Friday, October 30, 2009
And overly blonde Erin is still bitching that my homie Nicole won best photo last week. Suck it up, ya spaz!
For the challenge, the chicks had to interview the latest nymphette from the newly revamped (and totally sucky!) TV show 90210. Heh, remember when Jason Priestly was on SNL about 15 years ago? Ah, the parodies! Anyways... Oh, no! What happened? The tele-prompter conked out on the chicks a few minutes into the interview. And the chicks were forced to improv questions to the slutty actress. Ha! Nicole asked the whore if she had ever been knocked up. Nice! Snot faced Erin won. Blechy.
So instead of having a photo shoot, the hamsters had to write their own lines for 30 second Cover Girl spot. Curses, we have no Tivo! It was every bit horrendous as you can imagine. Winning commericial went to Lazy Eye Jennifer. 'cause she bubbles. Well, she makes me gassy. So, brava, Jennifer, brava. And packing it in is Rae, because she's boring. Huh? Why do they always eliminate the pretty ones 1st?
Next week: the chicks are a-travelin'!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sexybeast was my expert as he has 2 tattoos and we had been having discussions about the design I wanted. Tattoos are forever and I didn't want a flaming skull or Kermit the Frog playing a banjo. I wanted something pretty but not sappy, something that had meaning to me. Aha! Lily of the valley! It's one of my favourite flowers and Lily in Latin translates to Susan. I am such a fucking egomaniac.
The tattoo artist was pretty smoking hot which helped infinitely. We listened to Metallica, Sexybeast held my hand and we bullshitted. Here's the truth, getting a tattoo really fucking HURTS. It felt like the needle was digging into my foot bone. I concentrated on my breathing and it helped slightly.
3 days of daily Advil, keeping Lily covered whilst wearing my shoes during the day and keeping it lightly lubed and air at night and I'm healed. I'm walking art. I'm a sex bomb.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I started off w/ the light stuff, Skid Row, Extreme, Kik Tracee. Heavy on the pretty and cheese factor. When I began my love affair w/ angst, the music I loved grew darker and more complex, Voivod, Pantera, Danzig.
My enthusiasm for metal waned over time. It was something I looked upon w/ embarrassed fondness.
Then I met Sexybeast, a metal fanatic (though to be fair he loves Tom Waits and The Beatles too!). Being around each other, I was re-introduced into something I thought was long dead inside of me.
This past Saturday, I had the privilege of seeing Type O Negative. Self described as "goth-adelic", these boys are moody, hate filled creatures of the night. But the melodies, the lyrics! I was back in my 18 year old mind and it was GOOD. Having conquered many personal demons (and a serious cocaine addiction), Peter Steele sang every word w/a beautiful anguish that he has not been able to manage in many years.
On Sunday, we saw a double header of Mastodon, a weirdly multi-faceted band, that writes all concept albums. They performed Crack the Skye in it's entirety against the back drop of short film that followed the story. They really are visual band. I really couldn't explain the story, check Wikipedia, but it involves astral projection and Rasputin.
Many of you know my love of the one of the funniest adult cartoons in human existence, Metalocalypse. OMG! OMG! OMG! They were so fucking awesome!! They performed my fave song "Murmaider", a song about mermaid murder. Brutal! Essentially, the real band played on stage while Dethklok performed on a big screen behind them.
I had a rockin' weekend. How ' bout you?
Monday, October 26, 2009
How do you define honesty? I hate idiotic questions like this.
What is the main thing that makes you unique? IDK. My genetic code.
What is your biggest fear or worry? I don't have enough money, I'm a failure, my insecurity will be my downfall.
Jesus, this batch of questions really sucked ass!
1) What genre of movies do you prefer? Independent or documentary.
2) If you could have overheard a specific conversation between any two people, what would it be? The Executive Director and Program Supervisor of the non-profit I was supposed to have a 2nd interview w/ and they deemed me unworthy to be speak w/ based on my writing sample. "The quality just isn't there." I felt like telling her I was recently published.
3) What behavior do you think is the most common but rudest? Interrupting. Don't do it if you value yr life!
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Bored now"
Saturday, October 24, 2009
On w/ the Top Model recap!
Kara, whom I think looks like a dude, was trash talking my weirdo and fellow red headed sister, Nicole. Kara, Nicole is more attractive than you and you suck. So there!
The chicks were divided into pairs and had to drive around the greater Los Angeles area for go-sees and a casting call. Rae, the under aged mom, drives likes a 70 y/o grandpa. Hi-larity ensued and some of the chicks were disqualified for being late getting back to the designated meeting area. And the big wiener was my bitch Nicole!!!!! In ya' manly lookin' face, Kara! Nicole won a rack of clothes from all the designers she goed and seed. And back at the house of hamsters, Kara and her lackey complain loudly that the Nicole win was not deserved. Gee, sour grapes much?
For the photo shoot, the hamsters were put into harnesses and given martial arts weapons. Lots of complaining about raw chaffed lady bits. Y-IPES! And the winning photo of the week went to Nicole. Yeah, she looked totally bad ass w/ her samurai sword. And getting kicked to the curb this week was Kara. Revenge is dish best served cold!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! You see, Kara, when you act like a butthole, you get it back twofold.
Next week: stupid ass Cover Girl commercial.
Friday, October 23, 2009
My birthday was Oct. 21st. I'm a birthday brat. I love love love celebrating the day my mother pushed me out into the world .
We started my birthday week off at my parent's house for dinner this past Saturday. Shepherd's pie and chocolate cream pie. Our friend Lynch joined us. I got some pretty kick ass presents too: money, new sheets for our new bedroom (Sexybeast's ex had horrible taste), wall stickie art (big decorative sticker-like doodads) and mom took some of my many postcards I have collected and framed a few of them. And a I won a 2 dollar scratch off. Wooty woo!
And just when you think it couldn't get anymore awesomer, on the 21st we had our big staff meeting and I brought cupcakes that mom made special for me: chocolate cherry, chocolate chip & carrot cake. And that evening we went to Wolff's Biergarten for fantastic German food and my free birthday beer in a glass boot. 3 litres of Oktoberfest. My lovely dovely friend AlbanyJane of http://albanyeats.blogspot.com and her very nice husband AlbanyJohn came a-callin'. Yeah, blogger solidarity!! There is mac n' cheese in yr future! And go check out her blog, awesome stuff, y'all. And Senor Lynch dropped by and an old dear friend, Aaron. I had some nummy knockwurst, red cabbage (instead of farty sauerkraut) and German smashed potatoes. DROOL DROOL DROOL. Cash only, peeps. And so worth it too.
During the course of drinking my boot, I got pretty hammered. I ate some free spaetzel w/ gravy. And 3/4 of the way through, I threw in the boot. Not literally, there's a $40 deposit fee. And unfortunately, as we approached the final miles to our new home, I booted on the door of Sexybeast's truck. He was not happy!
All in all, 34 is gonna be a good year. Thanks to all the wishes and to my friends that helped me party down on my special day.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Be back tomorrow w/ Top Model recap. I'm behind w/ Top Chef as I no longer have cable and it's not on hulu.
Monday, October 19, 2009
1) Among all your childhood friends, who had the parents everyone wanted to have? I don't think anybody had the cool parents.
2) Do you have relatives nearby? Or do you have to travel a ways to see family? My older brother is in Boston. My parents and oldest brother live close to me. My grandmother is no longer on this spiritual plane, not sure when we will meet again.
3) Are you a saver or a spender? I'm cheap but I go on sprees. That's the charm of me!
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "It's my birthday! My ba-ba birthday!"
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
If I seem like a grumpy bitch next month. it's just because I'm a grumpy bitch that's struggling to complete a novel in a month.
Wish me luck!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
And let the parade of humiliation begin! The hamsters had to perform their own choreographed dance to convey 3 distinct emotions: happiness, sadness and anger, in groups of 3. It took me hours to regain my sensibilities. Did I mention these dances were in public? Oy ve!
And keeping on w/ the group theme, the hamsters had to pose on "trapeze" w/ cirque du soliel chicks in groups of 3. And getting das boot is Ashley for not be able to do jack shit when posing.
8 bitches remain!
For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants were greeted by my former crush, Tyler Florence. I used to think he was the be all, end all. I have no idea why, he's very frat boy-esque. Then he started featuring Tyler Florence meals at Crapplebee's. WHY? You shameless, whore!!! And can we talk about the monstrosity that Padma was wearing? A LIME GREEN JUMPSUIT!!!! She looked like one of Cher's back up singers circa 1978. Anyways, the Quickfire was an interesting concept, the cheftestants had to pull the lever on a slot machine (I GET IT ALREADY! They're in Vegas!) to randomly select a mood, a flavour and a type of cuisine. Fun! Sucking it big time were Robin and her hot curry mess that was neither "stressed, unami nor Middle Eastern" and Jen for being boring instead of "adventurous, cheesy and American". The big winner was Kevin and his grilled pork and Vietnamese salad that was "stressed, spicy and Asian" Instead of opting for immunity, Kevin chose to take 15 grand in cash instead. Very admirable. He's a great chef, he can stand by his food.
For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants had to cook a family style dinner for an illustrious bunch o' chefs in pairs using an illustrious chef's bag o' mystery ingredients. And getting the big win was Jen for making an outstanding broth for Kobe beef. Jen seems really wooden and I suspect she's been dipping into the botox. Eh, I just can't warm up to her. And packing their knives was Ashley for taking the wrap for douche bag Eli over salting her gnocchi. Oh yeah and she also under cooked her spot prawns. FOUL! Ash should have been sent home for riding the coat tails of his partner.
The ladies are dropping like flies....
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I had an ass ton of flex time to use this pay period, so Friday I went to the office for an hour. Then dropped by a wake of one of my favourite clients. It was a completely unexpected death. And now I have another client in the hospital. I honestly don't know how much longer I will be able to work for AIDS Services any longer.
Sexybeast and I had lunch at the new house for the 1st time ever while the cable guy came to set up our modem for the high speed interwebs.
And if I hadn't been on the weirdest, stupidest job interview of my life, we would have been able to get on the road earlier to get to my brother's house in Medford, MA. There were 3 accidents on The Pike, 2 hours worth of idiots rubber necking and LOTS of breaking. Seriously!!! What the fuck, Massholes? You never break on the interstate, that's how accidents happen. Needless to say, we did not arrive until a little after 10 pm after beginning our journey at 4:45. And it's only a 3 hour drive.
But going to IKEA more than made up for the shitty drive. IKEA. IKEA, I love you!!! We got a great wooden silverware organizer, a simple Swedish plastic napkin holder and the best, a thick, heavy wooden GIGANTIC cutting board w/ blood catcher AND and and if you flip the board, it has a hook to clip onto the counter top for non-slippage. Now, normally I would not entertain thoughts of eating at IKEA cafeteria. I have weird visions of expiring milk and bologna sandwiches. But boy, I was sadly mistaken. What a great eatery!! I had meatballs w/ penne and marinara sauce and steamed veggies. Sticking to the diet. Sexybeast had the roast chicken and gravy fries. It was a half a chicken!!! The seasoning was nice and the fries were crisp.
Because the boys (my bro bro and Sexybeast) hate shopping we compensated by going to Castle Island by Logan Airport. I had on my sexy black hooker boots which was a poor choice for walking long distances. I took off the boots and walked in my stocking feets. My niece and nephew ran around, played on the swings while the rest of us got knocked over by the wind. On the way back to the cars I realized, I locked my keys in my trunk. Along w/ my phone. Can't get much safer than that. Thank God for Geico Road Side Assistance. They used a blood pressure cuff to open the car door. Don't that beat all?
The net day we went to The Fells for hike. Sexybeast pretended to be a panther and scared the kids.
For lunch, we went to Yangste for the weekend buffet and DIM SUM. For whatever reason, the dim sum was heavy on the shrimps. Everything had shrimps in it; shrimp balls, shrimp and corn balls and shrimp and pork balls. I had sticky rice wrapped in some sort of leaf, sweet pork buns and diced marinated pork ribs. I also really hate buffets but this one is exceptional. The food is plentiful and very warm. If yr ever in Arlington Center, go to Yangste. It will not disappoint.
And of course, we had a obligatory stop at Trader Joe's. Chili dusted mangoes are my new fave snack.
Monday night, it was official. We spent our 1st night at the new house.
Pictures in another post.
Monday, October 12, 2009
In no particular order:
10. "You know what you are" by Ministry on "Land of Rape & Honey" CD #2 in my car stereo
9. "Television Man" by Man or Astroman? A David Byrne cover
8. "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?" by REM Big big sound
7. "Honey White" by Morphine on Yes. I was privledged enough to see them live before Mark Sandman unexpectedly passed away a few years ago.
6. "Sure Shot" by The Beastie Boys 'Ah yes indeed, it's fun time!'
5. "Around the World" by Red Hot Chili Peppers Part of the stupid private joke betwixt Sexybeast and myself
4. "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey It's always on the radio
3. "Reelin' in the Years" by Steely Dan Fucking clever writing
2. "Frontier Psychiatry" I'm crazy in the coconut
1. "Water Music" by Handel It was baroque-athon on the classical station
1) Are you an early bird or a night owl? I like the night life. I like to boogie.
2) Have you ever blown up at a stranger? Yes. Mostly because I'm an angry driver,
3) Are you a good parent? What qualities make a good parent? I'm not a parent. I have no intentions of ever becoming one. I am a kick ass aunt though because I think toys and candy are the corner stone of living a good life.
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Rocky Mountain high!"
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Wed Top Model recap, wenches!
For the dumb ass challenge, the hamsters went to Mall Wart and met up w/ hottie judge and photog and former model Nigel Barker and his semi-attractive wife Crissy. The chicks have to get through a timed race/obstacle course/musical chairs type thing. They had to run from station to station to create the perfect model look. The wiener gets an on-line Cover Girl ad on mallwart.com and $1000 Mall Wart gift card. This reminds of an old co-worker that was completely out of touch w/ anything modern. Every year for X-mas he would buy his nephews (aged 10 & 12) 25 dollar gift cards to Mall Wart. C'mon, dumbass, no kid wants that when there's a fucking Best Buy across the street! This was the same guy that used to complain about gas prices and he lived 5 minutes from work and never really went anywhere. But I digress. Mall Wart sucks! OK, I'm done now. I promise. So Erin, one of the uber blonde hamsters, decided she wanted to play dirty and whilst running down an aisle grabbed the arm of one of the other hamsters and pulled her back so she could run faster to the next station. Seriously? For a lame on-line ad? Then at the last station, Erin threw a different hamster's photo on the ground. Erin, you suck. But God had the last laugh as Erin, Sundai and Bianca end up in the final 3. And the winner is..... not Erin but Sundai! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
For the photo challenge, Tyra(nt) pretended to be a photographer. She had the hamsters pose in beauty shots w/ head scarfs. I think they all looked really stupid. Nobody can make that look work! Maybe Erika Badu. But she's a special lady!!! So Tyra(nt) and Mr. Fake Tan Jay picked the winning photo right away. Hmm. I think they'd do better to always do that. Best photo went to Brittany. She's a snobby bitch. Plus her photo had the scarf shielding her face. What? And getting das boot is Bianca. Cause she has dead eyes.
2 recaps next week, peeps! Watch out!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Really, the boys wanted to geek out and played some stupid game called Hero Scape. Whatever. I spent time w/ other wives and the new baby. I read Julie & Julia in a day and a half. I preferred the bits about Julia Child, Julie is really self-absorbed and annoying. My friend Melissa and I watched Gosford Park. Clive Owen!!! We had "cooking school" w/ Steph. I can now make the best mac n' cheese and oatmeal cookies.
We drank. We laughed. We sang along to classic rock.
Saturday night we sat on their over sized homemade picnic table and gorged ourselves on said mac n' cheese and a grilled pork loin. Which was Sexybeast's and mine contribution to the festivities. It was my gubmint special, an 8 lb loin for 18 bucks. We ate 4 lbs of it.
I also rediscovered the joys of the dollar store. I got a cool popcorn bowl for the new house. Guess how much I paid for it?
We left late morning to get back to the house to finish up the last of the cleaning. But we did stop for an early lunch at El Canelo for the 7.99 all you can eat lunch buffet. I had chili rellenos, chilaquiles, chicken fajitas, refried beans and a ton of other things. Normally, I stay away from buffets. I find the food to be of poor quality and then it sits there getting cold and congealed. If yr ever in Vernon, get thee to El Canelo.
After dinner, the moon was full and brightly coloured leaves on the trees looked so serene. And I felt like I finally fit in.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Do you read an actual print newspaper? If so, how often? Once a week I read the Metroland. It's a weekly free paper.
What is your main source of news? fark.com or Sexybeast.
Do you believe that it's possible for the media to be unbiased? Not in the U.S.
1) Have you ever been in a car accident? What happened? I have been in numerous car accidents. The 1st time, an old man was backing up out of a parking space and i ran into him. The 2nd time I drove off the road 'cause i was lighting incense. The 3rd time, i rear ended an SUV because the car in front of them stopped to let someone take at left at the light we were trying to get through. The 4th time, I slid on black ice into a parked car. I now have reoccurring nightmares about losing control of my car.
2) Have you ever been in a play? If so, do you remember any of your lines? In grade school and junior high. My fave was playing a psychic medium in the 8th grade.
3) How often do you go to the park? What do you usually there? In the summer, we go once a week. Fall/spring 2 times a month. For hiking and eating.
4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "You look gourd-geous!"
Sunday, October 4, 2009
So the gorgeous and talented Cheeks at http://alltheleatherkidswereloud.blogspot.com gave me this special and awesome award! I feel really honoured that you thought of me 1st. Thanks, lovey!
My mission upon receiving said award is to create a top 10 list of my choosing.
I'm a big geek and rely on others' wittiness to make me appear more so. And I present to you my Top 10 List of Favourite TV and Movie Quotes I Repeat Ad Nauseum:
10. "I don't know you! That's my purse!" -- Bobby Hill "King of the Hill" Ah, Bobby! He's such a clueless schmuck. He spent an entire episode kicking people in the junk. Comedy gold!
9. "A Royale w/ Cheese.." --Jules Winfield "Pulp Fiction" I don't even remember what a Quarter Pounder is anymore. When is the US gonna wake the fuck up and switch to the metric system?
8. "I am Batman!" --Sheldon Cooper "Big Bang Theory" I adore this show. All the stupid sci-fi and uber geeky references. SQUEE! Plus Jim Parsons, who plays Sheldon, is oh so fuckable. In this hi-larious epi, Sheldon is conjecturing about why Batman isn't a real super hero. "Anybody can do it!"
7. "I'm positively cuckoo for him!" --Holly Golightly "Breakfast at Tiffany's" Oh tragic and beautiful Audrey Hepburn trying to break it off w/ pre A-Team George Peppard.
6. "Give it on up to Homelessville!" -- Justin Timberlake "SNL" He was dressed as a cup of soup. Need I say more?
5. "Help. Police. Danger" -- Willy Wonka "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" One of the many great one liners in one of my all time fave movies ever of all time. Gene Wilder and his fucking dead pan delivery.
4. "You google too" --Willow Rosenburg "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Damn, Alyson Hannigan! You are too precious for words. Willow had so many great story arcs during "Buffy"'s TV reign. And secretly, I think I am Willow.
3. "I said no salt on the margarita! NO SALT!" --Milton Waddams "Office Space" I am the ultimate at imitating Milton. Don't even try.
2. "OK you big, funny gal. I'll be right back w/..... a hammock full of cake?" --Peter Griffin "Family Guy" At any given time, I will stop what I'm doing to watch "Family Guy". Peter isn't my favourite character but he's definitely the most fun to quote.
1. "Eat. My. Shorts" -- John Bender "The Breakfast Club" I even own socks w/ Judd Nelson's brooding face on them.
I must now pass the mantle of greatness onward. And I have to give it to Eternal List at http://theeternallist.blogspot.com. He's one of the most amazing and funny writers I know. And I simply adore him.
Thanks again everybody, for reading my crazy ass drivel.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My oldest brother turned 40 on Sept 10th and unfortunately the weekend SexyBeast and I went to our friends' wedding was when my brother had his big birthday celebration.
Out of my Catholic guilt, I said I would take the 4 of us out to dinner, his choice. After much hemming and hawing and trying to find a date that would work out for all parties involved. Christopher decided on Katrinella's on lower Madison Ave, right next to the venerable Lombardo's.
I am to understand Katrinella's is fairly new. It's a small dining room, maybe fits 35 people and has a gorgeous tin ceiling.
The beauty of this place is their specials menu. For the low price of 20 bucks, you get a 3 course meal. The birthday boy started off w/ pasta fagioli, Allie, my sister-in-law, went w/ the shrimp cocktail. Not being a shrimp eater, I wasn't sure if it was good looking shrimp. They looked hearty. Sexybeast got Italian wedding soup, upon which he added more grated Parmesean. I picked the Caprese salad, big beefsteak tomatoes w/ sliced fresh water mozerella and fresh basil. Best of all, I added the oil and balsamic vinegar at my discretion. Way to cut down on the calories.
The bread came fresh from the oven. I had teeny piece. SexyBeast attacked the dipping oil for the bread. It was comprised of olive oil, LOTS of garlic, prosciutto and balsamic vinegar.
For the entrees, Allie had veal sorrento, it looked like a pound of veal. My bro had chicken pasta thing. Sexybeast had lobster ravioli, it was gone in 5 seconds. I had Chicken Miguel, chicken breasts w/ melted mozerella served w/ penne, green peppers, olives and sun dried tomatoes and lovely red wine sauce. I made a happy plate : )
And for dessert, 3 of us had the mousse cake. DIVINE! Sexybeast had the tiramsu. YUM!
And you can't beat that for 20 bucks.