As I mentioned in a previous post, SexyBeast and I got into a fight over my poor self image.
Hmmmmmm..... I guess I'll start at the beginning. I was never a skinny kid, not fat but average. My mother has been every diet in the history of man. When I was 12, I was universally hated by every kid in my class. I ate 'cause I was lonely and was picked on constantly. Uh oh. I was a chubbo until I was 17. Even though I was smoking pot, I wasn't heavy. Then I played the yo yo game of gaining and losing. After I graduated from college it all went down hill. I only left my apartment to go to work and buy food. I was fat and disgusting. I cried alot. I moved to NH and went on Weight Watchers and I got thinner. I was happy but insecure and needy. I got treated like crap from many many men. I got fat again but I couldn't face it. I moved back to NY, I got thinner. I met SexyBeast and I've been struggling to stay thin.
He loves me. He thinks I'm the most beautiful creature he's ever seen. He constantly reassuring me I look great. I'm angry, can't he tell my I have a major muffin top or sometimes my double chin comes out to play? I'm constantly critical of every single photo taken of myself. Is that really what I look like? I hate the way my eyes squinch up when I smile. I hate my broad man shoulders.
I work out 3 times a week. I eat a well balanced meals. But then again I drink alot of alcohol. I don't care about portion sizes when SexyBeast cooks for me.
I don't have anything to add. I feel wasted.