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Sunday, July 11, 2010

Nitpick Picnic

Bonus Top Chef post to catch up!

For the Quickfire Challenge, the cheftestants were greeted by Padma & the holy hotness that is Johnny Iuzzini, the sexy rockabilly pastry god that will be co-judging/hosting a new Bravo show Top Chef: Just Desserts and were informed they had to make pie. Mmmmhhhhmmmmm I loves me some pie! But for whatever reason, all the cheftestants decided it would be a good idea to make their pies "edgy" and added weird herbs and veggies to their desserts. Blechy! Not to mention all the panic that ensued upon hearing the news that a dessert was to be made. And sucking it big time were Tracy and runny blueberry and almond creation. She forgot to add a thickener, dumbass. Ed and his monstrosity of banana cream, peanuts and celery spuma. Spuma looks like frothy spit. Nice! And my poor Alex that actually made quiche....w/ white chocolate. Yuck! The big winner was Kenny, finally! He made bananas foster and inexplicably Chinese 5 spice. Ummm....OK. Must have been one hell of a pie. And Kenny has immunity to boot.

For the Elimination Challenge, the cheftestants must prepare a picnic lunch w/ a main and 2 sides. And the fuck is wrong w/ Amanda? We find out she used to be a crack ho. Then she SCREAMS at Alex for using "her" oven. She didn't put her name on it, apparently these are prison rules. What ever the fuck that means!

The big wiener was Arnold and his balls...of lamb, hee!

And the big loser was Tracy and her undercooked, over sized and over seasoned Italian sausage sliders. She wanted to make her own links but that got all fucked up. And good bye, Tracy! Personally, I thought Stephen should have gone home. It was his third time at the bottom of the pack and is bacon wrapped sea bass sucked ass. The bacon was undercooked and bass was overcooked. Yummy, slimy bacon and dryed out fish.

Now we are all caught up.


Just A. Girl said...

It would be so cool to go there and taste their foods. I totally wouldn't want anything to do with that bacon wrapped fish though. It sounded gross.

phairhead said...

JAG: I know? Right!

Jon in Albany said...

I'm glad you are caught up, now I can rant. No one I know cares about the show. Freaks.

I can not believe chefs at this level are freaked out by pies. It should not have been that big a deal. When Amanda (I think it was her) complained about not being a pastry chef and the judge told her that his grandmother could bake a pie without being a pastry chef, I couldn't help but laugh.

In defense of the judges being hard on Tracey, better than average Italian sausage is not hard to make. I would argue that it is easier than making a better than average pie crust. She had $400 to work with and got maybe $50 worth of pork and some spices.

In defense of the chef-testants, the judges are really being dicks this year. It is like they are competing to see who can get the biggest laugh with a snide bashing of someone's cooking. Tom's line about this being a bad day for American chefs - Get over yourself you dick. You are a judge on a TV show. Three or four people in a cooking contest didn't make something great. Not exactly a national day of mourning.

To paraphrase one of the nicer things Tom would say - Tom is better than that and I expect more from him. I'm a little disappointed. How do you like it when it gets turned around on you, ya schmuck?

Thanks. I was waiting for you to catch up so I could get that off my chest. And deep cleansing breath.....I feel better now. If I got to eat just one meal that they have shown, it would have to be the finale of the first Top Chef Masters. That meal looked incredible.

phairhead said...

At least Toby Young is gone! That guy could not give constructive criticism at all, he was all dick.

OMG! Rick Bayless from Top Chef Masters!!! I would love love love to eat his food

Jon in Albany said...

That mole sauce Bayless cooked made me want to get on a plane and got to his restaurant in Chicago.