These questions were inspired by the late George Carlin. His quotes are in bold. They were gathered from his routines. The TT questions are brought to you by Bud, the color KC's eyes and the number 3.
1. Why do they ask you to get on the plane? Shouldn't you get in it? When was your last flight? You get asked onto the plane? I didn't know that. I flew to Acapulco February last year.
2. Why do they call two planes getting too close a near miss? Shouldn't it be a near hit? Have you ever been on a plane that was in trouble? Personally I think all those "Greatest Hits" CD's should be called "Greatest Misses". Does turbulence count as plane trouble?
3. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? What have you done when your child sweared? Yes, the little smut mouth totally gets his filthy hands washed. I don't have kids, foul mouthed or otherwise.
4. How about a restaurant for anorexics? What would you call it? The Empty Plate? When was the last time you went out to a fancy restaurant? Hmmmm...... maybe Skinny Atlas.....maybe. We went to a fancy restaurant for our 2 year date anniversary, The Stockade Inn. Which will also be the site of our wedding next year.
5. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all'? What to you do to get away from it all? The Los Angeles Freeway. I go to the Adirondacks, I ususally get great writing inspiration up there.
6. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? What do you do to get a know-it-all to shut up? It is the classic inverse ratio of size of brain versus size of mouth. I say, "Hey, Know-it-All! Yeah you, Mr. 3 Word Hyphenate! Shut it!"
7. If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong? Men: does your woman (or most recent) think that you are always wrong? Women: Do you believe that men are always wrong? Ugh I fucking hate, gender stereotypes!
8. If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless? Tell us about a time when you were caught naked. Naked and homeless, both. Stupid turtle! I've never been caught nakee.
9. Would a fly that loses it wings be called a walk? How badly do flies annoy you? No, it would be called mutilated fly. Insects are pretty fucking annoying, yup.
10. Why do they report power outages on TV? When was the last time that you went without power? So people who do have power can laugh at the powerless. Tuesday night, we lost power for an hour and a half.
11. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Have you ever been or considered to be a vegetarian? I've never heard of a humanitarian. I was a veggie head for about 3 or 4 years.
12. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Tell us about a time when either you were arrested or came close. Mimes still have their Miranda Rights even if they don't speak. I'm a good girl, I've never come close to being on the wrong side of the law.
13. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? Have you ever owned a cat? There should totally be mouse flavoured cat food!! I've lived w/ Squeaky for 10 years. My sweet little fluffers.