Warning: This is a completely stream of consciousness piece of writing.
My depression has kicked in with the force of a jack boot against gypsy's skull. Doubts and paranoia swirling in my mind, making me feel inadequate and worthless. Why should anyone care about me? My boyfriend can see right through me, he's going to leave me.
I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. Shouldn't I have a thicker skin? Nobody wants to listen to me whine about my pathetic doubts and fears.
The absolute truth is I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm taking the civil service exam in a few weeks and I'm going spare. I want to do well, I need a better job as Sexybeast and I are trying to buy a house. I'm in complete job finding mode right now.
The other issue is I don't know who I am anymore. I've wanted to be a writer since I'm 10. And yet I haven't done anything to further this goal. I have these ambitions live life to the hilt and being my best self. And yet, I'm hopeless. I'm not athletic like my work wife. I'm not able to paint or sculpt or make music or create anything on a grand scale. Am I not living up to my potential or do I have delusions of grandeur?
I'm swimming with sharks.