As previously mentioned, I have not been feeling like myself at all lately. Hindered, stuck, overly emotional. I decided the best way to work through my bluckiness is to write about it.
Day one, I'm getting ready for work and I realize I really don't want to go. I work in case management in the HIV community and it's very demanding, esp. this time of year.
Day two, one of my clients really got under my skin. I'm hypersensitive anyway. I have to learn to become like a duck and let it roll off my back. But I like myself, do I have to change?
Day three, became agitated w/ SexyBeast. Communication breakdown and misunderstanding. I never explained to him how I get in the winter. My fault, I don't deserve such a wonderful man.
Day four, sleeping longer and longer. I feel at peace when I'm unconscious. Or most likely, hiding from what's troubling me. But I feel safe and pacified when I'm lying next to SexyBeast.
Day five, Christmas party at the office. Comfort foods and desserts. Great, now I'm depressed and fat. I hate my body, I feel like I've been abusing it.
Day six (today) sniping at SexyBeast and crying uncontrollably. I recognize that this thing in me is growing at a rapid rate.
Know this post is confessional but I need to let out the ugly. And from pain comes inspiration. Perhaps another story is on the horizon.