Don't Make me Under

Wed= Top Model recap! woo to the hoo.

Week three is generally my fave as it's makeover week. This season had a twist, the contestants did not know what kind of hair cut they would be receiving and all the mirrors in the salon were covered up and/or removed. Marjorie, Mackey and Samantha all turned out fab. However, Elina the bisexual, black pants wearing, Angelina Jolie worshiping, (Really? that's yr idol? ooooookkkkkkkk) pseudo intellectual turkey brain got a horrible horrible curly red weave. She looks like the love child of Farrah Fawcett and Ronald McDonald.

For the challenge, the chicks had to embarrass themselves by making a mock 30 second improvised Cover Girl commercial. Again I praise the gods of Tivo. Hannah won because of her "aw shucks" cuteness.

This weeks photo shoot was the hamsters posing in bathing suits w/out the help of the tanned piece of luggage, I mean Jay Manual photo stylist or something. The dude is orange, I cannot concentrate when he's on screen. Anyway! Assisting this week was Susan Whatsherface, retired model and "designer". She did little in helping the girls perform better. Best of the week was Elina, who totally lied and said she was embracing her new look. I disagree, but what the hell do I know, I'm 15 lbs overweight and barely 5'1". Sent packing was Britney because she was pretty and not edgy. Fickle gods of fate!

Hmmmm..... dripping in sarcasm, that's the charm of me.

writer's block

I am a writer. I love language, words, syntax. I love all of it, I get excited when I open a book.

So why am I stuck on my story? It's been in the same place for a long ass time. I added a few sentences last night but it doesn't feel done. I decided to switch gears and work on something new. I have the story in my head but it doesn't want to come.

Please I need help. Any suggestions for getting my creative mind working again or if anyone knows any writers' groups in the Albany, Schenectady, Troy region I would really appreciate it.

stolen idea

I have just come back from a long wedding weekend. I spying this at amorouschick.blogspot.com who got it from http://www.avitable.com/2008/09/16/my/. Let the fun begin!

My favorite age: 32
My best friend: Cris
My celebrity crush: heehee. honestly, Peter Sellers or Hugh Jackman or Moby.
My defining characteristic: boobs or eyes, depends on who you ask. personality trait, nerdiness
My most evil moment: I don't have an evil bone in my body : )
My favorite food: wow, that's a toughie! right now, I'm thinking BLT on rye with avocado
My grossest injury: I ripped off my middle finger nail in door.
My biggest hatred: Intolerant idiots and children they carelessly breed.
My most illegal activity: Too embarrassing to mention.
My need for justice: Scumbags that harm children or animals. sheesh I really am a girly girl!
My most knowledgeable field: Meaningless trivia. Come on use me as a ringer on Trivia Night.
My life's goal: Get published and live on a beach.
My mother's influence: Dammit I'm a good cook w/ strong convictions.
My nerdiest point: Are you kidding me? Since birth.
My oldest memory: Crying in my crib, I wanted to be held. I got what I wanted.
My perfect date: Drinks, dinner, good conversation.
My unanswered question: How hot will I look in the afterlife?
My random fact: I never make my bed.
My stupidest decision: Not getting into case management sooner.
My favorite television show: A 3 way tie of The Simpsons, Family Guy and Metalocalypse. Hmmm..... sensing a theme here.
My style of underwear: Well since I buy underwear when I'm depressed, I have a variety. Current fave, hot pink lace thongs.
My favorite vegetable: Soybeans, yumma yumma yumma.
My weakest trait: I have no god damned patience!
My X-men power: Force field or invisibility. That way I could drive like an utter asshole and just bounce off of the other cars.
My strongest yearning: Professional writer.
My moment of Zen: Saturday morning laying in bed with boyfriend, the day a limitless possibility.

The Ladder to Nowhere

It's Wednesday, time for Top Model recap!

Self edit: my mistake folks, this year there is a twist, there are 14 "chosen ones". Not 13 as I had originally posted.

This week, there was weird ass "yr a racist, no I'm not" argument. blahblahblah who cares? Benny Ninja, of the House of Ninja (see Paris is Burning to understand), taught the ladies about extreme posing. They had a pose off, of which I did not watch (ah! the wonders of Tivo, sorry but I couldn't sit through that humiliation) and Elina was the wiener. whoopee do.

The photo shoot (yay!) had the chicks dressed in couture gowns posing on a ladder, which was later CGI'd onto a hot air balloon. There were good times and lame times.

*drum roll* The top photo for the week belongs to...... Lauren Brie. huh? who? LB is a blonde bland face in the crowd. And going home is Nikeysha the blabbermouth, seriously that chick couldn't stop talking.

All in all, a so-so episode. 12 plastic broads remain!

Pucker Up, Buttercup!

I will not be modest, I can say unabashedly I have perfect kissing lips. Soft, puckery and Cupid-like. Plus there's the fact that I'm an A+ smoocher. That's not bragging, folks, it's a fact.

To keep my lips at their kissable best, I swear by a favourite, awesome product, Sexy Motherpucker. Brought to you by the awesome peeps at Soap & Glory and available at all Target stores (all hail Target!), this handy dandy lip potion is 50 kinds of awesome in one compact tube.

First of all there's the brilliant retro 50's packaging, if I lose 15 lbs now I have my Halloween costume.

Second, it's a lip enhancer not just a gloss. You apply, wait 30 seconds and then a pleasant tingling sensation occurs. My friend asked me what causes the tingles and honestly I don't know. I don't think it cause cancer....

Third, it smells like Tootsie Rolls, how can you not love a product that smells like cheap penny candy?

It comes several colour options, creamy coffee, melon and clear w/ a hint of sparkles. My sexy beast always ends up w/ more sparkle on him than me.

See I told ya, I was doing something right

America's Next Top Pretend Model

I blame my friend Lydia, I went to visit her in Seattle in 2004 and on a Wednesday night she said "I hope you don't mind, I like to watch Top Model." I had no idea this show existed and now it has become my guilty pleasure. Like most reality competition shows, ANTM chooses it's winners not based on how well they model but for who knows why, for some inexplicable reason they always eliminate the tallest, most attractive women first. My favourite reason for trimming the fat is the "no personality" model, say what? Tyra, you were a working model once, face it, most models are completely devoid of any personality.

I have decided every Wednesday I will be providing my canny insight on the show. For a more thorough and groin grabbingly hilarious recap, please check out the lovely and talented Potes at www.televisionwithoutpity.com.

My analysis of the 2 hour season premiere goes like this: there were semi-finalists, there were finalists and then there were the chosen 13. As per usual, only one or two women will stick out in my mind and they usually don't win. (But who cares. The chicks they dump actually get real work. Like Queen Elizabeth, the title is merely for show.) The premise of the photo shoot, the best part!, was sexily portraying hot button political issues. The best hamster of the bunch was Marjorie. She's a quirky white blonde French immigrant, she's weird/pretty. I give her 5 more episodes before "her nerves get the better of her". Shauvon the asshole got the boot. She was narrow minded jerk off, bitchily snarking at Isis, the 1st transgendered contestant.

Good luck, bitches!

Dream State

I haven't felt like writing. Which is ironic since my dream is to become a successful published writer. I blame on the fact that I had too much time on my hands this summer. Now it's back to writing everyday, doing exercises, journaling.

I took my boyfriend out to breakfast/lunch a few weekends ago (and no it was not brunch, he ate breakfast and I ate lunch) to one of our favourite diners, The Gateway. He tucked into corned beef hash and runny sunny side up eggs with a BIG cup of coffee. I had perfect French Fries. *drool drool*

On the drive home, I had remembered that long ago, I had a crazy idea for a book. I would go across country reviewing diners and local points of interest. (e.g. slice of cherry pie and the world's biggest ball of twine. side note: where is the world's biggest ball of twine?) At the time I quickly dismissed this wacky notion but now I think it could be a truly awesome coffee table book.

If only I could get motivated about writing....