Are your parents strict? Yes.

Would you go skydiving? Not even if you paid me.

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Ugh! Never!

Would you throw potatoes at him? I wouldn't stoop that low.

Is there anything sparkly in the room your in? I don't think so.

Have you ever voted for an American Idol? Never ever.

Have you ever been in a castle? Yes, when I was in England and Scotland.

Do you rent movies often? If I could, I would marry the man that invented Netflix.

Who sits behind you in your math class? N/A

Have you made a prank phone call? When I was 11, it was THE thing to do.

Do you own a gun? Nope.

Can you count backwards from 74? Yes.

Who are you going to be with tonight? I'm staying home 'cause I'm old and tired.

Brown or white eggs? Brown. And you wanna know why? Brown are farm eggs and farm eggs are fresh eggs.

Do you own something from hot topic? Yes, I have the cutest T-shirt "Muffins are just ugly cupcakes"

Ever been on a train? Yes, the Ethan Allen Express.

Ever been in love? Yes. I am deeply in love with SexyBeast.

Do you have a cell phone? A brand new neato one.

Are you too forgiving? No, I'm a vindictive bitch.

Do you use Chop Sticks? Always, house rule.

What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Spending time w/ her mother-in-law.

Do you use ChapStick? I prefer Burt's Bees Medicated Lip Balm.

Ever have cream puffs? Only since I was born. Mom is a professional baker.

Have you seen the Butterfly Effect? No. I refuse to watch any movie w/ Ashton Kutcher in it.

What was the last question you asked? Where's the gift tags?

What was the first CD you ever bought? I think it was Queensryche, don't remember which one.

Boys or Girls? I can't be hemmed in by labels.

What is your bus # for school? I drive a car. To work.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Blue Christmas

As previously mentioned, I have not been feeling like myself at all lately. Hindered, stuck, overly emotional. I decided the best way to work through my bluckiness is to write about it.

Day one, I'm getting ready for work and I realize I really don't want to go. I work in case management in the HIV community and it's very demanding, esp. this time of year.

Day two, one of my clients really got under my skin. I'm hypersensitive anyway. I have to learn to become like a duck and let it roll off my back. But I like myself, do I have to change?

Day three, became agitated w/ SexyBeast. Communication breakdown and misunderstanding. I never explained to him how I get in the winter. My fault, I don't deserve such a wonderful man.

Day four, sleeping longer and longer. I feel at peace when I'm unconscious. Or most likely, hiding from what's troubling me. But I feel safe and pacified when I'm lying next to SexyBeast.

Day five, Christmas party at the office. Comfort foods and desserts. Great, now I'm depressed and fat. I hate my body, I feel like I've been abusing it.

Day six (today) sniping at SexyBeast and crying uncontrollably. I recognize that this thing in me is growing at a rapid rate.

Know this post is confessional but I need to let out the ugly. And from pain comes inspiration. Perhaps another story is on the horizon.

Friday, December 19, 2008

And a Sixpence in her Shoe

Hey, everyone! I'm in the midst of a crippling depression, so my posts may be sporadic. Bear with me, I'll be better when the snow melts. And by the by, I got a nasty-gram for last week's Top Chef recap. And I'd like to stress again, this is my blog. These are my opinions. I'm entitled to my opinions. I am proud of my opinions. I am snarky and judgemental. Having written that disclaimer, don't read this blog if you're going to tell me how lame I am.

Anywhoo, in Top Chef land, the cheftesants' Quick Fire Elimination, was to test their palates. They played Name that Ingredient, in face to face showdown, last man standing type o' thing. And my sexy secret boyfriend, Hosea proved that he has the chops and is incredibly smokin' hot. Lucky Hosea also won immunity in the challenge.

So the gang is divided up into for teams, Old, New, Borrowed, Blue. And they have to cater Judge Gail Simmons' bridal shower of 40 guests. Y-IPES! Tricky business, having a abstract theme and making food for that many people.

For the most part, the chefs performed well. As a side note, my friend Lydia and I have noticed that Gail really bulked up this season. Even SexyBeast made a comment and he only watched the show for the first time 'cause I made him. Here's a direct quote "Wow! She's about ready to pop out of her dress!"

So the winning team was Borrowed, who used the concept of borrowing from culinary influences and made Eastern spice lamb marinated in yoghurt with wilted kale (yum!), carrot puree and cucumber raita (not sure what raita is, Albany Jane and Mr. Dave help!) . And based off of that win, the judges picked a super duper winner......... Ariane. She looked dumb founded. I'm not an Ariane fan but she gets a half hearted pat on the back from me. Then Jaime, whom I know despise even more, gets her knickers in a twist 'cause she felt she should have been the winner. As my delightful SexyBeast said "She pureed veggies! The other chick made meat. Meat wins every time!"

And packing their knives and going is Daniel/Danny, thank God. A bad chef and even more obnoxious person. His crime, throwing shit on a shit pile that already has too much shit on it. Oh, and yeah, he undercooked some crummy mushrooms and threw them underneath Bug-eyed Carla's salad. Good riddance, ya yutz!

Monday, December 15, 2008


Welcome to Monday Meme day. And as a note side, today is my wonderful boyfriend's birthday. He got everything he wanted ; )

1) What one quality of your father’s would you most like to share? Patience. Seriously, I don't like waiting for anyone or anything. I don't even like putting stuff in the microwave 'cause it takes too long. My father has the patience of Job. It's an interesting story, people, check it out.

2) Among all the people you know, who would you like to have known when s/he was a child? My boyfriend. I'm incredibly curious what he was like as a little bratty kid.

3) If you wanted to meditate for a whole day, where would you do it? The dock on the lake near my parents' log home. I have done that actually. And I've gotten some great inspiration there.

4) What is your favorite thing to do in a city park? Hmmmm....... tough choice. It's a toss up between people watching and trying to stand up on the "merry-go-round" even though I'm so dizzy I might puke.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one.

Red is the colour of passion and anger.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Burley Queue

The northeast has just survived a record breaking ice storm. Thankfully I've been w/ SexyBeast and mostly have power for 2 days. Now we have full power. Thank God! Unfortunately, my parents and kitty cat are still in the dark. And oddly enough, it's beautiful out there. Everything looks like it's made out of diamonds. And there's a lovely silence surrounding my world.

In the midst of the insane weather conditions, Bettie Page passed away this week. For those of you not in the know, Bettie was style icon and one of the most famous pin-ups ever. I adore Bettie Page and incredibly saddened by her death.

I became obsessed with pin-ups a few years ago after I saw an E! True Hollywood Story about Miss Bettie. (shameful I know)

Anyhoo, I have spent a lot of time, collecting books and lunchboxes and lots o' other fun stuff with pin-ups on it. And I really started to analyze why.

Beauty. Beauty is power. Beauty is mutable. Bettie Page was far from thin but that never stopped hoards of men from lusting over her.

My dream is to lose 15 lbs. and join a burlesque show. Someday......

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Lights, Camera, Watermelon

I did not post yesterday because I was EXHAUSTED. I guess I didn't realize how much I've pushing my self post-gallbladder yankin'.

Let me serve up a heapin' helpin' of Top Chef recap.

For the Quick Fire Challenge, the cheftesants had to make a breakfast amuse-bouche. For those of you not in the know, an amuse-bouche may sound like a sexual reference but believe me it SO not. It's like a tasty teaser of food. Something you munch on in one bite. And holy Christ look who the guest judge is, that douche bag Rocco DiSpirito. UGH! He is such a talentless chef whore. Anyways, at the bottom of the barrel are Daniel/Danny jerk face for his zucchini flower corn flake encrusted mess on a plate and Fabio because his banana brioche espresso cream dealie was too desserty. And in his interview he was bitter. Lame-o. And the winner was my girl Leah for a little tiny breakfast sandwich bite of egg, bacon and bread. Yummy ; ) Then Jamie gets her underpants all in twist and starts whining about how "it's not fair, Leah won the last Quick Fire, whah whah whah I'm a big baby!" Fair? Are you kidding? It's a competition, dumb ass.

For the Elimnation Challenge the chefs had to present a dish in 2 1/2 minutes on live TV. No one looked happy. Lots of flurry and people not finishing in time. It was insanity, people! The chefs got narrowed down to the 3 best and then surprise! Head Judge Chef Tom woke them up at 4 a.m. to tell them they were going on The Today Show to do a cooking segment w/ their dishes. I was expecting Al Roker (whom I secretly crush on!) or Matt Lauer but noooooo it was Meredith and Kathy Lee. Kathy Lee is fucking mental, she actually spit out pretty boy Jeff's middle Eastern concoction. But ultimately the winner was Ariane, whom I don't really feel is that a good of a chef at all, with her watermelon salad. Bleh. And going home is Alex for trying to do creme brulee for live TV under 5 minutes. Say what? And then he was bitching about "throwing me under the bus". Jesus Christ, I hate that expression. Bitch actually said his priority was his upcoming wedding and not the show. So how is it bus throwing by another cheftestant if you don't really want to be on Top Chef? Dink.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Satisfaction Brought me Back

You know the drill people. Monday is meme day courtesy of
Please comment : )

1) What one quality of your mother’s would you most like to share? Definitely her ability to not back down to people. I hate confrontation and I find myself not wanting to offend people.

2) If you promised never to lie about anything ever again, in what area of your life would be it the hardest for you to keep the promise? My spending habits. It's terrible. I'm a spend-a-holic.

3) If you found a fifty dollar bill in a vacant lot, what would you do with it? Honestly, I would pocket it. It's a vacant lot. What do you want me to do?

4) What good deed that you didn’t do when you had the opportunity do you wish you had done? I'm not like that. I have never felt regret that I didn't help out someone to the best of my ability.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. OMG! It's a blue Kitchen Aid mixer. I think "Wow that would look mind and SexyBeast's imaginary house!"

Friday, December 5, 2008


About 2 months ago I wrote about my frustrations with my writing. I finally fine tuned my story that I've been working on for the past 6 months and sent to a friend to edit.

I haven't heard back yet, so instead of hanging out in limbo, I decided to be more pro-active in my writing. Ick! I hate that buzz word "pro-active" but it fits.

The last time SexyBeast spent a weekend at my house, I was plagued by nightmares. ALL NIGHT. It was the pits. But from pain comes beauty. I put together a story based on my nightmares.

I've never had any interest in fantasy/horror but I figured it would be good for me to stretch the limits of my creativity.

I wasn't expecting much to come from it but as I was writing yesterday, I realized my throw away story has grown to 6 pages. Unfortunately, I am now stuck. So I'm sending it to HomerJ over at, he's an English teacher and has agreed to help me. Plus he's a great at being a "cheerleader".

And now I have a new perspective on writing and have lots of idea seeds busting out of my head.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Coochy Coo!

The nicest compliment anyone could ever give me is "oh yr skin feels so soft!" Let me tell you people, soft skin doesn't just happen, especially you if tend to be a bit more crocodile-ly in the winter.

I am very resolute in my lotion type products. I vacillate between the high end, Shea Body Butter from The Body Shop, it has a clean smell and goes on nice and thick, and the bargain buy, Olay Quench. I prefer the Ultra Moisture variety because of my extra dry knees and elbows.

And you know what goes well with soft skin? Freshly shaven legs of course! For a long time I lived in the shaving dark ages, using cheap disposable razors and ordinary soap. Then when I was spending a semester in Mexico, free from the constraints of my mother, I bought my first really nice expensive razor. But still I had red bumps and dry patches.

I started using girly shaving foams. But the smells were overpowering and I was going through them like mad. Then I saw the light. I went to a sex toy party and among the many fun things being sold was Coochy Shave Gel. It is a miracle in a bottle. It has a clean scent, you only need a little and in a pinch you can substitute it for hair conditioner.

Lucky for me, I had gone to a series of sex toy parties in a row. I didn't worry about when I could purchase my next fix. However, there were some lean times and I had to resort to my old ways. Until, my good friend Lydia at wrote a post on and I was overjoyed to read that my fave. shaving product could be easily obtained on the interweb. Thank you, Lydia!

And bonus, the Coochy line has expanded. You can get it all sizes, different scents and an after shaving mist (which have yet to try).

Enough, post. It's time to hit the shower!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Learn to Fly

Top Chef recap day is once again upon us.

I happened to really enjoy this week's epi, even if the lame ass Foo Fighters were on it. I am not trying to offend anyone, but my personal opinion is Foo Fighters are sucky.

For the Quick Fire Challenge, the cheftesants had to choose knives from the infamous randomizer butcher block o' doom. On the knives were random numbers which corresponded to page numbers in the Top Chef cookbook (plug plug plug by Bravo channel). The chefs had to do their own spin on the recipe they had "chosen". So everybody is doing their thing when Padma (hostess w/ the mostess and married to that dude that wrote The Satanic Verses) screamed "Stop Stop! Take yr stuff and turn it into a soup!" Say what? They won't have time to make stocks. Wait, silly Phairhead. Swanson has so generously offered up their line of stocks to aid the cheftestants. And also a surprise, they didn't call anybody out for their badness. Winning elimination is my girl Leah with chilled asparagus soup w/ tuna tartar. Not something I would chow down on personally but congrats anyway. Also, Leah gets a bonus prize, choosing a team for the Elimination Challenge. Yeah Leah!

So for the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants have to pack up and go to Rochester (Rock-chester!), NY and make Thanksgiving dinner for the Foo Fighters and their entourage. Plus, they have to follow the Foos rider to include their fave foods and quirks.

Heehee, so they get to the venue and they have to cook outside w/ one burner, microwaves, hot boxes and toaster ovens. Turkey in a toaster oven? HA! And oh yeah it started raining buckets too!

But as it turns out, both teams did a really great job. Except for the desserts. And the winners' are.... Leah's team. Woo hoo! Loser went before the Judges' Table and right away, weird beard Daniel/Danny starts shooting off at his Long Island mouth. He is such a mook! And seriously, why would any man shave stripes in his beard? But packing his knives and going is gay Richard for his spittle non-gooey banana S'mores. Awww. I call bullshit, pretty boy Jeff was the "leader" and he made a crap dessert and shitty side dish. Oh well.

Watch this space.....

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Fatty Fatty

My SexyBeast and I were not together for this past holiday. I was up north in the mountains and he went hunting in Swan Lake, NY. On Sunday we were reunited (and it felt so good!) and he was exhausted from the 2 1/2 hoursish ride in the truck and the snow and he was hungover from Charlie's patented martinis.

Being the wonderful girlfriend that I am, I made dinner. I just got the latest issue of Cooking Light and it is jam packed w/ lots o' tasty treats. Having last weekend partaken of some delish and cheap Indian eats at Taj Mahal, I decided to try my hand at making veggie pakoras. I even purchased some supermarket naan. I was nervous and much to our delight, they came out fabulous. SexyBeast made the rice, he learned a few tricks from his Vietnamese friend on how to make perfect rice. Please feel free to e-mail me or comment if you wants the recipe.

Yesterday, even though SexyBeast was feeling crappy because of his newly diagnosed acid reflux, he made dinner. Dry sea scallops and veggie tempura. It was fantastico! I never had a battered fried scallop before and it was soft and flavourful.

I think I needs a snack.....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Monday Funday

Happy World AIDS Day everyone! I went to Starbucks today, they are contributing today's profits to AIDS charities.

Also I have this week off because my surgeon has not cleared me to return to work. Bonus! That means I will posting daily this week. You guys are so lucky :D

Let's get on the w/ the meme! Brought to you by
And as usual comment, question and ridicule.

1) What is the most unbelievable thing you have ever witnessed? Ummmm....... SexyBeast giving a drunk the strong arm when he tried to molest me. It was awesome!

2) If you could change your identity completely (money no object), what would the new you be like? More confident and less self-deprecation and self-loathing. Oh wait! You mean physically. Flat tummy.

3) What would you do if you saw someone making fun of another person? Speak up. I hate people who get their kicks laughing at the expense of other people.

4) If you could go back to the Garden of Eden and talk to Adam and Eve for five minutes, what would you say? "You guys are nakee!"

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. As per usual I cannot cut and paste the photo. I am a dorkus mallorcus. It's a man in a large room surrounded by chairs. He's standing on a aqua blue tarp w/ pastel flowers. My 1st thought is: I'm going to get married.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

She's Crafty.....

I have just returned from 3 1/2 days in the southern Adirondacks and I am still recovering from my gall bladder surgery, so my posts are a bit askew.

Today I will be recapping Top Chef. Go w/ it people!

This week's Quickfire Challenge was to re-invent the hot dog. The cheftestants went up against a NY hot dog vendor. Radhika won immunity with her Indian inspired Sheek Kabob, lamb sausage with onions and tomato chutney. Yum yum yummy. I've had Sheek Kabob at The Sitar (the restaurant where SexyBeast and I met) and it was truly sublime when rolled into a piece of garlic naan. Bottom of the barrel was Stefan (what?!) for his multi culti dog, methinks the flavours were all over the place, and Jill for using a store bought dog and having no inspiration.

Elimination Challenge was disappointing this week. I get that the show has been going for so long and they're probably running out of ideas or maybe I'm just being a big crank. The cheftestants had to present a 3 course lunch at head judge Tom Coliccho's (Col-Dickio!) flag ship restaurant Craft (never eaten there. can't afford it) to the reject chefs that were not cast for this season's Top Chef. Ehhh. Lame idea.

The chefs assigned themselves to present an app, entree, or dessert.

Winning this week was Fabio for his beef carpaccio with grilled lemon and spherical olives appetizer (every time I see or hear that word I think of Starvin' Marvin of South Park fame). I've never had a carpaccio, as I understand it, its like raw jerky. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not really liking Fabio. He's kinda a sexist European douche. And packing their knives and going home was Jill for making crappy ostrich egg quiche. A food she had never cooked w/ before and she had no clear idea of a dish to present before she went to the market. Disaster! There is always a pattern. Fuck up at Quickfire and Elimination and it's game over.

I'll be serving up another Top Chef recap on Wednesday.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

And the Loser is......

Well the last episode of America's Next Top Model has finally aired. The good, the bad and the not so attractive.

We are down to the final 3. Sam, the ham, cute and commercial and ever so annoying. Annaleigh, cute, commercial and boring. McKey, stunningly beautiful and not that annoying or boring. McKey has been a favourite since day one.

There are no more challenges. We dive right into the requisite Cover Girl commercial and photo shoot for some new crappy Cover Girl lip gloss. It's basically just public humiliation for the chicks seeing as how they can't really act. The photos were OK, nothing really to be amazed at. That's my own personal belief, I prefer weird artsy shit. McKey is called first and Annaleigh goes home.

Then the weird, wonderful fashion show. Every year the producers of Top Model try to get the 2 finalists to fall on the runway. This year the runway is made out of pink Nerf and they have to run up a hill. Strains of Kate Bush are humming in my ears.

McKey had the better walk and thus is this season's winner. Last time they picked a winner that I adored, she ended up in the gutter looking like..... well gutter trash.

Top Chef will be taking over my Wednesday posts. And Top Model will be back in March '09. You better work, bitches!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


This week is going to be all over the place. Yesterday, I had my gall bladder surgery. Let me tell you all about it!

I get up, kiss SexyBeast, take a shower and then quietly panic. Get to the hospital for 9:30 am pre-admission testing. I register, give them my $75 co-pay (which is total fucking bullshit!) and wait for 2.5 seconds. Then the nurse's aid weighs me (150lbs. I call shenanigans!) gets my BP (102/70 lowish normal) and get a urine pregnancy test. She was going to draw blood and was bitching at me about being dehydrated until I explained through gritted teeth that I was fasting for my surgery..... TODAY.

Then I met w/ the sweetest nurse ever, Ellen. And she asked me a barrage of medical questions.

Then I was led to same day surgery and got completely nakee, the first time I've ever done that in front of SexyBeast and we didn't get freaky deaky. I put on the stupid backless gown and even more ridiculous hat thingy.

Then I had a lot of time on my hands , so I re-read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the eleventhy bajillion time. Then I couldn't concentrate so I watch Tony Bourdain in African Bush and Samantha Brown in New Orleans.

Then I got my IV placed and that pretty much sucked.

I met w/ the anesthesiologist and he had no personality what so ever.

Then I cried when the nurses took me to the OR. They gave me happy juice and I don't remember a damn thing.

I woke up in the recovery room in horrible pain and really pukey. The painkillers didn't do shit and I was hooked up to a blood pressure monitor my entire 2 hour stay in recovery. Oh yeah, I guess the painkillers did work 'cause I slept my entire time away in recovery.

Then back to same day, I was awake, alert and SCREAMING my head off. Awful gas pain underneath my rib cage. Don't think gross thoughts, they pumped me full of carbon dioxide so the doctor could see my gall bladder. I was also freezing cold and couldn't catch my breath.

I peed and watched The Simpsons (the one where Lisa becomes a cigarette smoking ballerina) and then SexyBeast and my mother picked me up and brought me home.

Don't how much I will be posting for the rest of the week. I want to thank all my friends and fellow bloggers for all their thoughts and well wishes

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Top Chef

As America's Next Top Model is winding down, I will begin to recap Top Chef. Please bear in mind I am not a chef and know nothing about the fancy chef terminology or gadgetry. Also for a fully loaded Top Chef recap, please check out Kim at

This season's contest is in NYC, baby. We started out with 17 cheftestants but only 16 will be making it to the Top Chef digs. We start off w/ a quick fire elimination. Usually quick fire determines immunity for a chef or some other fabulous prize. The cheftestants had to peel 15 apples with a paring knife. The first chef done will be granted immunity and the next 8 chefs will be safe from elimination. The winner was hottie Stefan from Finland. I'm a sucker for a bald man w/ an accent! Then the next phase had the remaining 8 finely and uniformly chop the peeled apples. Final phase and remaining 4 cheftestants had to create something out of their 2 cups of diced apples. Word to the wise: never, ever make a salad on Top Chef. It's the kiss of death. Oh and hey guess what? The 2 goombas that made salads were in the bottom 2 and up for elimination. And it's Lauren, the 23 year wife of a U.S. soldier in Iraq who is a chef in Savannah, GE (whew long intro!) who will packing her knives and heading home.

The cheftestants get their assignment for judging. Everyone pulls a destination out of the knife block. Each 8 pairs of 2 will be going to said place to be inspired by the international cooking of the area. The cheftestants will be going head to head, losers will be judged and one will be sent home.

The break down goes like this: Astoria/Greek food
Brighton Beach/Russian food
Long Island City/Middle Eastern food
Ozone Park/Latin food
Jamaica (Queens)/Caribbean food
Little Italy (guess!)
Chinatown (guess again!)
Little India (are you stumped?)

The winner was cocky Stefan who went to Long Island City and made a duo of lamb chops w/ tabouli salad (yum!) and a beef and onion skewer (double yum!) Side note, all but one of the winners of the 1st elimination challenge has gone on to win the title of Top Chef. And Patrick the little gay guy in culinary school was sent a-packin' for his debacle of Chinese cuisine. He offered up seared salmon and bok choy over black rice noodles. Patrick made an off hand remark about "it's noodles. all you have to do is boil them." My mom said that was the nail in his coffin. To me his dish just sounded plain yucky.

My favourite cheftestants so far are, Leah, she seems like a really talented chef, tattooed Jaime, hunky bald Hosea w/ one dimple (I want to sip champagne from that dimple!) and Stefan the Finnish kinda jerk.

Sacre Bleu!

Top Model recap, only one more epi to go.

This week the lesson/challenge was about emoting w/out speaking. Actually a valuable lesson when yr a print model. Much more useful than the stupid makeup challenges. Honestly, when would a model ever have to do her own makeup..... in a speeding car...... in under 10 minutes. I'm just sayin'. The chicks were in a "commercial" in which they had to run on a tread mill make eye contact w/ a male model who is in a "cab" and smooch him passionately on the lips. Marjorie, my lovely lady, won for being the most natural.

Then she boozed it up w/ some Dutch boys and jumped into the hot tub fully clothed. It was no season 2 Shandi "YOU HAD SEX!" but still entertaining.

This week's photo shoot had the chicks dolled up in couture avantgard pieces posing in front of traditional Dutch windmills. This week's wiener was Annaleigh, meh. And going home was Marjorie. WHAT? NOOOOOO!!!! I adored her. My only consolation is the fact that winning Top Model is mostly a joke and hinders a chick if she wants to legitimately model.

Final 3 final epi. My prediction: Annaleigh. Wholesome, can act, a dummy. It's all good.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Can't Stop. Won't Stop

Happy meme day everyone! Today's selection of questions is brought to by Please feel free to comment.

If you could choose only one thing from Walmart, what would it be? I would rather be shot in the head than go to Walmart. They discriminate against minorities and women and gays. Mall-Wart sucks!

Do you love the person you last held hands with? That would be my mother and yes.

How about the last person you kissed? I think that was my father and again yes.

How do you feel about reality television? I love to hate it, as evidenced by my Top Model recap. I also heart Top Chef, Project Runway and *gasp* Charm School w/ the Rock o' Love girls. It is such a guilty pleasure.

What is your favorite juice? Either cherry or really sour lemonade.

If you were to have a child, what would the last name be? Seeing as I am not married at the moment, said fetus would have my current last name.

What is your lowest moment in life so far? Sheesh, so many low points. Hmmmm...... when I had a car accident last year the week before Christmas. That was a major ball of suckage.

Have you ever had a near death experience? Nope.

Are you currently working? And if so do you like your job? I am gainfully employed and I adore my job working in the HIV community. It took me many years to find something that I love to do.

Do you love one parent better than the other? What? No!

Are you religious? I am spiritual but not religious. Such is the result of going to Catholic school for 10 years.

Did you vote on 11/4/2008? Fuck yeah! Obama all the way.

Who makes your favorite article of clothing? I don't have a fave designer. I can't afford designer clothes. I usually shop at Target or Maurice's.

Going skiing or snowboarding this year? Hell no. I hate all winter sports.

How about sledding or ice skating? Except for sledding

How many significant others have you had? 2

Are you in a relationship now? If so are you happy? YES & YES!

What are your thoughts on drugs? As long as what yr doing doesn't harm other people

What's the craziest drunken night you've had? heh heh, sang along loudly and out of tune to "Blister in the Sun" by a cover band, went out to Denny's w/ the bartenders and flashed my boobs to a chick.

Are you now, or have you ever been addicted to anything? Nope.

Do you ever watch talk shows? I watch cool bands I like on youtube that appear on Letterman.

Do you like the snow? No, it's like I'm being slowly suffocated.

Favorite holiday? Wow, tough. A tie between Halloween and Christmas.

Any bands you used to like and are now embarrassing to you? I loved hair metal when I was 13 and 14. My fave was Skid Row.

Would you rather text someone or call them? Texting is easier.

Ever been to any concerts? Who? Too many to list. I am a big fan of the live experience.

Have you ever met anyone that's famous? Yes, the last famous person I met was Gregory Maguire. He wrote Wicked, Son of a Witch, A Lion among Men, etc.

What's the last movie you rented? Degrassi High, though technically not a movie.

How about the last movie you saw in the theater? It's been awhile. I saw Burn after Reading the first weekend in October.

Do you have a/any hero(s)? I admire many people.

Have you ever walked out on a job or just not showed up? No, never. I have a very strong work ethic.

Are you going on vacation any time soon? Yes, Sexy Beast and I are going to Portsmouth,NH for a weekend of romance.

When you were little what did you want to be when you "grow up"? A writer. That ambition has not changed.

Ever broken a bone? I just tripped going up the stairs and I think I broke my big toe.

Have you ever taken part in a three some? No but I would never rule anything out.

Do you have any children? NO! I plan on staying kid free.

What are your thoughts on abortion? I am pro-choice 100%.

How about gay people? Whatever you do in yr bedroom is yr business.

Camel's or Marlbro's? Neither, smoking is disgusting.

Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. Some things are better left unsaid.

Do you shower every day? Yes, that's how I wake up in the a.m.

Have any piercings? I had my navel pierced for 7 months when I was 20. At 21 I had my left nipple pierced for 5 years. Now the only pierced thing I have is my ears.

Tattoos? No, I'm afraid of needles. Though I have been contemplating about getting ivy wrapped around my big toe.

If you just came into a large amount of money, what would you do first? Pay off my credit debt.

Are you using a wireless keyboard and mouse? Nope.

Have you ever been in a car accident? Plenty. I was in 4 car accidents w/in 18 months. Last one was last year as I previously mentioned.

Do you drink and drive? Never.

Has anyone ever sang to you in a romantic way? Sexy Beast sings to me when we've been drinking.

What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you? It's the little things. I'm not into big gestures. Sexy Beast bought me chocolate yesterday while he was Columbia Pres. Hospital.

Mtv or VH1? VH1, cause I'm old.

Doing anything exciting this weekend? Party at Michelle's! woo hoo!

Ever had your heart broken? Yes.

Ever liked someone and didn't go for it because of what your friends said? Nope. I pay little attention to outside influences.

You're getting married. Who's your maid of honor and best man? Cris and Dan.

What's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Right now it's a toss up between Woodchuck cider and vanilla vodka and Coke.

Can you shotgun a whole beer? No, I'm not that talented.

What's your favorite drinking game? Beirut. The ultimate drinking game.

Ever danced to no music? Yes, it's fun.

Have a favorite song right now? Today my fave is "Cath" by Death Cab for Cutie.

Would you rather be able to fly or walk on water? Fly, I enjoy swimming too much.

Would you rather get highlights or dye your whole head? Currently I dye my hair and I have highlights. I think I look super cute.

How long has your best friend been your bestie? 12 years.

Are you friends with any of your siblings? Yes, always.

Are you a very emotional person? I wear my emotions very outwardly.

Have you ever lost a loved one? My grammie and my aunt.

What's the best club you've ever been to? I could care less about shit like that.

Can you do the splits? No but I am very bendy. Sexy Beast is very happy.

Would you ever go on a reality tv show? No.

What kind of shampoo are you using? At my parents' house I use honey shampoo from The Body Shop and at Sexy Beast I keep Pantene Pro Vitamin.

Do you wear glasses or contacts? I wore contacts for 12 years and I switched over to glasses for the past 2 because of economic reasons.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Merry X-mas to Me

Boyfriend is out of town for the weekend, so I decided to take advantage of some me time.

I'm planning on moving in w/ SexyBeast in January and as such am taking a personal inventory of what I can and cannot bring into my new home. However, SexyBeast has been a bachelor for a good long while and he admittedly will not spend a lot of money on things he deems unworthy. For this reason, today I purchased a shower caddy, well it's really more of a pole thingy. I'll post more when I put it together. Also, have to bring coffee mugs because all he owns are travel mugs and 99% of the time they are in the dishwasher or in the sink. And up until last month he did not own a tea kettle. Well, my lovely SexyBeast got hit w/ a killer chest cold a few weeks ago and broke down to purchase a kettle. He settled on the cheap 4.99 one at Target. You get what you pay for my friends. I went to make him a cup a tea when was coughing his brains out and I spilt hot water on my hand.

Then I shot over from Bed, Bath and Friggin' Beyond to Marshall's, wherein I got my brother and sister-in-law their X-mas gift. I always get them gift baskets. Now you may think that lacks originality but there so many variations on the theme one could never tire of them. This year it's a tea/waffle/scone set. And I couldn't help myself and got a Life is Good long sleeve T-shirt. I reasoned the purchase that I only own 3 long sleeve T-shirts and needed another.

And finally I went to my local Gap outlet. I got a super cute outfit for my 3 year old niece on sale w/ an additional 30% off. With my savings I got 2 new sweaters and at the end of the day I saved 42 bucks.

I'll try to not let the trend continue this season of one gift for you and two for me. But we'll see....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's Cool to Know Nothin'!

I am totally totally obsessed with the new Kaiser Chiefs single "Never Miss a Beat". It's loud, crunchy and very sing-along-able. Unfortunately, I am having my own economic crisis and I don't see the end anytime soon, so the best I can hope for is the Amazon gift certificate fairy to visit me in the middle of the night.

Then I got to thinking about all the other cool music out there that I do not own.

1. Bob Mould- he put a CD months ago. For those of you not in the know, Bob is a fantastic musician who was a part of the post-punk band Husker Du in the '80's and then power pop band Sugar in the '90's. He has integrity.

2. Vampire Weekend- cute white nerds from NYU that make catchy sorta ska like danceable songs. Check out the new single "Kids don't Stand a Chance".

3. Death Cab for Cutie- been around for years, mopey stare at yr shoes music. The new CD came out at the beginning of the year and I have been dying to hear it in it's entirety.

4. The Ting Tings- snotty British boppy sound. Good stuff!

There are thousands of others that I cannot name as I don't have enough room or time. I'm embarrassed to say there is stuff out from 10 + years ago that I haven't purchased yet (Yeah Yeah Yeahs). And the all the stuff I had on cassette that I never converted over (The Clash, mother fuckin' Danzig). Where are you Amazon fairy?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Go and See

Well my friends, Top Model is coming to a swift end and to fill that void I will recapping Top Chef on Wednesdays. I'm crazy about tops I guess.

This week the chicks had to travel by river canoe type things and navigate the streets of Amsterdam to go on "go sees" with a time limit. Poor Marjorie, she got confused and cried. Then there was the usual bitchiness 'cause Mackey would have been the winner but she was 5 minutes late, so Annaleigh won instead. Ladies, word o' advice, "let it go".

This week's photo shoot was Tyra Banks' trying to prove to the world that she can do other stuff than model. She was the photographer for the shoot and the theme was one natural look and one over the top makeup side by side kinda thing all in black and white. Honestly, it was a kool idea.

The big wiener was Sam the Ham. And to totally sound like teenage girl from 2004 "I am so over Sam". Seriously, I don't see what the big deal is, she's just kinda meh. And going home was Elina, 'cause she's overly tattooed and uptight.

Oohh, down to the Final Four!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

White Like Me

My 33rd birthday was a few weeks ago (Oct. 21st to be exact) and it was kinda sucky day in general but one of the precious highlights was a present from my middle brother. I am now in possession of the hilarious novel "Stuff White People like". In this lovely piece of literature, it enumerates the pretentiousness of my culture. And at the end you can take a quiz to figure out mathematically how white you are.

Myself? I am middle o' the road whitey. I am passionate about glasses and organic foods, indie music and movies and most importantly, brunch. However, I have tendencies to become the wrong kind of white person because of my love for comedian Dane Cook and my prized "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" T-shirt.

And of course you can check out the website for constant updates and trends about our race at I will be dedicating one post per week about my whiteness. Stay tuned.....

Monday, November 10, 2008

Kitty Cat

Happy Monday. Today's meme is brought to you by Make of me what you will.

1) Whose thoughts would you most like to read? The idiot at work that is two faced bitch. Seriously, I want to know what the fuck she is thinking?

2) How do you feel when someone smiles at you? First, a little started, 'cause I'm automatically on the defensive with people. Then, I think "Wow", that's nice and I feel humbled.

3) If you were allowed to teach any course (real or made-up by you) at any university in the world, where and what would you teach? "Meaningless Trivia that will never get you a Real Job" at Tufts University. You should always teach what you know.

4) If you could be buried or have your ashes spread anywhere at all, where would it be? Off the ferry going to Martha's Vineyard. Lots of good childhood memories there.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Again I cannot paste the photo 'cause I am what the ancient Romans referred to as a Dorkus Mallorcus. It's a picture of a falling down building. My first thought is my life feels like that right now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Weird Vagina Shaving Party

It's ANTM recap time!

Lots o' action in this epi. The chicks first challenge was to split into 3 teams of 2 and navigate their way from the airport in Amsterdam to their new digs. Winning team will win 50 extra frames at the photo shoot. Elina (sorta yeah) and Sam the ham won. Let me tell in 1990's slang they are living in a pretty phat pad.

Then there was this weird tension in the house 'cause 3 of the hamsters all hopped in the tub together. And the other 3 bitches were all "whoa! that's strange." and complaining that the revelers were too loud. Did anybody say "Hey pipe down in the bathtub!"? Nope, they would rather be catty and passive aggressive.

Surprise! Another challenge. Again split into 3 teams of 2, the chicks were posing in couture clothes from Dutch designers in "red light" district windows. It was really neat. I'm kinda obsessed with going to Amsterdam to check out the "red light" district and the sex museum and all that other kinky shit. Someday, readers, someday. Mackey, whom I normally love but was being a total asshat in this episode, and Sam the ham won.

This week's photo shoot had the ladies posing on a boat. Top photo went to Mackey. I still say Hurray 'cause she's unusually beautiful and has wicked cool S&M medieval faire jewelry. Going back to the States was Sheena, the Japanese/Korean American wannabe Kimora Lee Simmons. I won't miss her, she was really annoying.

Next week: go-sees!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

50 Kinds of Suckiness!

Sunday morning I awoke to a tummy ache. I thought perhaps my 6 year old niece may have given me her flu bug. So SexyBeast plied me with flat ginger ale and Triscuits. But wait something is wrong! Every sip and bite was excruciating. Wave after wave of abdominal pain. Only relief coming from the many cat naps I took all day.

I roused myself to watch The Simpsons (God I loves me some Simpsons!) but by the time Family Guy rolled around, the agony was unbearable. I tried to lay down on the freshly made queen sized mattress to no avail.

SexyBeast said, "Do you want to go to the ER?" To which I replied, "Better now than 2 am when I can't sleep."

Check in at 9:30, labs drawn, examination and one abdominal ultrasound later, I have gall stones. And since I don't show any signs of an infection, I have to be referred to a general surgeon to book my gall bladder removal at a later date.

Gall stones flare up from fatty foods. Therefore no fat in my diet until that sucker is out of my body. I'm eating healthier than ever and all I want to do is stuff my face with bacon onion pizza.

Off to my GP on Friday for a referral to a general surgeon. I'm praying they yank out my gall bladder before Thanksgiving. Otherwise, I'm gonna have to load up on Percocet just eat a slice of pie.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Thanks for the Meme-ories!

I'm feeling corny today from a strange weekend. Long story short, I'm going to have my gall bladder removed. But more on that later.... the meme for today is from and is entitled "45 of the most random things you will probably never need to know about someone." Pretty fitting.

whats your name spelt backwards? Eus, sounds Greek. awesome.
What did you do last night? I went to the emergency department at my local hospital for 3 hours. And I missed Family Guy : (
The last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Photos of myself. I'm such a fucking egomanic.
Have you ever licked a 9 volt battery? No!
Last time you swam in a pool? 2005 at the gym.
What are you wearing? A bathing suit, they frown upon skinny dipping at gym.
How many cars have you owned? Two, thank God they're made to last.
Type of music you dislike most? Disposable pop or honky tonk.
Are you registered to vote? Damn skippy!
Do you have cable? Yes, I could never live without it.
What kind of computer do you use? Dude, it's a Dell.
Ever made a prank phone call? When I was 11, that was THE thing to do.
You like anyone right now? I'm in love with my boyfriend.
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?Not even if you paid me.
Furthest place you ever traveled? Edinburgh, Scotland.
What's your favorite comic strip? Dilbert, he's where it's at.
Do u know all the words to the national anthem? All 3 verses? No way Jose.
Shower, morning or night? Always in the morning.
Best movie you've seen in the past month? Snatch. Wow.
Favorite pizza toppings? Bacon and onion.
Chips or popcorn? Depends on the flavour and variety of the chip. Hmmm I'm making it too hard. I'll say popcorn.
What cell phone provider do you have? Tracfone. It's cheap.
Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No. I bet Albany Jane has : )
Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? heheh no. Though I think it would be fun to wear a tiara for a few hours.
Orange Juice or apple? Neither. ICK!
Who were the last people you sat at lunch with? I eat alone.
favorite chocolate bar? Almond Joy, Hersey Kisses' with Almonds and Peanut Butter Cups.
Who is your longest friend and how long? Cris for the past 12 years.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? This past summer in a kickass salad I made with fresh spinach, avocado and bacon bits.
Have you ever won a trophy? Cheerleading trophy in 8th grade. First and last time I was a cheerleader.
Favorite arcade game? Original Mario Brothers.
Ever ordered from an infomercial? I got hoodwinked by the Perfect Pancake.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school/work? First through 8th grade at St. Paul's.
Last thing you bought at Walgreens? I've never purchased anything from a Walgreen's.
Ever thrown up in public? Nope : ) I rule.
Would you prefer being a millionaire or finding true love? Romantic that I am, I'll pick true love.
Do you believe in love at first sight? No.
Did you have long hair as a young kid? Half way down my back. word.
What message is on your voicemail machine? "Leave a message, I'll call you back."
Where would you like to go right now? A hammock on the beach.
Sprite or 7-UP? Neither, gross.
Whats the name of your pet? Squeaky
What kind of back pack do you have, and what's in it? I don't use one. I'm alls grows up.
What do you think about most? Fixing up a house with SexyBeast.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


I just finished typing a most perfect post and for some goddamned reason I got an error message when it was supposed to publish. FFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK!!!!!!!

OK, as most of you noticed I did not recap Top Model last week. The episode for Oct. 15th was a recap, show boring bits that we didn't air and filler crapfest. What's the point in recapping a recap. That's an oxymoron on par with military intelligence.

This week heralded the return of the Aswirl Twins, 2 African American dandies that teach...... ummm..... swirling I guess. It's all very confusing and over the top. And there was the crazy ass challenge. The chicks were in a blue screen fashion show, so only the garments and accessories appeared on stage, bizarro. Elina won, and as there so few hamsters left and Elina isn't a total illiterate dumbass, I can say half-heartedly "good for you, Elina" and sorta mean it.

There was no photo shoot for the week. Instead I had to suffer through the hawking of the nasty ass Covergirl products. And the girls show off how they can't act in a commercial. I fastforwarded through most of the inanity.

The big wiener of the week was Annaleigh. Meh, she's pretty average in every way. And Jocelyn was given da boot for sucking for many weeks now.

Next week, the bitches are off to Amsterdam, Holland.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Easy as X,Y,Z

Today's meme is the called the ABC of Me, brought to you by Judge away people.

Are you available?Nope : ) I have a fella.
What is your age?33 as of last Tues.
What annoys you? Stupidity and bad spelling.

Do you live in a big house?Big is a relative term.
When is your birthday?Oct. 21st 1975
Who is your best friend?Cris W.

What's your favorite candy? OH MY GOD. Don't make me choose! Almond Joy. for now
Who's your crush?SexyBeast, my boyfriend.
When was the last time you cried? In my car listening to a perfect song that reminded me of SexyBeast.

Do you daydream? All the time, in Smell-o-vision even.
What's your favorite kind of dog? A cartoon one.
What day of the week is it? Tuesday.

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled and bone dry.
Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes, I'm dead clumsy.
What's the easiest thing ever to do? Breathe. It's automatic.

Have you ever flown in a plane? Yes. It's the only way to travel.
Do you use fly swatters? No. I prefer the rolled up magazine approach.
Have you ever used a foghorn?No but it sounds like I could annoy a lot of people that way : )

Do you chew gum? Yes.
Are you a giver or a taker? I'm in the middle.
Do you like gummy candies? Eh. Depends. I like Swedish Fish. Does that count? 'Cause if it doesn't, then the answer is no.

How are you? Good. How are you?
What color is your hair? Red w/ blonde tips. See profile picture.

What's your favorite ice cream? Right now it would have to be Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup.
Have you ever ice skated? No I mostly fell.
Do you play an instrument?When I was in middle school I played the flute.

What's your favorite jelly bean brand? Jelly Belly. Gimme some Dr. Pepper beans!
Do you wear jewelry? Very rarely.

Who do you want to kill? Nobody. That's sick.
Do you want kids?NOOOOO! the family tree ends here.
Where did you go for kindergarten? St. Paul's in Schenectady, NY

Are you laid back? No. I'm wound up tight.
Do you lie? Only when forced.

Whats your favorite movie? 3 way tie of Breakfast at Tiffany's, Pulp Fiction and Willy Wonka.
Do you still watch Disney movies? Yes. I have nieces and nephews under the age of 16.
Do you like mangos? I adore mangos.

Do you have a nickname? Plenty. My fave is Zuzan.
What is your real name? Sue.
Whats your favorite number?3, it's the magic number
Do you prefer night over day?Oh yes. Good things happen in the dark.

What's your one wish? To become a published writer.
Are you an only child? No I have 2 older brothers.

What one fear are you most paranoid about? My irrational fear of wasps and other stinging insects. I get a bit hysterical.
What are your pet peeves? Stupidity, ignorance for the sake of being ignorant, imprecise speech.
What's a personality trait you look for in people? Sincerity.

What's your favorite quote? "'tis the wind and nothing more..." Poe
Are you quick to judge people? It's not judging, it's instincts.

Do you think you're always right? Yes. Are you saying I'm wrong?
Are you one to cry? Always.

Do you prefer sun or rain? Sun, makes my freckles pop out.
Do you like snow? Snow = Death.
What's your favorite season? Summer.

What time is it? 6:09 pm
What time did you wake up? 6:55 am
When was the last time you slept in a tent? The end of July for Sousefest. WOOHOO! it was fun.

Are you wearing underwear? No, I forgot to put any on today.
Underwear or boxers? Well since I'm a chick, I'm gonna assume you want my preference on what a man wears. SexyBeast looks good in the boxer/brief combo

What's the worst veggie? Eggplant. It's an abomination.
Where do you want to go on vacation? Milan. Ciao bella.

What's your worst habit? Picking and chewing at my cuticles. I'm so ashamed.
Where do you live? Schenectady, NY. I can freely admit that.
What's your worst fear? Having not lived the life I truly wanted.

Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes. My first was when I was 8. They scanned my hands to see if I was going to grow to a normal stature.
Have you seen the x-games? No, too cool for me.
Do you own a xylophone? Huh?

Do you like the color yellow? Yes, very much.
What's one thing you yearn for? A 3 book publishing deal.

Whats your zodiac sign? Libra.
Do you believe in the zodiac? Does the zodiac believe in me?
Favorite zoo animal? Birds of prey. I heart falcons.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

You got the Peaches, I got the Cream....

The Capital District is an odd mish mash of self breeding chain restaurants, stellar 50 tantalizing kinds of awesome affordable places and eateries I can never dream of going into as they probably tax you for breathing in the air.

A few weeks ago Sexy Beast, some friends and myself went to Peaches Cafe in Styvesant Plaza. I have never been in as I remember waaaaaay back when my mother and I were shopping and hungry. We paused for a minute outside of the then named Peaches and Cream and she said, "Oh I don't know. We could probably split a sandwich." I think I said something like not on yr life old woman, I don't share food, esp. when dining out. After that Peaches (& Cream) became synonymous w/ overpriced brunch place.

Well majority won me over this particular Saturday. I have to tell you, the menu was very sinful. Most of my peeps went w/ stuffed French toast. Lone wolf that I am (and I also have to have my cholesterol and blood sugar checked!) went w/ fresh fruit and quiche Lorraine. Quiche Lorraine is the queen of all quiches........ sorry I was day dreaming : ) However, the Peaches staff didn't exactly give me a heaping helping, I mean you would think for 9.50 I would get at least a quarter of a quiche w/ some edible garnish.

Next time I go, I will be armed w/ gift certificates.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Follow that Meme

Since it's the first day I've been able to post, I go by my rule to do my meme. Today it's brought to you by

What vegetable would you serve with a plate of fried grasshoppers? Hmm.. well you don't want to much green, so I'd say purple broccoli.

If you realize your house is on fire while you are using the bathroom, do you wipe or just run for the door? Wipe and run, mofo's!

Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer? Do you really want people seeing you while you have your face in a pint of Ben & Jerry's?

When thinking about yourself, what color do you see yourself as? A whiter shade of paler, though my freckles are luminescent.

Why are people able to have unprotected sex with someone, but afraid to tell them if they have an STD? As person of some knowledge of this subject, having worked at Planned Parenthood and a current employee of an agency working with people who have HIV, I truly believe that people want want to have hot nasty sex (woohoo!) but don't want the intimacy getting to know that special someone.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Weasel Pot Pie

2 weeks ago Sexy Beast, some friends and myself went to the vast wasteland that is Northern Lights, a bar/music venue. It's stinky, dark, the AC leaks and the drinks are overpriced. Sexy Beast wanted a Red Bull and vodka, it was 10 bucks! And they didn't even use Red Bull but Monster.

Anyway, I digress, the occasion for going to that dive was to see Buckethead. He is a guitar virtuoso. He did things to that instrument that I didn't think were possible. Buckethead never speaks, always remains in character. He wasn't wearing his KFC bucket but a white sand pail and a navy blue boiler suit. Plus Sexy Beast held me up to the see the stage, a first for me.

The only crap thing about the evening was Buckethead's opening act, this lame-o was called That One Guy. He played an instrument that he invented, something called a Magic Stick. It was more like Magic Dildo. He basically slapped gigantic phallus around, sounded like some throwing beer bottles on a drum head. That jackass played his awful music for 1 hour. 1 hour! Since when does the opening act ever do that.

To cap off the night we headed to TGI Friday's as it was the only place open. Normally I HATE chain restaurants but the cheeseburger was pretty damn tasty.

mmmmm burger *drool drool*

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

You Like me! You Really Like me!

Happy ANTM recap day!

Lots o' trash talking this episode. Ladies, a word of advice, let go the bitchiness.

Tyra lead the girls in a lesson/surprise challenge. The chicks had to create a signature pose. My tres belle Marjorie won with her Hunchback of Notre Dame stance. She won a most excellent prize of diamond jewelry. Magnifique!

Then the very funny photo shoot. The hamster were recreating cliched moments at award shows. The top photo went to Marjorie. Hurray, she's my fave! She had a turban on like some 1970's hot mama and trying to take a leak but she can't get out of her dress. The big loser was Lauren Brie. Bland, blonde and boring. As I predicted, she has been cast aside.

Until next week...

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

69 Odd Questions

It's meme day brought to you courtesy of

Are your parents married or divorced? Married and still in love after 40+ years

Are you a vegetarian? Was in college as most of the food was inedible. Now I have one meatless dish per week.

Do you believe in Heaven?Yes

Have you ever come close to dying? Seriously ill yes, dying no.

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?None. I prefer to be unadorned.

Are you eating? Salad w/ Balsamic dressing.

Do you eat the stems of broccoli? Of course.

Do you wear makeup? Yes, it makes my allergy eyes less noticeable.

Would you ever have plastic surgery? If it was free, I'd get all the fat sucked out of my gut.

What do you wear to bed? A smile.

Have you ever done anything illegal? Like I'm gonna tell you.

Can you roll your tongue? Roll and twist, I'm multi-talented.

Do You have a boyfriend or girlfriend? YES, the most amazing person I've met.

Do you believe in Abortions? Yes, emphatically Yes.

What is your Hair color? Heh heh. I just got my coloured about an hour ago. It's red w/ blonde tips. I look like 50 kinds of awesome.

Future child's name, boy and girl? Not that it's gonna happen, but names I really like are Asher for a boy and Lily for a girl.

Do you smoke? NO! Especially after my Grammy died of lung cancer.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Lake Como near Milan.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? They sleep on the floor next to me.

If you won the lottery, what would you do first? Pay off all my debts. Goodbye student loans!

Gold or silver? Silver always.

Hamburger or hot dog? Oh damn, depends on my mood.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Some form of potatoes.

City, beach or country? A beach that's easily accessible to the city and country.

What was the last thing you touched? The keyboard. duh.

Where did you eat last? In my room/loft/ the 'rents house.

Whens the last time you cried? Saturday after I discovered I had a flat tire and was running late.

Do you read blogs? Yes and they are very different from each other.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Why not?

Ever been involved with the police? No.

What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap? Anything by The Body shop. (see previous post to understand why)

Do you talk in your sleep? From what I've been told, yes.

Ocean or pool? Ocean. Pools don't compare.

What's your favorite song at the moment? Electric Feel by MGMT. Wish they would play here in the Capital District.

Have you ever had a cavity? Name one person whose never had a cavity.

Window seat or aisle seats? I honestly don't care.

Ever met anyone famous? Yes. Great White when I was 14. First concert ever too! Denis the lead singer of Voivod. Last and certainly not least Bruce Campbell Evil Dead fame. He's so dreamy.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? No lots of bumps and bruises up until last year. I'm getting there.

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I'm Italian, they force you to twirl.

What is your fave sport to play? Kick ball. I rock it the middle school way.

Basketball or football? Neither, not coordinated enough.

When was the last time you went to the bathroom? I peed about 20 minutes ago.

Do you drive a stick? Ha! I can barely drive automatic. So what I'm saying is no.

Cake or ice cream? Cake with ice cream. Best of both worlds.

Are you self-conscious? Only sometimes.

Do you like any of your close friends? Well they wouldn't be my friends if I didn't like them.

Have you ever given money to a bum? In Mexico, a mere pittance to Americans.

Have you been in love? For the first time ever w/ Sexy Beast. He was worth the wait.

Where do you wish you were? Living in a house w/ Sexy Beast.

On MySpace why is the 1st person on ur top 8 there? I have no idea what yr talking about.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Surprisingly enough, no.

Can you tango? Not very well.

Last gift you received? Sexy Beast gave me a Dethklok T-shirt in June.

What occasion did you receive your gift? Just 'cause he loves me.

Last thing you spent lots of money on? My cut, colour and wax.

Where do you live? Schenectady, NY and I am not ashamed.

Last wedding attended. Not really a wedding but cocktail reception. My cousin Sara on the Boston Harbour.

Favorite restaurant? So many but right now Van's Vietnamese.

What is your favorite kind of car? Honda Element. I'm being more practical than fanciful. As for fantasy, BMW convertible.

Most hated food(s) Mushrooms, every seafood except scallops, and eggplant.

Most loved food(s)? Potatoes, rare steak, and lima beans.

Can you sing? Can't sing but I got soul.

Person on your mind? My friend Matt.

What's your least fave chores? Ugh all of them.

Favorite drink? Vodka w/ grapefruit juice.

Currently have a Crush? My Sexy Beast.

How long was your longest drive in a car? 5 or 6 hours to Martha's Vineyard. Damn Massholes!

Why do you do MySpace surveys? I don't. But I do do facebook quizzes. Just for a laugh.

Do you know who Nick Tyo is? No, I'm old.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Ding-Dong the Bitch is Dead

ANTM recap time.

This week's lesson was about getting catalogue clothes to look good. My buddy Mackey was the winner. She's so adorable and weird.

Then everyone decided to pick on Marjorie 'cause "she's so negative". No dumbasses, she's French and a realist.

Anyway, it was a pretty awesome photo shoot. The chicks were portraying natural disasters while dressed in mod 1960's style. I love love love that fashion period. Almost decided to use that as my Halloween costume. But I'm poor, so I'm fashioning an outfit from stuff I already have, I'm going as a lusty wench to my sexy beast's pirate.

Sam the Ham got best photo of the week for her rendition of a tidal wave. She's model material as long as she doesn't open her idiotic mouth. Finally Clark the bitchface was shit canned. PAR-TAY!

Stay tuned for more insanity.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Happy Meme Day

It's Monday Meme Day, brought to you by Please to enjoy.

1) Why do we give people hugs? Because I'm Italian, they would take away my ethnic heritage if I didn't.

2) When have you most shocked yourself? Ummm... I stuck my hand in a fish tank once and I kept getting zapped. : ) The first time I asked a guy on a date. I was 17 and had gone from ugly duckling to a reasonably attractive teenager. He said yes.

3) Where would you consider constructing a small altar in your house or yard? Only if I could sacrifice goats. That's sarcasm, peeps! So the answer is no.

4) If you could change one thing about your typical day, what would you change? I'm independently wealthy and only going to work 'cause it's fun.

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. Again I apologize for my lameness and ineptitude when it comes to computers, so no picture is featured. It's a an electrical socket: My first thought is: What would happen if I licked it?

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Work it like the Rent is Due!

Wed recap day!

Episode 4 is usually dedicated to teaching the hamsters how to perfect their runway walks. It's always hilarious and this episode did not disappoint!

The challenge was to walk in an actual fashion show by this really scary dude w/ a chemo therapy haircut. (Seriously who's gonna go their hair stylist and say "Just shave off wherever. Don't worry about making it look even. I wanna look like I escaped from a mental institution.") First ever elimination before judging! Hannah was kicked to the curb for her atrocious wind up doll on speed Gestapo agent walk. The winner was Joselyn, who sorta kinda reminds me of Season 6 winner Danielle.

Onto the photo shoot which was inspired by Tyra Banks's wanna be avantguarde imagination. The chicks had to pose in a jacuzzi with just their eyes and nose exposed. Whatever.

During judging Tyra announced someone else would be getting their walking papers. Wowie wow double elimination! The best of the bunch was douche bag Clark. Ugh I hate her, she's merely conventionally attractive and such an asshole. And our tranny-licious season is over as Isis tossed out of the competition.

And the group is getting smaller. More insanity next week.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Who's got the Crack?

I have a little spring in my step, which quite strange as I have a head cold that won't quit and had a looooooonnnnnnggg ass day at work. I owe it all to Ms. Kimya Dawson. Like most Americans I never listened to her or many other projects (Moldy Peaches, Antsy Pants, until the Juno soundtrack came out. (see an older post re: Michael Sera) She's quirky and smart and complicated. I admire her song writing style, they may sound like nursery rhymes but they are so textured and full of joy, pain, angst and everything in between. She's kinda like that kid you went to high school with that completely off beat and reveled in it.

You know what else I love about Kimya, she's totally not a conventional beauty, however, there's something haunting and graceful about her. Plus, she has the world's chubbiest, happiest baby named Panda.

I'm kicking myself for not going to her show to support The Albany New School but as I remember, I was running on empty that particular week and I had already spent my hard earned bucks on going to a screening of the Joe Strummer documentary. Joe is number one in my book. Please keep yr eyes peeled for an upcoming Clash post. Not to mention the show was mid-week. Kimya please I'm an old lady that has to work for a living, keep yr shows limited to the weekends.

Gotta go and finish off my day w/ a bottle of Nyquil.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Curious as an Armadillo

I'm gonna designate my first post of the week to memes. This one comes from, just 'cause I like the name.

1) What is the single most important ingredient for a spiritual life? Hmmm..... I not that this says spiritual and not religious. Good choice of words. I think it would be the ability to tune out all the bullshit around you and really listen to yr inner voice. God I hope that doesn't sound too "Earth Mother".

2) Who is the person you know with the freest spirit? My lovely friend Rachele, please check her and her new groom out at

3) How does it make you feel when you hear people argue? Depends. If it's Boyfriend's white trash neighbours, it's pretty god damn hilarious. If it's people I am emotionally tied to, then I feel very uncomfortable.

4) What one thing would you give to each of your ex-lovers? Huh, that's a very funny question if you know the intimate details of my sex life. Gonna keep mum that one : )

5) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. OK so this is totally lame 'cause I couldn't paste the photo over here, so I have to be real low rent and describe the photo. Here goes: it was a fork w/ spinach, tomato and I think salmon on a clean white plate. First thought is "Yuck I hate salmon!"

By the by, I did not plan any romance yesterday as I had an awful head cold.

Thursday, September 25, 2008


Quick, whomever is reading this! Boyfriend comes home from PA on Sunday and I want to surprise him w/ a romantic sumpin sumpin. Ideas anyone?

It's Scary 'Cause it's True

I am a huge huge fan of dystopian literature. It appeals to my pessimistic nature, sometimes I prefer to see the big grey cloud instead of the happy silver lining.

Children of Men fast became one of my top 10 movies ever. Clive Owen is superb and don't get me started on Julianne Moore 'cause this post would never end. The basic plot is man the species has become extinct and England is totalitarian government. The stark visuals are unbelievable. And there's a hat trick; director Alfonso Cuaron wanted an animal every scene, watch for it.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the awesome film was based on a novel by P.D. James. The book is different from the film but it's an amazing story. Ms. James (I'm being formal 'cause I don't know her first name) is a challenging writer, though the story takes place some years in the future, the writing feels Victorian almost. My fave scene in the novel happens when all the middle aged ladies with time on their hands from not being able to fuss over grandchildren, start treating china dolls like babies. One tweed clad woman comes up to the other and takes the doll and smashes it against the wall. Greatness, indeed.

Boyfriend liked the movie because there is a chick holding her severed arm.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Don't Make me Under

Wed= Top Model recap! woo to the hoo.

Week three is generally my fave as it's makeover week. This season had a twist, the contestants did not know what kind of hair cut they would be receiving and all the mirrors in the salon were covered up and/or removed. Marjorie, Mackey and Samantha all turned out fab. However, Elina the bisexual, black pants wearing, Angelina Jolie worshiping, (Really? that's yr idol? ooooookkkkkkkk) pseudo intellectual turkey brain got a horrible horrible curly red weave. She looks like the love child of Farrah Fawcett and Ronald McDonald.

For the challenge, the chicks had to embarrass themselves by making a mock 30 second improvised Cover Girl commercial. Again I praise the gods of Tivo. Hannah won because of her "aw shucks" cuteness.

This weeks photo shoot was the hamsters posing in bathing suits w/out the help of the tanned piece of luggage, I mean Jay Manual photo stylist or something. The dude is orange, I cannot concentrate when he's on screen. Anyway! Assisting this week was Susan Whatsherface, retired model and "designer". She did little in helping the girls perform better. Best of the week was Elina, who totally lied and said she was embracing her new look. I disagree, but what the hell do I know, I'm 15 lbs overweight and barely 5'1". Sent packing was Britney because she was pretty and not edgy. Fickle gods of fate!

Hmmmm..... dripping in sarcasm, that's the charm of me.

Monday, September 22, 2008

writer's block

I am a writer. I love language, words, syntax. I love all of it, I get excited when I open a book.

So why am I stuck on my story? It's been in the same place for a long ass time. I added a few sentences last night but it doesn't feel done. I decided to switch gears and work on something new. I have the story in my head but it doesn't want to come.

Please I need help. Any suggestions for getting my creative mind working again or if anyone knows any writers' groups in the Albany, Schenectady, Troy region I would really appreciate it.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

stolen idea

I have just come back from a long wedding weekend. I spying this at who got it from Let the fun begin!

My favorite age: 32
My best friend: Cris
My celebrity crush: heehee. honestly, Peter Sellers or Hugh Jackman or Moby.
My defining characteristic: boobs or eyes, depends on who you ask. personality trait, nerdiness
My most evil moment: I don't have an evil bone in my body : )
My favorite food: wow, that's a toughie! right now, I'm thinking BLT on rye with avocado
My grossest injury: I ripped off my middle finger nail in door.
My biggest hatred: Intolerant idiots and children they carelessly breed.
My most illegal activity: Too embarrassing to mention.
My need for justice: Scumbags that harm children or animals. sheesh I really am a girly girl!
My most knowledgeable field: Meaningless trivia. Come on use me as a ringer on Trivia Night.
My life's goal: Get published and live on a beach.
My mother's influence: Dammit I'm a good cook w/ strong convictions.
My nerdiest point: Are you kidding me? Since birth.
My oldest memory: Crying in my crib, I wanted to be held. I got what I wanted.
My perfect date: Drinks, dinner, good conversation.
My unanswered question: How hot will I look in the afterlife?
My random fact: I never make my bed.
My stupidest decision: Not getting into case management sooner.
My favorite television show: A 3 way tie of The Simpsons, Family Guy and Metalocalypse. Hmmm..... sensing a theme here.
My style of underwear: Well since I buy underwear when I'm depressed, I have a variety. Current fave, hot pink lace thongs.
My favorite vegetable: Soybeans, yumma yumma yumma.
My weakest trait: I have no god damned patience!
My X-men power: Force field or invisibility. That way I could drive like an utter asshole and just bounce off of the other cars.
My strongest yearning: Professional writer.
My moment of Zen: Saturday morning laying in bed with boyfriend, the day a limitless possibility.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Ladder to Nowhere

It's Wednesday, time for Top Model recap!

Self edit: my mistake folks, this year there is a twist, there are 14 "chosen ones". Not 13 as I had originally posted.

This week, there was weird ass "yr a racist, no I'm not" argument. blahblahblah who cares? Benny Ninja, of the House of Ninja (see Paris is Burning to understand), taught the ladies about extreme posing. They had a pose off, of which I did not watch (ah! the wonders of Tivo, sorry but I couldn't sit through that humiliation) and Elina was the wiener. whoopee do.

The photo shoot (yay!) had the chicks dressed in couture gowns posing on a ladder, which was later CGI'd onto a hot air balloon. There were good times and lame times.

*drum roll* The top photo for the week belongs to...... Lauren Brie. huh? who? LB is a blonde bland face in the crowd. And going home is Nikeysha the blabbermouth, seriously that chick couldn't stop talking.

All in all, a so-so episode. 12 plastic broads remain!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Pucker Up, Buttercup!

I will not be modest, I can say unabashedly I have perfect kissing lips. Soft, puckery and Cupid-like. Plus there's the fact that I'm an A+ smoocher. That's not bragging, folks, it's a fact.

To keep my lips at their kissable best, I swear by a favourite, awesome product, Sexy Motherpucker. Brought to you by the awesome peeps at Soap & Glory and available at all Target stores (all hail Target!), this handy dandy lip potion is 50 kinds of awesome in one compact tube.

First of all there's the brilliant retro 50's packaging, if I lose 15 lbs now I have my Halloween costume.

Second, it's a lip enhancer not just a gloss. You apply, wait 30 seconds and then a pleasant tingling sensation occurs. My friend asked me what causes the tingles and honestly I don't know. I don't think it cause cancer....

Third, it smells like Tootsie Rolls, how can you not love a product that smells like cheap penny candy?

It comes several colour options, creamy coffee, melon and clear w/ a hint of sparkles. My sexy beast always ends up w/ more sparkle on him than me.

See I told ya, I was doing something right

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

America's Next Top Pretend Model

I blame my friend Lydia, I went to visit her in Seattle in 2004 and on a Wednesday night she said "I hope you don't mind, I like to watch Top Model." I had no idea this show existed and now it has become my guilty pleasure. Like most reality competition shows, ANTM chooses it's winners not based on how well they model but for who knows why, for some inexplicable reason they always eliminate the tallest, most attractive women first. My favourite reason for trimming the fat is the "no personality" model, say what? Tyra, you were a working model once, face it, most models are completely devoid of any personality.

I have decided every Wednesday I will be providing my canny insight on the show. For a more thorough and groin grabbingly hilarious recap, please check out the lovely and talented Potes at

My analysis of the 2 hour season premiere goes like this: there were semi-finalists, there were finalists and then there were the chosen 13. As per usual, only one or two women will stick out in my mind and they usually don't win. (But who cares. The chicks they dump actually get real work. Like Queen Elizabeth, the title is merely for show.) The premise of the photo shoot, the best part!, was sexily portraying hot button political issues. The best hamster of the bunch was Marjorie. She's a quirky white blonde French immigrant, she's weird/pretty. I give her 5 more episodes before "her nerves get the better of her". Shauvon the asshole got the boot. She was narrow minded jerk off, bitchily snarking at Isis, the 1st transgendered contestant.

Good luck, bitches!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Dream State

I haven't felt like writing. Which is ironic since my dream is to become a successful published writer. I blame on the fact that I had too much time on my hands this summer. Now it's back to writing everyday, doing exercises, journaling.

I took my boyfriend out to breakfast/lunch a few weekends ago (and no it was not brunch, he ate breakfast and I ate lunch) to one of our favourite diners, The Gateway. He tucked into corned beef hash and runny sunny side up eggs with a BIG cup of coffee. I had perfect French Fries. *drool drool*

On the drive home, I had remembered that long ago, I had a crazy idea for a book. I would go across country reviewing diners and local points of interest. (e.g. slice of cherry pie and the world's biggest ball of twine. side note: where is the world's biggest ball of twine?) At the time I quickly dismissed this wacky notion but now I think it could be a truly awesome coffee table book.

If only I could get motivated about writing....

Thursday, August 28, 2008

5 People I'd have a Beer With

My dear friend Matt of the funny and well written blog challenged me to answer this question of whom I would kick back some suds with, living, dead or fictional. I never back down from any man, so here goes:

1. I would love to have some one on one time w/ A.M. Homes, she's a fascinating writer and so little is known about her. From what I've read in her memoir The Mistress' Daughter, I can see why she shies away from the general public.

2. Jeff Buckley, he died too young but left 3 fabulous CD's behind. His songs have great imagery and he has real flair for titles and wonderful sense of humour. I bought Grace a few months before he drowned in the Mississippi river.

3. Another dead guy, Peter Sellers, how fucking funny would he be at the bar. All his characters and wonderful improvisation. Plus I would totally sleep w/ him. Not know of course, that's just gross.

4. I am madly in love with the book The Whores on the Hill, mainly because of the character of Astrid, as she is puts it "we are young and out for glory". And also because I condone underage drinking.

5. Last and certainly not least, Margaret Cho. Now I know she no longer drinks but I adore her and weirdly enough I think I have alot in common w/ Ms. Cho. Though that just may be fan wanking.

The gauntlet has been thrown Matt!

Monday, August 25, 2008

Oh Bother!

One of my favourite Walt Whitman quotes is "Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes." Right on, Walt! I consider being contrary a charming aspect of my personality. Please note I did not use the word "hypocritical", there is a world of difference.

My point is, and I do have one, I detest honey. It's vile bee vomit as far as I'm concerned. However, I use honey shampoo and conditioner, honey glycerin soap (both made by The Body Shop) and honey and orange peel body lotion (Burt's Bees). What gives, you may ask? I have no earthly idea, the shit works good.

And this from a woman that spent 20 minutes trying to open an organic lime soda juice thing, only to be revolted and threw it out because it tasted GOD DAMNED HONEY. *shudder* shock horror vomit.

I live you with another ode to Mr. Whitman via Homer J. Simpson "Damn you Walt freakin' Whitman. Leaves of Grass, my ass!"

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Summertime Blues

*SIGH* Summer is almost over. I can't help but get the blues when August starts winding down. I guess I never fully got over that impending doom of returning to school. But I take some comfort in the "Gather ye rosebuds, while ye may." sentiment. I forgot which immortal poet penned those lines but right on, bro.

Summer is my fave season, long sunny days, diving into cold water, walking around barefooted. That weird feeling that the possibilities are endless before the cold harsh winter envelopes me fully too quickly and for too long.

Who knows maybe this winter will be different, I've been thinking of getting in touch w/ my underdeveloped artsy craftsy side. Generation T people and I'll leave it at that.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Pho Me!

I had the prilevedge of going out to dinner w/ my sexy beast recently. We have this weird bad luck thing following us when we attempt to go out for Vietnamese food. We've gone to the wrong restaurant, they've been closed for 2 weeks cause of Independence Day (you figure that one out!), etc.

In my humble opinion, the best of all Asian foods comes from Vietnam. So we finally manage to get there after 3 long months of being Vietnamese-less. Oh boy it was worth the wait! I had the fresh Summer Rolls, diced tofu, cucumber, scallions and bean sprouts stuffed in rice paper (it turns clear when you heat it!) followed by the beef eye round pho. Pho is pronounced fuh for all you Vietnamese neophytes and is a delicious stew like concoction of broth, meat, lime, bean sprouts, scallions, hot sauce and cilantro. Holy God mouth orgasms for days! Sexy Beast is addicted to the coffee, I can't really describe it but it's strong and sweet all at the same time.

Hmmm.... maybe in another 3 months I'll get to go there again barring famine, flood and pestulence.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Who Me

I am obsessed with all things Doctor Who, except for the crappy spin-offs! My obsession began late one night at my aunt and uncle's house. I was sleep walking, my aunt had on PBS (as she was apt to do as she was British and cultured) and I vividly recall a commercial for Doctor Who, showcasing Doctors 3, 4 and 5, with the tag line "Who's Doctor Who?". I was immediately sucked in, yes yes who was this mysterious man? Then I knew, it was the tall guy with the big nose and long multicoloured scarf. (the lovely and talented actor Tom Baker whom I have non-sexual crush on)

For those of you not in the loop, the premise of the show is that ubiquitous Doctor is a Time Lord, one who can travel in time and space with the help of his craft, and gets into all sorts of adventures. Theactor who played the first Doctor did feel like being a part of the show after three years, the show was a huge success and not wanting to end it so quickly, invented the power of regeneration for The Doctor. Pretty clever way of keeping the show running actually.

The show began in 1963 and I really dig the cheesiness of the costumes, sets and the scriptwriters' ideas of what Earth life would be like in the future.

To my complete and utter delight, the show was relaunched in 2005 after a 16 year absence. I adore the new improved Doctor, esp. that handsome devil David Tennant, the actor playing The Doctor. *swoon*

I live you with this: Exterminate! Exterminate!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

I am 32 years old. I will be 33 in October. I often get mistaken for looking much younger than my almost 33 years. This doesn't bother at all anymore. However, when I was shopping for a strapless bra for my college graduation and the saleswoman told me to have a nice prom, I wanted to jump behind the register and kick her in the throat.

I'll get to the point. I love the Mr. Men and Little Miss books of my youth. It's a wonderfully written series by British children's novelist Roger Hargreaves. Lots of Brit slang and a sweet short stories. My love become reignited when my oldest niece ZoZo Beans began digging through a box of my old stuff I have stored at my parents.

You couldn't believe my excitement when I discovered Cartoon Network was premiering The Mr. Men Show. I have Tifauxed all the episodes and then recap them in great length with ZoZo Beans. The animators did take some liberties by renaming characters, inventing new ones, etc. but it's funny, well written and entertaining.

Well I'm off to try on my Miss Chatterbox T-shirt. It makes my boobs look nice.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Zombie: Eat Flesh!

Well my friends, it's only the second full week of August and I'm already booking stuff in September. This weekend my sexy beast and I took full advantage of not doing anything at all. Our weekend was basically 2 1/2 days of a Seinfeld episode, it was fun but nothing really happened.

In our quest of becoming artfully lazy, we watched aprox. 30 movies back to back. My sexy beast is a bit of a horror geek so I soaked in the brilliance of Dawn of the Dead. People, this is a beauty. The basic plot is zombies take over the world and 4 humans take refuge in a shopping center. Not only does this mall have a gun store and a helicopter pad but an ice skating rink! Plus the usual melange of exploding heads and limbs getting devoured.

But what director George A. Romero was really doing was making a clever comment about consumer consumption and the way the human race eats itself.

Good stuff. *Viewer advisory: do not watch on a full stomach*

Monday, August 4, 2008

Ms. Green Jeans

UGH! I have been stress eating from my job. So I decided to put down the fork and use retail therapy instead. My mood somewhat abated when I saved 15 bucks at The Body Shop.

I adore the Body Shop, the sights, the smells, the deals, the fact that they donate large sums of money to worthy causes, like AIDS and breast cancer research, animal rights and anti- violence against women groups.

Being in the mopey mood that I was, I let the salesgirl talk me into lots o' different things I didn't realize I needed. Honestly, I only went in there for my 20% off towards shampoo, conditioner and powdered makeup. But to earn more points on my Love Yr Body membership card, I needed to purchase more stuff. Like Hemp Hand Conditioner, it makes yr hands feel like in they are in velvet gloves, Juicy Peach Hi-Shine Lip Treatment, now my lips are shiny, soft and taste like Snapple Pea Ice Tea (good for smooching!) and Tea Tree Oil Deep Cleansing Wipes, I am lazy, they named the lazy Susan after me, when I get ready for bed I don't feel like tying up my hair, running the water and manually washing my face. Thanks to The Body Shop, I can clean my face in quick swipe with a wipe.

My advice: go now, lots of summer promotions!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Are there Margaret? it's me Sue.

I don't think I can ever forgive Canada for giving us Loverboy, Alanis Morrisette and back bacon. It's ham for god sakes! But I can give our neighbors to the north a big break when it comes to my favourite author, Margaret Atwood.

How do I love Margaret, let me count the ways:

1. She's a raging feminist, always writing provocative tales of no nonsense women who are smart, creative and sexual.

2. She's freakin' brilliant! Ms. Atwood has a background in biology, she's been speaking for the environment long before the immediate crisis has slapped the world in the face.

3. It's all in the title and she is the master of great book titles. As long as I have been writing, I've always struggled with titling my pieces. I had a writing instructor once told me the title sums up your story in concise way. Oh the pressure!

For a good time, check out Oryx & Crake, The Handmaid's Tale, Cat's Eye, The Robber Bride and The Blind Assassin. Watch out for her cryptic endings, they make you crave her writing more.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The Big Mango

On Friday I had the good fortune (sorta) to go to NYC w/ a client for an appointment at Mt. Sinai.

I live in upstate NY and was pleasantly surprised to find that taking the train in from Croton-on-Hudson was fairly easy..... and cheap! It was only $7.50 to get to Grand Central Station and 6 measly bucks to park all day at the station lot.

Oh the sightseeing! First there was the NY Public Library and my long time obsession of Library Hotel, an unusual hotel that arranges their rooms by the Dewey Decimal System. In my fantasies I pretend I live at Library.

Then the cab cut through Central Park, you couldn't ask for better people watching on such a beautiful summer day.

Next up Madison Ave. and every store I cannot afford to even window shop at, squee Betsy Johnson!

Finally a nice walk up 5th Ave outside Central Park and down Museum Mile. It took every ounce of strength I have not to go rushing into the Guggenheim.

Hmmm...... I have a whole weekend free in August and I never did get to check out The Pink Pussycat.