I am Chiquita Banana

Wed recap time, peeps!

So the hamsters are in Sao Paolo, Brazil. Very nice. I wouldn't mind going there. Maybe not right now w/ the Porky Flu flying around everywhere. And SexyBeast said to me "they're not really in Brazil, are they?" Uh, SexyBeast, this is Top Model. Not Top Liar Pants.

Anyways, for the challenge, the chicks had to learn the art of capoiera, a mixed martial arts dance type thing. So they practice in pairs and big chin Celia "accidently" kicks Aminat in the face. Wow! Misplaced anger fused w/ passive aggressive much? But the situation quickly goes nowhere. Thankfully. From there, the chicks have an imprompteau capoiera photo shoot. The winner gets 50 % more frames in their photo shoot and as an added surprise to the challenge, the winner gets to take away frames from another hamster. And the power goes to cute lil' freckly Fo and she steals from Teyona because she couldn't get over the fact that Teyona did not choose her to share in her prize last week. That's a really lame reason.

And can I just say that I really loved the theme of this week's photo shoot? The chicks were modern Carmen Mirandas, complete w/ the fruit and flower baskets on their heads. And make up artist Sutan totally fucking rules and I want him to be my gay boyfriend. Winning photo goes to my homie Allison. HURRAY! And going back to the U.S. via Par Avion is Danielle and her spoiled sucky attitude.

Next week: go see's!

I am a Girl of 100 Lists

It's very hot here in the NE and my brain is a bit fizzy. I stole this post from the awesome and gorgeous Amorous Rocker at http://amorouschick.blogspot.com. Please enjoy and play along if you like.

8 Things I am Looking Forward to:

1. Memorial 3 Day weekend
2. Going swimming
3. Going hiking
4. Going camping
5. Sunday trip to Trader Joe's
6. Buying a house w/ SexyBeast
7. Being a thinner version of myself
8. Having the summer of Sue

8 Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Blogged
2. Worked
3. Laughed w/ the work wife
4. Chatted w/ Matt
5. Painted my nails "Decades of Shades"
6. Read chapters in two different novels "Surrender, Dorothy" and some book by Julia Glass
7. Watched "Big Bang"
8. Kissed SexyBeast

8 Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Get a new house right away
2. Travel
3. Get married
4. Get a new car
5. Win the lottery
6. Get published
7. Live on the water
8. Not worry so much

8 TV Shows I Watch:

1. The Simpsons
2. Family Guy
3. Big Bang Theory
4. America's Next Top Model
5. Lost
6. South Park
7. Metalocalypse
8. Doctor Who

Happy Monday Meme Day! Enjoy, comment, etc.

1) If you could change one thing about the building in which you work, what would you change? It's too damn hot in the winter and sub-artic in the summer. It's called a happy medium, people!

2) What is the silliest or weirdest thing your mom or dad has ever said to you? When I was 19, my mother told me that some aliens dropped me off on their doorstep when I was a baby and they took me for tax deduction purposes.

3) What crime from history fascinates you the most? Hitler's rise to power, does that count?

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. MacBook was being a bitch today. The picure is 2 black fuzzy dogs laying on a patio. "Get the hell out of here, you freakin' mangy mutts!"

Model Material

Last week I did not watch Top Model, therefore no recap this week. From what I gleaned from http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/, Teyona had the weekly winning photo. She's odd in a way I don't like. And hitting the bricks, London for being too fat. Huh? Evidently, she's gained about 10 lbs since the filming started on Top Model. I call bullshit. I remember from Cycle 4 bitchy Kenya gained 10 lbs and she made it to the top 3. What kills me is that London is not fat, obese nor even pudgy! I do not understand the judging criteria on the this silly show.

Now you may ask yrselves, what could have been more important than watching an awesomely bad reality show? I recently re-connected with an old acquaintance that I knew from grade school through high school via Facebook. One of her passions is photography and as a favour to her, I sat for a portrait session. And it was also free therapy to get over my picture phobias.

It was amazing, I had forgotten what a great time it can be hanging out w/ a female w/ no other dudes hanging about. I learned a few lessons, my hair doesn't take to the curling iron, I can love my flaws, accept things I cannot change and popcorn and avocados make a fantastic dinner.

Tell me what you think.

Curious Meme #165

1) When did you have the weakest self-confidence ever? When I had just graduated from college, unsure of my place in the world. I got a job at Planned Parenthood, where the group dynamics were sooooooooo dysfunctional. I lived in cracker box and rarely left my apartment and gained about 25 lbs. But I made it through the other side w/ minor interior scaring.

2) Among the people you know, who would you choose to be able to read all your thoughts? Boyfriend, then he would know that I'm not sad, just thoughtful.

3) How old were you when you realized that other people's families live totally differently from yours? 9. I went to Jen Kilfoyle's house to play and have dinner. They ate in front of the TV and did not say grace. I was dumb founded, not judgemental, but it never crossed my mind that not all families wouldn't say grace before tucking in. I felt like Jane Goodall.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Damn, SexyBeast let me fall asleep while we were watching TV"

Kinder, Gentler

Here's an antidote from yesterday's hateful venom.

13 Things I Really Really Really Love:

1. Falling in love w/ Ramona Quimby, Age 8.

2. Listening to my British aunt reading me bedtime stories.

3. Hearing The Beatles' "She's Gotta a Ticket to Ride" in our yellow 1978 Blazer.

4. Running through the sprinklers.

5. My oldest brother & I  watching Saturday Night Live and Headbanger's Ball together.

6. My brother throwing Led Zeppelin into the mix of "all that metal shit".

7. Driving around in my friend's T-Bird talking about how great our lives would be at 21.

8. My brother passing down his Clash tapes to me when he realized they were my reason for living.

9. How much the quiet in the Adirondacks inspires me.

10. Being the strong one for a change.

11. Tori Amos and her piano live.

12. Being spellbound by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

13. Waking up in my boyfriend's apartment w/ his arms around me. I thought "I'm home."

To Whom it May Concern

Hi, my name is Sue. I live in Schenectady, NY. I live part time between my boyfriend's apartment and my parents' house until my boyfriend and I buy a house. I'm 33, I'll be 34 in October. I work in case management for a non-profit w/ people who are living w/ HIV. OK, think that covers who I really am.

So here's the deal, last fall I started getting some really shitty comments from Anonymous. I addressed this by being direct and adult about it.

Well, Anon has resurfaced and told me this gem re: my Top Model recap "Seriously? You have no taste." Not really sure what yr referring to, fucko? Are you saying I have no taste because I watch America's Next Top Model? I can probably conclude that yr one of those snide assholes that think reality TV is for the great unwashed masses. Or could you possibly be talking about my rant about Clay Aiken? Clay Aiken is a no talent jerk off. There I said it. Still pissed off?

What really chaps my ass, is that yr a total pussy. Gutless piece of shit, too scared to let me know who you really are.

FUCK OFF DOUCHEBAG!!!! YR NOT WELCOME HERE!!! GO SUCK A DICK! 

Seriously?

Sorry about the Top Model recap delay. I met up a friend from the past and some good red wine and some photos. But more on that later....

This epi has got to be my least favourite. The turnips had to act. Why? Very very very few supermodels can actually act. And those spokesmodel gals in commercials are actors, not models.

For the challenge, we had to suffer through the hamsters acting along side Clay Aiken. Ugh. I despise Mr. Aiken w/ every fibre of my being. SexyBeast turned to me and said, "They're really getting that excited over Clay Aiken?" The best of the worst was London. I like that little ham.

Since it was all about the acting, there was no photo shoot. Instead everybody acted in a group commercial for CoverGirl's new crap foundation. It was laborious having to watch this tripe. The big wiener of the week was Celia. Meh. She didn't suck as much as the others. And getting the boot is whiner Tahlia for the camera loving her but her not reciprocating those feelings.

And most surprising of all, was the judges' harshness w/ London. She was told never to wear shorts to judging again because they make her ass and hips look HUGE. And then the camera guy zoomed in on her ass! Sheesh, not her fault she's pear shaped.

Check you all on the flip side.

Curious #164

1) What two colors should never, in your opinion, appear together in an outfit or decorating scheme? Orange and green, too '70's in a bad way.

2) What is the strongest profanity you use? FUCK

3) If somoene were trying to woo your significant other away from you, what methods would bring them the most success? Bacon and zombies. Not that would really work in real life. He's not a cheater.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. "Help! I'm trapped!"

Yes, They're Real

Last summer I expounded on the wonders of Bitch magazine. This post will be spotlighting Bust magazine.

Bust has been around for a long time and was created by those two awesome chicks that brought you Stitch N' Bitch and The Happy Hooker (crochet book), Debbie Stoller and Laurie Henzel. Bust is Bitch's bratty pop culture lovin' little sister. Definitely more light hearted and vibrant than the seriously serious Bitch. Bitch is dark crimson and Bust is day glo green.

This month British songstress Lily Allen graced the cover along w/ articles about indie bands, weirdo books, Neil Gaiman, practical advice about sex and relationships and a hi-larious story about the origins of Mother's Day.

It's nice to take a break from the uber-feminist speak of Bitch. And Bust is printed more often that Bitch, 6 times a year compared to 4. The only real problem I have w/ Bust is the fashion stuff. Too high priced and marketed for the size 4 and smaller set. Plus there was a whole page of jumpsuits and rompers. Really? That's the look for spring? Ummmmmm...... not so much. Thanks anyway.

Have a great Easter everyone. If you don't celebrate Easter, have a lovely springy weekend.

I Have a Bike....

This week has been marred by unpleasantness for me. The only saving grace is I have Thursday and Friday off of work because of the Easter holiday. The perks of working for a Catholic organization.

Monday was a confusing mess that ended w/ me losing my transmission in Hudson, NY while I was trying to find a client's home. Nowhere near where I live. Added to that I just replaced the tranny about 4 years ago. Words of advice my friends, don't ever buy a Kia.

Calmly, I called Geico road side assistance to get a tow back to Schenectady. "Oh but you haven't signed up for it previously. So yr going to have to pay for the tow out of yr own pocket." Then I call my parents to call the garage to let them know I'm a-coming. Oh wait, my mechanic doesn't do trannies. OK alternate garage near our house. Nope they don't work on Kias. Racist! Finally, find a place to take the damn car to, right in the ghetto. Nice.

I call the office, explain the situation. Micro-manager offers me a ride to work the next day. No. No. No. I'll just rent a car. Call the client to break our date. Then I call SexyBeast and that's when the tears start. I don't have money for a rental. I don't have money to fix my car. I don't have money to get a "new" car. He really is the best, he let me cry like a baby for 5 minutes.

2 grand later, I'm getting my crappy Kia fixed. Part of me wishes I could just start over. But I'm stuck between a rock and hard place.

Been bumming rides off of people. I hate it. I'm totally dependent on the people in my life. It fucking sucks. I had plans, things I needed to do. Everything fell to shit.

Next year, new job, new car, new house.

Colour Code

OK, so this was a really kick ass epi of Top Model. These bitches are crazy! Lots of screaming and Celia big chin trying to be the bigger person and Tahlia's "posse" sticking up for her. Since when did Tahlia have any friends?

Plus the challenge was totally freakin' weird! The hamsters had to pose in cardboard cut outs. Kinda like when you go to the fair and hey look I'm a mermaid standing next to a sailor! And Nathalie, who's kinda an ass hat, gave good face and won 50 extra frames on her photo shoot.

And speaking of which, for the photo shoot, the chicks were posing in beauty shoots w/ brightly coloured powder blown into their faces. You just know that make up artist Sutan was really hoping to blind one of those bitches. Oh, and the best part, the chicks had evoke the spirit of that colour. Fo of the sexy red got winning photo of the week. I like her, she has some pretty sweet freckles. And getting the boot was Sandra, the jackass in white. She was a total jerk. So long, sucker!

And one tiny rant before I go. Why did they take away viewer's choice on Top Model? Not that I ever voted but hey give the viewing public their voice back! I noticed that viewer's fave had little to do w/ what the judges thought. Hmmmmmm.....

Weekend Photos

Weekend Wrap-Up

I've had a shitty week and it's only Tuesday. But I had an amazing weekend.

Friday night SexyBeast and I hunkered down to watch Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles ("are you Sarah Connor?) and Dollhouse. *Le sigh* I wanna like Dollhouse 'cause I'm a huge Joss Whedon fan but this fucker has been on for a month now and eeeehhhhhhhhhhhh. When's it going to be good and stay consistently good? And I sucked down a Krieg cherry lambic. I am so addicted to that stuff. I dream about it when I'm a work on a Tuesday morning.

Saturday, SexyBeast went for a run and I did absolutely nothing. SexyBeast is the runner. He now has huge Hulk thighs! After being fed and watered, we trucked on out to Hadley, MA to go to Mecca (read Trader Joe's). It took about 2 hours to get there but the gas is actually cheaper down there so it all evened out in the end.

After being surrounded by yummylicious food bargains, SexyBeast needed to be fed. I felt all Sylvia Plathy driving into Amherst. We ate GIGANTIC cheap burritos from Buena y Salo (Good & Healthy). I had veggies and guacamole, lots of peppers and beans and rice. SexyBeast of course had spicy beef and sour cream. I was full for hours.

Like any good college town, there was the ubiquitous awesome cheap bookstore. One of my purchases was The Lonely Doll by Dare Wright. Dare was a Canadian model turned photographer. There's something vaguely disturbing and sweet and weird about this children's book (1st published in 1957).

We finished out the day by having awesome awesome Vietnamese at Van's in Albany. Reasonable pretty eats. Yummy yummy pho.

Sunday we decided hike Thatcher Park. It was very very windy and turkey vultures abound. But the sky was blue. We soldiered on. Hey, let's grill Trader Joe's chicken jalapeno sausages. After 10 minutes of feeling like Mary Poppins, we ate in the truck.

Check out my photos.....

Curious Meme #163

http://curiousasacat.blogspot.com Comment, the usual blahblahblah

1) Have you ever had to do a standard field sobriety test for a police officer? No, never, not once, ever.

2) What have you been the most naive about? Definitely sex. I went to Catholic school for 10 years combined with my parents puritanical views equals a late bloomer. I remember being really puzzled by the concept of cunnilingus for a long time.

3) If you were to be killed by an animal, what kind would you want it to be? UGH! That's horrible. Something quick, A snake bite. Singular, just the one. And nowhere yucky like the eye or my lady parts.

4) Show and Tell. What comes to mind first when you see this picture? Or, tell a story if it reminds you of one. If you got rid of those horses, this would be my fantasy back yard

Oh La La

Yet another post referencing my one year dating anniversary with SexyBeast.

Since our 1st meeting, SexyBeast remarked that under garments of any kind are not a thing of beauty, merely the annoying wrapping paper in the way of the present. I, on the other hand, have several stuffed drawers full of undies and corsets ranging from old and dingy to cute and playful and down right "fuck me". It started because when I was depressed. I bought pretty things to boost my spirit. I went through a long period of hating myself, hence the abundance of lingerie.

But I decided for our celebration I would purchase something fun and jaw dropping. I took the advice of another busty gal, Amorous Rocker at http://amorouschick.blogspot.com, and went to Frederick's of Hollywood. "Don't Dream it, Be it." The staff was friendly and helpful, they carry larger sizes and don't make you feel like a asshole about it. I'm looking at you, Victoria's Secret! Honestly, I didn't know what I was looking for and they were so patient and nice.

I ended up with two unusual bras. They lift and support and are fun to play with. They have this watery sand bag thingy in them. Fun! And two pairs of "cheekies", lace underpants that are not thongs but do expose a healthy amount of ass. And the kicker, a really sweetie baby doll, that made me look like a femme bot.

SexyBeast was quite pleased.....

Off the Boat

Greetings, hamster lovers!

This episode marked the return of Benny Ninja, from the House of Ninja, bitches! Please watch Paris is Burning to understand what I'm babbling about. SexyBeast asked if Ninja was Benny's real surname & why would anyone want to name themselves Ninja? The real question is why aren't more people named Ninja? The hamsters had a pose off in front of an audience of drag queens. Uh...... that's my dream come true. Unfortunately, I was watching live TV and couldn't fast forward through the hot mess on the screen. The "winner" was Celia and her big chin.

Surprise! It's cycle 3 contestant Toccara whose come over for a slumber party and impart words of wisdom to the model wannabes. Toccara hit the nail on the head and said they were a bunch of boring bitches. I miss cycle 3 : (

For the photo shoot, the hamsters posed as immigrants on Ellis Island. They even had an old timey camera! Winning photo was Tahlia patron saint of burn victims. She's a lame baby that wants to go home. And speaking of home, my pretty plus size red head Kortnie was sent a-packin'. And Celia got all snitchy and told Tyrant and the judges they made a mistake and Tahlia is whiny baby and should go home. Tyrant dropped Celia's ass! It was awesome.

This house is a ticking time bomb.