Still vacilating (no spell check, sorry!) between self-loathing and trying to be OK w/ myself and my body. You'd think after 34 years I could accept myself but sadly no. Too self-contained to maintain friendships w/ people, esp women. I'm lonely.
I was trying on dresses for an upcoming wedding. Nothing fit. I've been trying so hard, I work out 4 - 5 mornings a week, I watch what I eat. And to no avail. I wish I could be like those "size acceptance" people. Ya know, "I'm chunky and proud! I'm large and lovely!"
All these negative thoughts are seeping into my relationship w/ SexyBeast. He is of the belief that I am not fat and got very angry w/ me. Tells me my thoughts are destructive. I have to explain to him yr either thin or yr not. I am not.
The bartender called me pretty last night. I can't believe I'm reduced to feeling validated by someone who works for tips.